These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
When I was around fourteen years old, I went fishing with my older brother and his friend. We took a small boat out on to a river. The river waters were extremely high and fast-moving as it had been raining for two weeks straight. As soon as we launched the boat from the shoreline it immediately capsized. As I went over into the water, I was able to grab onto a seat cushion that fell into the water. It happened so fast as the water was pulling me down underneath rapidly. The seat cushion which was supposed to also serve as a flotation device was useless as I was clutching on to it.
I was looking up as I was being pulled down and I could see the top of the water and a very small what appeared to be a hole of light from above getting smaller and smaller as I was being pulled down so fast I couldn't seem to move at all, just being pulled under. Two thoughts came to mind, as I was being pulled down - the seat cushion was not helping to save me, it was getting sucked down regardless, and I remember saying to myself in my mind - "I can't believe I am going to die like this, I'm only 14." At that point, everything went dark.
The next thing I can remember is looking up and seeing the overcast sky, I was soaking wet, lying on my back. My vision was not very clear, foggy like, confused, where was I, what was happening. As I was coming to my senses, I could hear my brother calling my name off in the distance. I called out to him. All I remember next was saying to him - (his first name) "You saved my life, thank you for saving my life and pulling me out of the water." He replied - "I didn't pull you out of the water, we've been running up and down the shoreline looking for you." We've had people looking for you for some time.
When he pulled me up from the ground, I turned to look at where I was. I had been lying in the branches of a large birch tree that was lying partially in the water’s edge downstream from where the boat capsized. We got in the car, didn't talk much. When I got home, I remember telling my Mom that (brother's first name) had saved me from drowning.
My brother to this day doesn't know what happened and he insists that he did not pull me out. He found me lying on the tree. The incident seemed to have gone into the background of my life in the early years of my life. At times the memory would come up, I would struggle to make sense of it and then it would disappear again for years. In my later years, as a parent, I've struggled to fill in the missing pieces which were causing restlessness for answers, loss of sleep, questioning life.
Something seemed to have brought the incident to the forefront of my thoughts several years ago and it was difficult for me, replaying it out in my mind daily, what happened, how did I get out of the water - Who saved me? It's almost like I have a sense of someone having pulled me from the water. A hand reaching down into the water and pulling me out, telling me it was not your time.
The past year I've been getting more thoughts coming into my head that I was not following the course that I was supposed to. I was supposed to be helping people heal, overcome their challenges, fears, obstacles. Helping them find their path in life. Like I was given a second chance in life and now was the time to take care of business before it gets too late and I didn't accomplish what I was supposed to do.
I've only recently told my children about my experience. I have actually come to peace with trying to find the missing time/events between going under and awakening. I've been in many sessions of searching and during one, a voice or thought clearly said to me - "You don't need to know the answer right now, it's not the time. Just know that you are here."
When I was approximately two years old, my father looked at me one day and decided he wanted to “be the first”. He raped me as an infant. Many years later, when he was beginning to show signs of dementia, someone spoke to him about how he should treat me. His response was, “She’s my daughter and I’ll do what I want with her,” and then proceeded to tell the above story (in more graphic detail). This came back to me more than a year after that conversation, and after he had passed.
I have no conscious memory of that event from my infancy. However, I have known since my 20s that something of that nature had happened to me. I knew it because my emotional and physical responses in certain situations were classic sexual-abuse-victim reactions. I knew it because of “cellular memory”: my body knew, even though my mind didn’t. I spent many years in therapy, reading, and self-evolutionary work, trying to figure it out, trying to remember what happened to me. It wasn’t until my father’s late-life “brag” (that was his point, to demonstrate his “rights”) was relayed to me that I finally had an answer. I was then in my 50s. But I still have no conscious memory of the event.
When I started attending the Tucson IANDS presentations, I was fascinated. To know what was on the other side, to hear others’ personal accounts, was at once uplifting and reassuring, intellectually engaging and emotionally supportive. I joined IANDS, and was further delighted to start receiving their “Monthly NDE” reports. Recently I came across a couple of them that really caught my attention.
One talked about NDEs in children, written by P.M.H. Atwater. She spoke of how “children compensate”. Rather than deal with their experience, they adjust other things around it; that even into mature years, the puzzle is often not solved. They “begin abstracting (dealing with broad conceptual ideas), are smarter than their parents, school teachers, friends”. “They forever miss HOME, the greater collective they know is real.” She says 90% are unable to bond with their parents. She continues: “Typical characteristics afterward: heightened senses, vivid imagination, intellectual curiosity and drive, psychic/intuitive, loneliness, higher I.Q., deep capacity to care, great potential for an ethical path, aware of future moments, strongly independent even if shy, nonlinear development. The younger the child, the greater the jump in I.Q., [and] the ability to abstract.” They are “doers with good ideas, inventions, and the energy to get jobs done”. They have a heightened consciousness, and a tendency to nerve-stomach-skin sensitivity.
These things all represent aspects of myself. I never felt particularly close to any of my family. (I’m not even sure what “bonding” with a parent might actually be.) I never thought I was smarter than average, until I had more experience with a broader range of people – and then it became clear to me: my comments were often over the heads of other people. My thoughts and ideas were often complex and fairly advanced in logic and principle, and went unnoticed (at best) or ridiculed (at worst). I am very resourceful and can often come up with unique ways to deal with a problem or situation. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. I am intuitive and perceptive of people’s emotions and intentions. I can often “see” likely outcomes of present actions. I can often tell when someone is lying. I have a strong sense of history and how it connects everything, as well as my own participation in many time periods. I have had several Spiritually Transformative Experiences (STEs), mostly regarding my own past lives. And I have an awareness of a broader future for humanity and the planet.
A different Monthly NDE mentions the writer’s “excruciatingly painful awareness”, a “feeling of desolate isolation from my real existence”. I have always felt a deep, profound, and painful sadness, just from living on the physical plane, never feeling a part of this place, never feeling “at home”. I know things about how this life works that most other people don’t seem to be aware of, things in terms of personal interactions, repercussions, and energetic flow. At least, sometimes.
Other times I am clueless as to social norms and acceptable behaviors, or what some enigmatic comment is supposed to convey. And yet I was never able to utilize my sensitivities for anything other than personal evolution. It did not help me find jobs or friends, I never felt “successful”, either monetarily or socially. I have never had sufficient certainty of my ideas to help others by way of predictions or information regarding their own lives. All I can do is give my own thoughts and impressions as suggestions, and if they accept what I say, it may help them to understand their circumstances or make their own choices. Often, however, they do not. I sometimes feel like Cassandra of Greek mythology, cursed to give true prophecies which nobody ever believes.
In this second Monthly NDE, the writer says she has no memory of the experience, she simply “knew” that she had been on another plane of existence, and had been forced or somehow persuaded to return to her physical body. This really woke me up. “Having no memory of the experience” is the same way I describe my own sexual assault: I have no conscious memory of it, yet I “know” it happened. This led me to what felt like a revolutionary concept: perhaps I had, as a result of rape at a very early age, left my body and experienced an NDE. For reasons at which I can only guess, my memory of the physical event and my retreat out of my body – and whatever happened on the other side – had been erased. I would guess that this was done to protect me and help me survive.
The emotional pain, shyness, reluctance to socialize, constant anxiety, and fear for my protection and future have been with me as long as I can remember. I have always known that I had to take care of myself, I could rely on nobody else for my physical, mental, or emotional wellbeing. Over the course of more than 60 years, that intuition has been borne out, and continues to be true.
I have always had a deep need and respect for the truth, beyond what most others would act on, even to my own detriment in terms of money or personal cost. If you don’t have truth, I felt, you don’t have anything. My mother’s description of me, as told to the mother of a friend of mine, was “very independent”.
Despite crippling shyness, I was compelled to utilize my musical talents in singing and acting. I have a number of stomach/digestive issues, and I am physically very sensitive. (I.e., things that are very painful to me would go unnoticed by many.) I have always tried to help others, though my efforts were often misunderstood. I feel a visceral pain at cruelty or subjugation of any kind, to anyone, whether I know them or not. I have always championed the underdog in most any situation or society at large, including (especially!) the animal kingdom.
My empathic abilities seem to be very sharp, yet indistinct. I can be overwhelmed by feelings that often make no sense to me, if I happen to notice. More often, I get totally lost in the emotion and react to that, and I don’t notice that it likely comes from people or circumstances around me. This is complicated by my own, often very strong, emotions. It took me decades to realize this was happening, and I am still learning how to differentiate and identify sources (me or not-me).
I describe this laundry list of “after-effects” as the only evidence of my NDE. It may seem like I’m jumping to conclusions, but that is the nebulous nature of my attributes and abilities. I have only my intuition to go on. It may sound self-absorbed, yet that seems to be my purpose here in this lifetime. My constant goal throughout my life has been to improve myself as a human being and increase my spiritual awareness. Everything else was secondary. (I was once told by a numerologist that I was hoping to make this my last incarnation.) For the most part, the only real achievements I have made during my life have been in introspection, self-realization, and personal evolution. And perhaps those are no small achievements. So, make of it what you will. If my story helps anyone else in their own journey, that will be a whole new kind of success for me.
I was involved in a horrific three-car motor vehicle accident on Sunday, March 8th, 2020. Doctors told me that I am fortunate to be alive and that most people involved in a head-on collision such as mine don’t survive it.
I am writing to you in part to process what I experienced during my accident and also try to find some answers or understanding about what happened to me.
The accident occurred in front of my eldest daughter's home. I turned on my left-hand blinker, slowed down, and noticed a white car traveling extremely close behind me. I proceeded to slow down while going East on the residential street and felt the white car hit me from behind. That caused my car to spin out of control and forced me to go over the divider into oncoming traffic proceeding Westbound where I was hit again head-on. I lost consciousness after the second impact. When my daughter approached my car she mentioned that when she first saw me after the accident my eyes were a distinctive blue-white 'haze' and a type of milky color in my eyes. She saw me slumped over the steering wheel making a gurgling sound and not breathing.
What I saw was myself being tossed back and forth in the car with a cloud of white smoke surrounding me, which I assume was the airbag deploying, but I was not connecting with the person in the driver's seat at the time. While I was observing myself in the car, I noticed the color of the t-shirt as the most brilliant magenta color and finally realized the person in the car was me, because I specifically wore that t-shirt for comfort and it’s one of my favorite t-shirts. As I was connecting that the person in the driver seat was me, at that moment I was literally out of my physical body. Next, I observed me slumped over the steering wheel and then I felt my body floating away from the inside of my car and I started rising above my car.
I had the most incredible feeling of oneness and joy and absolutely no pain at all. I can’t really describe it, but I could see everything around me, under me, above me and behind me. While I was fascinated with this concept and trying to understand what I was experiencing, I noticed there were five to six of what I believe were my guardian angels and spirit guides that were waiting for me within the most indescribable light surrounding them. The brilliant colors are hard to describe, but they were mostly orange hues with yellow streams of light behind them. The colors were so vibrant and gorgeous. It felt like they were waiting for me to attend a kind of celebration. While I was observing this amazing scene, I thought of my family and instantly with great force and speed I was sucked back into my body, gasping for air, and started feeling the most excruciating pain.
After eight weeks of recovering, I have gained a new perspective on life. I can honestly say I feared death and the unknown before my accident, but due to my experience, I have lost the fear of death. I have a new sense of what my purpose is and my spirituality has strengthened. I also tended to be a bit shy and not speak up or express myself; however, I found my voice and now have the ability to express my feelings more often. I am a doula and I cherish serving babies and their families and yet again it’s given me an increased awareness to serve and love my family and friends more often.
It was a windy day for sailing our 18’ “Flying Dutchman” sailboat with 3 onboard, my husband at tiller, his father (crew) and I was attached to a “trapeze” for ballast. My harness was velcroed to my waist with a “quick release” toggle (the trapeze wire was attached to top of mast).
My husband asked his dad to lean back for more ballast as a gust hit our sails. Dad leaned forward and the boat capsized, and I found myself trapped under 15’ of water. My harness would not disconnect. I panicked and expelled all my air (after about 30 seconds of struggling with the harness). I also clearly remember I sucked in a lot of water in my lungs and shortly after gave up fighting my drowning and “gave in” to death.
At that point I vividly remember seeing a white light. I felt absolutely calm, happy, eager to join the other dying people going to the light. I felt family members (ie, Grandmother, Grandfather) with me, helping me, guiding me. I remember other souls, more white in appearance and winged (ie, angels) helping me. As I approached the end of this tunnel to the light, I heard a clear male voice say to me, “Go back, it’s not your time, you have a son to take care of.” My son was about a year old at the time.
Those words jarred me back to my bad situation but gave me strength to fight some more, and at the same time my husband began to dive down with a mouthful of air to “buddy breathe” me to wellness. He also got my harness to release (on third dive down), and I bolted to the water's surface to find I was under the boat, breathing stale air! I dove down again, through ropes and sails, to finally reach the surface to breathe “that blue air.”
I was under the water for almost 3 minutes, according to my husband and his father.
I will never forget this NDE and feel blessed to know how pleasant the next stage will be (after my death). I am not afraid, have experienced a few close calls with my health since then, still not afraid. I also believe and read and practice constantly spirituality, meditation, compassion, etc., trying to make sense of this event.
By way of background, I am an Ivy-educated professional in the field of information technology. I've studied philosophy extensively in academic and other settings. Prior to my experience I was an agnostic with regard to the existence of God or other non-corporeal entities. My opinion on the matter was that reason and science are the only sources of knowledge, and science/reason has nothing to say on these matters and likely never will.
In early 2018 my ex-wife left me and took our then 9-month-old daughter (my first and only child). I fell into a deep depression; couldn't work; quit my job; and had to sell my house because I could no longer afford it. I decided instead to purchase a small camper, which I lived out of for approximately 6 months. Throughout my wandering in the woods, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread---almost too painful to even think about---that my daughter would never know me as her dad.
During a long drive home alone (approximately 11 hours) this dread began to overwhelm me. Suddenly I felt as though a golden light carrying an inaudible message struck me from above and slightly behind the left side of my head. The message in that light was, "You will be your daughter's dad." I was so overwhelmed by the peace and relief of this message that I doubled over and began sobbing and saying aloud, "Thank You," while driving.
I finished the drive in the evening. When I arrived home, I was exhausted, so I went to bed. As I lay supine, I began to feel an unfamiliar vibration throughout my body. Specifically, every part of my body touching the bed (my back, arms, legs, etc.) began vibrating. It continued and intensified for a few second, so I sat up partially to look at my body and see what was happening. At this point my back was off the bed at about a 30 deg angle to the ground. My legs still straight out in front of me.
When I opened my eyes (I was not asleep) I saw what I can only describe as a beam or string of lights (somewhat similar to a bundle of fiber optics). I can't remember the color, but I believe it was a combination of white, pink, and blue. The light was either flowing into or out of the spot on my forehead between my eyes, approximately 1cm above the bridge of my nose. The light flowed most of the length of my body and turned approximately 40 degrees to the left and continued in that direction.
Instinctively, I got on my knees and faced in the direction that light was flowing (to? or from?). When I did that, the vibrating in my body stopped, except for in my hands. At this point I began to feel overwhelmed and a little scared, so I threw myself back face-down on the bed. After I calmed down, I tried to go back to sleep, again in a supine position.
After several seconds or maybe a few minutes, I became aware of an entity floating about 5 feet in the air, slightly above, in front, and to the left of me. This entity was made of brilliant green-yellow light. The light appeared to be pouring forth from the entity. The closest physical description I can give would be of a female form in a seated meditative pose. Though there was movement in the entity in the sense of flowing or pouring light, the entity didn't change its position in the room.
I would estimate that the entity remained there for a few minutes (>5). The entity had a distinctly female feel to it, and my interaction with it was playful, loving, and very erotic. It felt very closely related to both my ex-wife and my daughter, and as the experience progressed I almost convinced myself that I was communicating with my ex-wife somehow.
While the entity was present, a couple other things happened, though it's hard for me to say what order they occurred or whether they were during or after the presence of the entity. In no particular order...
I felt as though I were in a small amphitheater (no visuals, just the feeling) surrounded by familiar people, some of whom I thought I recognized. (Note: All of the people whose presence I felt were alive at the time of the event.) The overwhelming sense I got from those present were messages of joy/elation that I had finally made it there; that I was loved; and that everything would be okay for everyone in the world.
I had an instantaneous flash of life review. It felt more spatial than sequential. The best way I can describe it is this: I've always been a pretty messy person. My life review took the form of a large disorganized room, and in that instant I was able to see how all the parts of my life were connected to one another. I could see and feel how I had hurt people I cared about out of my own carelessness. I felt a great sense of interconnectedness and oneness with everything in the universe. I no longer feared death because it was so patently obvious that death was illusory.
Prior to this experience I had an uncommonly deep fear of my own death. That fear had been intensified by my service in combat. This experience ended that fear, and it hasn't come back.
As a result of my experience, my understanding of the nature of the universe has changed entirely. It's now clear to me that the physical world we experience is part of something vastly more complex with facets that I never before would have believed possible. I became far more interested in being in nature and more interested in talking to and connecting with other people.
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