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  By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:22 pm:

I'm not sure if you can even call this a NDE. My mother passed away at her home early in the morning on December 31. There was a snow storm during the night so they didn't pick up her body until after noon. During the morning I sat with her body and told her how happy I was for her that she no longer was in pain, she died of cancer. She believed very strongly in God and a life after, I on the other hand some how knew her passing wasn't just the end, that's why I kept talking to her.

I traveled a long way to be with her two days before she passed and didn't get to sleep for over 40 hours, so when I went to sleep that night she died, sleep came very easy. I wasn't asleep long before I had a very vivid dream. In the dream I was standing in a dim light, I felt I was boxed in. In front of me was a short fence, hardly one foot high, I could have easily stepped over it, but I was held back as if my feet were rooted to the spot. On the other side of the fence I could see a small clearing with a field of flowers in such wonderful colors, they looked as if they glowed of their own light. To the left was a lake or some other large body of water, that too glowed of its own light as if the sun was shinning on it from on top and from under the water, to the right was a forest of trees also glowing with their own light as if it was coming from both an outside source and within. Then suddenly I saw a young woman in the field of flowers, she looked to be in her early 20's and she was wearing a brightly colored dress. She was skipping away from me, but then she stopped and turned towards me and asked, however, I never actually heard her voice, it seemed to just pop into my head. But she asked in German if I knew who she was. It took me a moment to figure out what she was asking, but then I knew that it was my mother and probably how she looked when she was in her 20's. As soon as I knew it was my mother, she blew me a kiss turned and skipped away. Suddenly I was looking down at myself in the bed where I was sleeping, I heard crackling or a hiss as if a radio dial was tuned between two stations and saw that my younger sister was standing next to the bed I was in shaking me trying to wake me up. The next thing I knew I was back in my body. When I came fully awake I realized I was grabbing her night gown tightly around her neck, and I remember being very upset that she woke me up.

Since that dream, I somehow knew I managed to go with my mother to where she was if only for a moment. I've been very healthy since then and if cut I heal very fast, much faster then I ever did before. I have felt and heard others around me that have passed, some I know and some I've never met in this life time. Some can communicate with me, but only by thought, I don't actually hear their voices. I'm much more relaxed, laid back. I've just started to feel more relaxed within the past year or so.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:21 pm:

My experience occurred about a month after a very close sister in-law died of lung cancer, after being ill for barely five months. She left behind two small daughters, and a husband. I had known her since 1978, and she was like a sister. We are about the same age, and it was a great shock to learn how ill she was, especially when she had appeared quite healthy.

I spent a lot of time with her in the last week before she died, and I remember wondering how difficult and wrenching it must have been for her to say goodbye to her young daughters. I had three young children, and I couldn't begin to fathom the idea of having to leave them. At the same time, I wanted to believe that God would not allow such anguish to be experienced by a young mother about to die.

I received my answer about a month after her death.

I remember laying in bed at night, still consumed by grief. I looked at the time, the clock read about 2:30 am. At that point I found myself moving straight up (as if floating), looking at myself, next to my sleeping husband. I felt no pain, and wondered whether or not I was still alive. I continued to move towards an extremely ethereal bright white light that was at least 1000 times brighter than the brightest sparklers I had ever seen. I remember thinking that if I was dead, that was okay, because I knew that my family would be taken care of. Besides, I was becoming part of this incredible brightness that appeared to have no beginning and no end. I also remember an incredible rushing sound, not unpleasant, as loud as it was. I did not see anyone specific in the light, but I remember the incredible peace that I felt. After awhile, I felt myself moving away, until I envisioned myself on the bed. I am convinced that I glimpsed a part of heaven, and that my dear sister in-law was in a peaceful state when she said goodbye to her daughters. In my heart I know that she didn't experience any emotional pain of separation.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:20 pm:

Ever since I was a small child I have had severe atypical asthma, very hard to control and very easy to lose control of. I had been very ill but my whole family as well as myself were pretty used to it so I was going to school with my little sister like I did most mornings. As we were riding the bus to school I was struggling to breath and I ended up throwing up on my sister. At this point things get pretty hazy for me.

I understand, that mom picked me up at school as soon as she could arrange to get there and I was taken to a doctor's office. The doctor tried to stabilize my breathing and couldn't and the doctor's office ended up calling an ambulance to take me to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. By the time the ambulance arrived it was late afternoon so there had been quite an amount of time pass since my attempt to get to school. I remember sort of waking up when the alarm on the ambulance went off but only one time. We lived in a suburb so it was about 20 miles to the hospital.

I was taken to a room and there were a lot of doctors in the room with me. There were student doctors too. They were trying all sorts of things to get me to breathe again and nothing was working. What I remember was being bathed in brilliant bright light and I was looking down on myself and all of the doctors and nurses around me. I felt calm and I was just observing and things were getting smaller or maybe less real and I could hear one of the doctors say 'she's gone, completely cyanotic,' or something like that and there was some discussion about that and then one of the doctors went out to talk to my parents.

When I heard the words of the doctor I thought to myself I'm not gone I'm right here and I started panicking sort of and screaming I'm right here! over and over. And then it was sort of as if I was slammed back into my body and I woke up a week later in an oxygen tent... My life since has been odd in many ways but it has taken me three decades to really begin understand it or perhaps to process it.

I have never been able to wear watches by the way. I have a whole collection of 'broken' watches! That is what brought me to this site tonight, the article about people not being able to wear watches. If I have to wear a watch I wear it only for the time I need it and take it off right after. I also seem to sort of 'short' out electronic things. My boyfriend won't let me touch his computer. It's sort of a joke between us but sort of not a joke also. I do the same thing to vehicles. Everyone calls me a jinx.

I do not remember much of my childhood. It's almost as if I lost the first 8 years and the funny thing is that all of my friends are around 8 years younger than me and I look younger than they do! Nobody believes my real age. I had my 2 children at a later age than most people in my family. I had my first son when I was 28. I went through a really tough time as a teen, nothing made sense to me at all. Relationships on most levels have been difficult for me. A lot of people are attracted to me on a sexual level. According to my boyfriend of many years, I have this natural sexiness that seems to exude from me. I have learned to curb some of that out of self-defense, but it took a long time to even understand what IT was. It seems that people misunderstand empathy and joy, a feeling of peace and love as a desire to have sex. I sparkle in the words of another friend and that is a turn on to a lot of people. It took a long time to be able to deal with that. I am still learning about relationships, but I am making progress I think.

Also, I am extremely sensitive to lights and noises. However I love loud rock music I am also very sensitive to chemicals, and drugs do not have the same affect on me as they do on most people. I take child's doses of many and some do the opposite of what they are supposed to and some do nothing at all. I crave sunshine and water. The best I ever feel is when I have been able to be in the sun and either been in, on or next to some water. I am also somewhat of a daredevil. I have toned down my activities since becoming a mother but I have no fear. I have always been a ‘tomboy’ and as active as my asthma will possibly let me be. I push the limits on that a lot. Sometimes people get mad at me for not doing what sick people should do, i.e., sit in bed in rot. But, I have to be moving and doing or at least learning and seeing. Life is too short to not live each moment to its fullest. That is not to say that I rush through life. Sometimes living life to its fullest is just sitting there doing nothing but meditating on the beauty of life, being thankful of being alive.

I have always had a different view of love and life than anyone I have ever met. I don't love like most people. To me it is not so individual specific so much as universal. Most people who wish to be close to me, do not understand it and perceive it as a coldness or worse. If they do understand how I feel and think, they can't believe it really. They say I have mother Theresa or Joan of Arc complex or I'm not real or something along those lines. But, I do not think love is something that can be limited to only one person or just a few. It does not end; it will not go out. The more love you give the more you have to give, the more there is... and to me that is THE truth.

I also do not think like most people. I do not think in a linear way. I arrive at the conclusion first and then find the path to how I got there. I know things without knowing how I know them. I am very good at chaotic thinking and organizing chaos. But, people don't understand it until the very end when it all comes together and then they say wow how did you do that?? And I of course have NO idea... I have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and I do take medication for it that helps me think in a clearer way but it does not seem to affect the way I think.

I feel very close to God and see God's light and love connected to and interwoven through all things. I believe in all of my heart and soul that we are all here, on earth for a reason. I am very spiritual but I do not believe there is a right and a wrong way as far as the way an individual decides to worship. If you find the path and you walk the path and along the path you learn about the path and you follow that path to where it leads, that is all that matters. If you read your path signs in Sanskrit, Chinese or upside down standing on your head with your hand stuffed in a peanut butter jar, it does not affect the outcome of your journey.

I also seem to create sort of different perception of time. Time does not seem to follow the same rules for me. So people around me feel like they too get sucked into what they call my time vortex. I do not sleep much. I sleep very little, sometimes I only sleep a few hours a WEEK. My mom says I have never slept well. People come over to visit or watch a movie and pretty soon the sun is coming up the next morning. And we are still discussing the topic of the evening or researching things online or what have you. People that are close to me seem to sleep less and less over time. It seems to rub off on them somehow.

I am just listing a few of the things that have rushed into my mind. There are so many other things that have been brought to my attention that I do or think differently than most people I know. I feel that many of my 'differences' are somehow linked to my NDE or as a child the way I used to think about it was my ability to 'talk to God'. Thank you for letting me share my experiences.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:19 pm:

When I was 6 years old I lived in a small rural town in Arkansas that did not have a hospital and only one doctor. I had a bad case of the German measles and had a tendency to run high fevers when ill. My fever became very high and my mother took my temperature and it showed 106 degrees. She immediately called the one doctor in town and was told by her nurse that he was in a neighboring town but that she would try to reach him (obviously before the cell phone or pager era). My mother told her what my temperature had registered on the thermometer and the nurse said that had to be incorrect and she would be right over. She came over and took my temp again and this time it registered 107 degrees. She finally got the doctor on the phone and he said to immediately get me packed in ice. All of this was told to me by my family, but here is where I had the experience as I do not remember any of this leading up to it.

What I remember is like floating high up over the bed and I could see myself lying in the bed looking very white (I noticed that because I have olive skin and never look pale). I saw the nurse taking my temperature and my mother and father were sitting on the bed with me and my mother was crying, not loudly but very softly. I remember that my sister tried to come in the room, but my grandmother would not let her. Then I saw a man walk in the room with this big brown paper sack full of ice. It was the man who lived next door and he had a truck so he had gone to get the ice from the icehouse downtown. I remember seeing him keep placing more and more ice on my body, but I did not feel any cold or anything. All during this time I just remember the floating sensation. This neighbor was really somewhat of a grouch and I was somewhat of a mischievous 6 year old tomboy so I had done several things that aggravated him from time to time. I remember him saying to my father "Don't you worry Johnny, this one is too mean to die.” I kept floating and then the nurse walked over and put her hand on my forehead and I was like whooshed down back into my body. According to the family I did not regain consciousness for about 12 more hours after the fever finally broke. The doctor finally got there, but they did not take me to the closest hospital because he thought the danger had passed.

I was very weak for a couple of weeks and had a very bad time walking after that. I was a very uncoordinated child after that and also developed a speech impediment. When we moved to a larger city, my parents put me in a speech therapy class and I got over that. What was strange though was that after that I tried to tell everyone in the family about what I had seen and they really did not want to hear it. I told them things that had happened in detail and things that were said and they just looked at me like I was crazy and would say "it's the fever talking", but I knew it happened. It wasn't till about 3 years later that I was talking to my cousin about it and I repeated what the neighbor man had said about me being too mean to die, that my father overheard and it got his attention. He said that he had never told anybody what the neighbor had said because he knew it would make my mother very mad, and he knew that I was not conscious when he said it. Then I told him some other things and I think he believed me then.

For years after the experience until I was about 12 years old, I used to get these feelings that I called "the feeling of being there, but not being there.” The only way to describe it would be that I might be sitting in a room and then all of a sudden it was like I would be pulled back real fast to the back of the room and I could see myself sitting in the chair. I have always wondered about this experience and how it effected the person that I am today.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:17 pm:

It was Halloween night. I was walking down a busy street in Honolulu with a group of people; a fellow Marine was about to be murdered by four Samoan's. I stepped in the middle and tried to stop it. The Marine I was helping left the circle and I was jumped from behind. I fought these four guys in a fight to the death. I was trying to kill them and they were trying to kill me. I remember being exhausted, completely wiped out during this act to survive. I had crushed and caved in one man’s face with my forehead. I was covered in his blood. I knocked out another guy with a kick to his throat and temple. I was thinking, why won't anyone help me, I am so tired. So many people were watching me fight that the traffic had been stopped because of the people flooding from the sidewalk to the street, hundreds of people, no one would help?

Three months before this fight I was overseas and in an operation were I was faced with death and thought I was going to die because I was going to run out of ammunition or get hit in the head with shrapnel. About a week after this I was kidnapped with five other Marines and we were lined up twice to be executed and dry fired on twice. During the fight, kidnapping and operation, I can't ever remember being afraid, real fear. I know I must of had to been afraid but I can't remember it.

I had knocked out two guys and two were left. I went back and forth fighting the two guys and one guy ran off into the crowd, I remember thinking that it was almost over, I just had the one guy left. I was holding him by his hair and hitting him in the face waiting for him to drop, when the guy who left came back through the crowd with a knife. A sailor named Bart who I had never met was in a cab that had been stopped by the crowd and seen the guy with the knife coming at me from behind. Bart was born the same day, same year as me; we were the same age and had never met. Bart fought his way through the crowd to try and stop the guy with the knife but was unable to get to him because of the people blocking his way.

This guy jumped on my back and plunged the knife into my pulmonary artery and lung. When the knife went in, my body flipped completely over and I landed on the guy who stabbed me. The guy I was beating on fell to the ground. I started choking the guy who stabbed me with my forearm, trying to kill him. I had no idea I had been stabbed, I never felt the knife even though it was sticking straight out of my chest now. The guy who fell to the ground was up and on his feet now and kicking me in the head. I boxed in the Marine corps and had never been knocked out, but when this guy was kicking me I thought he was knocking me out. "I was dying from the stab wound.” I remember thinking to myself, "Hey, this is what it feels like to be knocked out.” I moved my head and tucked it behind the guy’s head I was choking to death and started pushing with my head trying to break his neck. The guy started kicking me in the stomach now and that is when Bart got through the crowd and started helping me. He took the guy who was kicking me and hammered him.

The crowd then decided to help and grabbed me and started dragging me off the guy I was killing. These guys were trying to kill me and now I have a knife sticking out of my chest and people are now getting involved, Bart is the only one there who had courage, honor or integrity. They pulled me off this guy while Bart was taking care of the other would be murderer. They held my arms and head back as I struggled to free myself. I seen the knife sticking out of my chest. I yelled at these people who held me defenseless to be killed, “I have been stabbed, LET ME GO, I have been stabbed, let me go.”

They held me and the guy who stabbed me was on his knees and hands foaming from his mouth looking at me. I was unable to move, I could feel the knife inside me now when I tried to move. The guy who stabbed me was looking straight into my eyes as I was staring at him, he had blood red eyes, they were red, he jumped up and grabbed me by my neck, the people still held me for this guy. I thought he was going to bite my throat out because I would have bitten his out. He had me, I couldn't move because I was held by cowards.

I remember having this complete acceptance of death. I relaxed as his hands pulled on my neck but he grabbed the knife out of my chest instead of biting me. The blood shot straight out of my chest and with every heart beat I sprayed blood all over this guy trying to stab me again. The people who were holding me pushed me into this guy with the knife. I don't remember how I got out of the way of the knife. That is a complete blank. After he missed me he came up with the knife and stabbed Bart in the stomach and ran into the crowd. I chased him for four steps and I heard an explosion and felt like I had ran straight into a brick wall. I fell onto my back and unknowing to me I was unable to move a muscle, I was paralyzed with my head turned to the left. I was looking at people looking at me, again no one did a thing, just looked at me like cowards. I remember a man holding this women as she balled. I started yelling to these people that I can't breath but they just stared at me, doing nothing. I did this for a while before I realized they could not hear me because my lips were not moving; I was paralyzed. I started fighting to stay alive, I refused to die. I told myself I was not going to die. I was so tired, I was just wiped out from fighting to breathe. I was suffocating to death, it was horrible, the worst way to die. The background was now black, dark. I seen a face in my face I felt someone grab my neck and lift my head it was Bart. He began CPR and breathed into me. I only felt one breath but it was like I had just taken the biggest most beautiful breath of my life. I remember saying to myself "OK buddy it’s in your hands now." I was just wiped out.

After that breath I went black, everything was dark. I don't know how much time had lapsed when I was out of my body. I didn't feel or remember leaving my body but it was like I was just there, I was standing over my body with my spirit/soul feet and ankles in my dead bodies head, I was looking down at myself but didn't remember being hurt, I had no idea I was dead or injured. I was now a translucent shadow like with hands, feet, a whole body, but it was made of energy, power, and strength. I looked at my right arm and made a fist. I looked at my left arm and made a fist. I felt so strong and powerful I was energy. I looked out at a 45 degree angle and shot off like a rocket into this infinity of darkness I could see into. It was not like being in a dark room or closet, It was a darkness I could see into an infinity. I felt like I was in space. I was looking for something but didn't know what I was looking for. I knew I was looking for something but I had no urgency to find it. I was calm, no pain or worry. I was just looking for something. I was zooming through this darkness like a rocket but I could not feel wind it was motion going forward at a 45 degree angle. I could not hear voices during this motion through space.

All at once I came to an abrupt stop I was in this void with four entities to my left just above me and a voice of a man to my right and above the four entities say "he's not going to make it." At that moment I remember saying to my self, "Hey they are talking about me.” I came back into myself through my eyes. It felt like a cartoon thing as if you pulled a window shade down and let it roll up and spin around and around. That is what it felt like coming back through my eyes. I opened my eyes and my head was turned to the left. I seen Bart sitting on the bench seat of the ambulance looking at me covered in blood. He said nothing just looked at me. He had his hands on his knees just covered in blood. I seen a paramedic holding an IV bottle in the air. He was sitting on my left side at my knees just looking at me saying nothing. I looked at both of them and held both my arms up and flipped them off with both hands and said F--k you I am not going to die. Then it went black.

I can't remember anything until I woke up again. I was being rolled down a long hallway on a gurney, doctors and nurses all around me, I asked the nurse that was at my head if I could cry. She said "sure hunny, you can cry." It went black. I don't remember anything until I woke up again. I was laying on my back and I opened my eyes looking up into the ceiling. It was like the ceiling at my barracks so I thought I was in my room in my bed. Then I heard this breathing machine sound and tried to say what the f--k and started gagging. A nurse put her face in mine and told me I had been injured and I was all right. They pulled the breathing tube out of my throat and I remembered my experience but never said anything. I felt like I had mass knowledge but just could not remember what I had learned. I knew I had to heal myself. I would lay in bed and slow my heart beat so the heart and lung could heal.

I spent five days in the hospital and spoke to Bart on the fifth day. I told him of my experience and when I had seen him sitting there looking at me. Bart told me that that never happened. Bart said that they were working on him and he never sat up and I was taken away, he said "You were gone man," you never flipped anyone off.

I soon felt like I could heal people because I can feel energy coming off people, I feel pain. I never told anyone until 1999 about this. I learned about Reiki so that makes it normal to me. But I have been on a quest searching myself and beliefs about people and the world. I have been changed and feel I have met who I really am. I met my soul/spirit and have many ideas of what we are and that we have existed for all time. I also feel I have ESP and have tried remote viewing. I feel I am just closer to my senses than people who have never got the juice like me or others like me. They have it but just need to tune into it.

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  By Anonymous on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:59 am:

First, it is difficult to share this in any manner. I have suffered a lot of persecution from people who are completely ignorant on this subject and see it fit to call me "crazy", "deluded", "deceived" and so on. The lack of understanding has caused to withdraw from people who don't understand, who are not "like me.” I even have problems relating to my wife because our views are so radically different on certain subjects.

I am very grateful for my "death" because in it, I have been able to live.

Please bear with me because I will relate to you the whole history that led up to this ultimate, climatic experience that led to yet more experiences.

I remember a brilliant flash of white light. Then I suddenly found myself in a tight space where it was very dark. I remember no particular discomfort, but I do remember feeling very impatient. I was waiting for something, but I did not know what that some thing was. Then I found myself moving toward another light that was steady and not nearly as bright as the flash that brought me to this place.

When I passed into that light, I saw a man. I recognized his green hospital mask and gown as being that of a doctor. The doctor had black, bushy eyebrows and he squinted as he looked at me. I was not afraid, but I had some things I wanted to ask him; for instance where was I exactly and who was he to handle me in such a manner? Before I could speak, the doctor exclaimed "it's a boy!" Well, certainly I am a boy... what did he expect? When I tried to speak to the doctor, I was shocked to hear myself. I did not speak, I cried! I CRIED LIKE A BABY... then I truly became afraid and tried to talk again, but I cried again. Then, in what seemed a matter of minutes, my adult thoughts, in English, diminished into thoughts that were muddled then peaceful.

I remember learning how to talk, how English seemed not like a foreign or unknown language, but a language that I had forgotten. I seemed to go through a time of "remembering" rather than a time of learning.

I remember having sensations in my crib; the vertigo was a reeling, head over heels sensation that was a sickenly fast... dangerously fast spinning motion. It was horrifying. I also remember sensations of my whole body tingling and falling asleep even as I felt a sensation of drifting away from it to places I don't remember. I stopped having the experiences after they frightened me when I was older and my father told me I could stop the out of body sensations by ordering myself to go back.

A few years later, Hell broke loose and the night terrors began. I began to have terrible nightmares involving evil creatures and humanoid-looking evil beings. I was tormented almost nightly by these things forcing me to watch human dismemberments, sickening "religious" rituals while I was held captive. I soon learned to sometimes take power over these evil dreams by the power of God. These dreams tortured me until I was probably in my mid twenties. Sometimes I would win; sometimes the devils would win and they would keep my as their plaything for hours. I once saw a green colored spirit hover over my body while I was out of it.

In the midst of these torments, I wanted to serve a mission for my church. I went to the Missionary Training Center, but they sent me home because of my night torments and nightmares. At times I would wake up in my body, but my body would hover over my bed a good three feet and when I would awaken, I would fall onto the bed with a crash.

I was devastated with the news that the MTC was sending me home because of the emotional stress these terrors caused. They were afraid, after testing me, that I would crack up in the mission field. When I went home, things really got bad. I could hardly eat or get out of bed, my friends were worried that I would never be right again. I could feel something clawing away at my insides... it was awful. And I knew I was going to die. I could not get out of it, as surely as I now live, I knew my body could not hold me much longer. The stresses were too great, the evil was not able to kill me, but it could cause me to become too upset and off-balance to live. The mind is VERY powerful and mine was turned against my body.

Then a man who had been killed in truck crash and returned to life with a special gift for helping people took me out of my friends' house and into his own home in the mountains. He loved me, treated me like a son and taught me about a new type of spirituality. He told me I was different from other people and so I had to live differently. He helped me build my self up and I immediately started to feel more peaceful, more like I could live. But Death had other plans.

One night, in 1986, I was alone in bed. It was around midnight or so. I began thinking of my friends and my life's events and how things would turn around. I began pondering on my own life and a vision of the future opened up, but not just one future, several futures. Every decision I made opened up new possibilities, new possibilities created new futures and other possibilities. The thoughts and pictures came faster and faster. The thoughts came so fast that my physical brain could not keep up anymore.

Suddenly, my body was wracked with a terrible, indescribable pain. I heard with my ears a groan come out of my chest, something left but pulled me along with it. As soon as I left my body, I felt something tearing at me, trying to take me away with it, but there was a barrier or boundary of sorts stopping me from leaving the room. I was out of my body, I knew I was dead... then suddenly, I was torn away from that thing and I was thrust, rather, SLAMMED back into my body. I sat up and was rather excited about the whole thing.

Since then, I have discovered that I can communicate with spirits, angels and ghosts of the deceased. I have even helped some of them find peace and move on. I also have a talent for healing that even surprises me. I can intuitively touch people and help them to heal, I can sometimes diagnose diseases that people have.

Thank you for your time, I hope this is worthy of your study.

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  By reviewer on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:58 am:

I had dengue hemorragic fever. I was in Cambodia in a local clinic. In my clinic room I had vision of a flaming apsara (female cosmic dancer in Cambodian mythology); I came out of this vision knowing I was going to die if I stayed there. I pulled the IV tube out of me and left the clinic. The distressed nurse called my family who came to look for me, and found me wandering near the clinic in the crowded streets in Phnom Penh at night during the water festival. They called my doctor, a Filipina who arranged for a medivac to Singapore.

I remember little of this or of the medivac.

I woke up in a hospital in Singapore after 4 days of being unconscious, coma, or whatever. I asked the Sigaporean doctor and nurse how close I was to death, they looked at me funny and turned and walked away.

I asked them this because for one thing, I had seen them working on me, they were below me and in their blue green caps.

The other reason is sometime during all this, I found myself in a black void, no sense of anything physical was there. Then a feeling of profound joy developed over me and became stronger and stronger. As this feeling increased, I saw a bright point of light in front of me. It came closer and closer and gradually took up my whole field of view front of me. Then I was just there with it, in it, still feeling the strong joy experienced for the first time this way.

The very day I came out of the experience, back to consciousness, I felt wonderful and full of energy, even though I had lost 30 lbs or so since the beginning of my illness.

I did not talk about this much and tried not to think about it too often. There were immediate changes in my life, though at the time I could not say one way or the other they were related to the experience.

Only this past November 2003, the thought and recall - almost a re-living of the experience - started to consume me, and I now feel compelled to relate everything to it, and analyse the experience to make sense of life and death, religion, myself, human beings, everything. This is still the case.

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  By Anonymous on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:57 am:

I went with my parents and aunt and uncle to a outdoor swimming pool (I was 5 years old at that time), I couldn't swim but my parents took me inside the water anyway.
At a certain point, they were so busy talking that they didn't pay attention to me, and that was the time that I fell into the deepest part of the swimming pool. I was at the bottom of the pool.
All of a sudden I knew that I was going to die, and after what seems minutes under the water, I was about to breathe out for the last time.
At that moment I remember thinking, ''Well, this is it, I am going to the other side!!” At that moment, a beautiful feeling came over me, a very joyful, sacred and warm feeling!
I was not scared, I was not in panic, but I was ready to go to the other side, and the incredible feeling of joy and happiness was unearthly!!
At that point, all of a sudden somebody rescued me out of the water.
After the whole experience, I thought, even though I still was a child: If this is what it means to go to Heaven, then that is wonderful!!
I now know that we don't need to be scared to die, because there is a life after this one (in God's spirit world).
I do believe though, that it will depend on how we lived here on earth, if our transition to the other side will be sweet or not!!

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:37 pm:

My first language is Spanish. I will try my best to make my story the most understandable possible.

Almost thirteen years ago, I had I think was a NDE. Happens that I suffer from severe nose congestion and dyspnea. Things that affect my breathing while sleeping. Well I remember in that early morning, I awoke gasping for air but my nose was clogged likewise was my throat. The sensation I felt was like having my trachea locked. No oxygen could get into my lungs. It was horrible; I still was half-asleep and began to extend my arms trough the walls scratching them in an intent of my body trying to find the way to breathe again. It was in vain, after all that struggling to avoid being taken for what I remember was a powerful force I knew it was over. It was like being sucked by something as a huge vacuum that detached my life from my body. The experience is horrible when you are awake and dying by asphyxia you are weak with that desperate feeling that you are losing your physical life. And then the only thing I felt and knew was no matter what I was being taken by this enormous energy at a super velocity that I couldn't avoid, resist; I was gone.

Then you feel going faster inside something that I cannot really explain with the adequate words. It is so fast that I cannot say it was a tunnel, I just can say that you in whatever existence you are transformed; this force takes you which such power that you only feel the sensation that you are going to a force that is claiming you. Yes is like you belong to it. I call it One.

Then I knew that I have left my body because once I was out of it I saw down at my body and could see how my arms were stiff with the last movements I made while gasping for air, struggling at the wall behind my bed. I couldn't understand how I was capable of seeing me and at the same time continue being taken by this force. Then I or whatever it is you when you do not have body but seems to be existing in another plane I was like in other dimension where everything was obscure. Whatever I was I felt fear was so dark. Then I heard a voice that I cannot say if it was a voice from a man or a woman, but was a peaceful one and told me; "do not be afraid.”

At that moment I did not see anything, no one, any light. I suddenly just felt in such a joyful state of peace, no weight, I was transformed from physical body to just sensations; happiness, an enormous feeling of peace and love. Suddenly my sense of me went to other level, this time I saw that big or huge white mass "opaque not bright" and while getting closer to enter into it I began to feel that inexplicable sensation of being bathed in a beautiful warm and lovely light. You are just drawn to that irresistible mass of love. For me it was my contact with that Higher Divinity that I called One. I felt so good, so light, suddenly realized that I was free surrounded by the most beautiful source of love. I couldn't believe if wasn't in physical plane, I was wondering how could I be conscious of what was happening if I am supposed to be dead.

Then as fast as I was getting closer to that white mass, suddenly my living force was sent back to my body. It was a small amount of oxygen getting back inside my body through one of my nostrils that was became slightly open. Then when the life force entered my body, I screamed "Padre", in English "Father.” At that time I started coughing and my body was cold and shaking.

My niece who was in the bathroom when heard me screaming "Padre" so loud and coughing, she went to my room to see what was happening to me. I could hardly speak to her. I continue coughing and crying and trembling.

I told her, "Glenda I think that I died.” She hugged me and look at me in astonishment. I was pale. She gave me some water to clear my throat. When I felt calmer and the temperature of my body become normal; I explained to her still crying what I felt happened to me. She was afraid because in my face was the expression of someone that has gone through an unexplainable experience. She embraced me and cried with me.

Well since then my life changed completely. You are suddenly lit up from inside, and this illumination makes you more aware in how to understand what real love is, how deep we can go in trying to understand what death really means. How we must find out why we were returned to the physical dimension.

Now I do not fear death or the fact that we have to go to other planes of existence. And I agreed with others with similar experience on saying that you live with the sensation that someone is with you in the form of thoughts. I call that presence One. Because from that experience I learned that all humans are One connected to the principal One the "High Divinity or Higher Force.” Sometimes I feel alone because many people say that I am crazy when I tell them my story. Others find it interesting and believe that maybe after all NDE is happening.

My way of thinking is every day evolving from knowledge to wisdom. There is a mind hungry all the time trying to understand things that before I wasn't aware of. I have the feeling that when I returned from that dimension called death something else entered into my body. And this thing guides me and teaches me by challenging my old way of understanding life, explaining me about how we can continue in the learning of what dimension is the real one or how both are complemented. I was always wondering how can a world like this continue existing with all that unfairness, humans divided due to continue stuck in their ancient beliefs. I was always vulnerable to the pain of the world, to its ignorance at all levels. Factors that I consider the culprits among others who continue being an obstacle for Planet Earth to evolve with the guide of One or the Higher Force.

When I see people suffering or that I know that they are sick. I can't control asking "Are you in pain"? Do you feel sick? And there is the desire in me to embrace the person and transmit my love to them. Or I feel if I can just reach some part of their body or something that is close to them I can send positive vibrations of love that will ease their pain, illness or sadness. I can go on and on with the changes I continue seeing in my life. But at some point I feel that I do not belong to this dimension, and feel alone. Right now in treatment for depression but… well that's part of life. But really I think that I am already dead or that I without wanting for it was taken to one of the most debatable mystery of life by entering to the other dimension where we are thoughts and emotions?

I receive so much data from One my companion from the other dimension that I feel like a torrent of energy greater that the capacity of my small body to handle. I sense that the High Force is so close to me that I begin to cry and then my body is drawn to a state of sedation where I just fell asleep. For me being in that state is like feeling taken to places that later I cannot remember very well. Now I am more used to the presence of this Higher Force and I know when ONE sends for me. It requires too much discipline, practice to understand the changes in your life the way you begin to think. I wonder if we are living in an illusion or everything revolves around the mind; and there in the mind is the key to open The Pandora Box and finding the answer for the real truth.

For now I have to go. If you have read so far my story, thanks very much for allowing my soul to speak.

I wish I could contact those other beings who like me are out there watching and bringing our humble light to illuminate those who want to learn that this world evolves and evolves without they having a notion of how One makes the magic.

Please if you are conducting serious studies can you let me know what do you think of my story, please. I know you are a busy persons and I am another one in many other people who are waiting for an answer. But I will wait patiently. I have already told my internist in Cornell Hospital in Manhattan, NY that if in the future they conduct some kind of study related to NDE I will like to participate.

Thanks in advance. Continue giving us light to see where wisdom is hide!

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:35 pm:

I was five months pregnant with my second child and I was home alone with my 1 yr. old daughter asleep in her crib upstairs. My husband was at work and not due to come home for quite some time. I was in my living room vacuuming when I started to feel very fatigued, like the energy was leaking out of my body. (I describe it as like when you unplug a halogen work lamp and the light just fades away instead of just shutting off abruptly.) I felt the need to lay down so I made my way upstairs to my bed. I don't even recall lying on the bed but suddenly I felt my spirit leave my body. I saw a light far away but I was moving towards it very quickly. I felt as though I was traveling through a tunnel and I was surrounded by the most beautiful colors, some of which I hadn't ever seen before. All the while I knew that I was leaving my 1 yr. old in her crib and that she would be alone until my husband got home, but I KNEW that everything would be okay. Through my experience, I was overcome with the feeling of a most beautiful love and acceptance. I didn't want it to go away. Suddenly I was thrust back into my body with such force that when I opened my eyes my body was bouncing on the bed as if I had jumped onto the bed from the ceiling. The feeling of that beautiful love that I had felt in my experience stayed with me throughout the day and I remember wishing that I could capture that feeling and keep it with me always. Since my experience, I have had a couple episodes where I have seen a spirit of someone that had previously died. One time the spirit I saw was sitting in a chair in my children's bedroom and the other time was a spirit watching over my husband as he slept in a chair. I have also heard the voice of my guardian angel speak to me over my shoulder. These experiences are peaceful and I am never afraid.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:34 pm:

The first out-of-body experience that I had was when I was 18 and a man attacked me and violently raped me threatening to strangle me. He had thrown me into the back of his van. I was sure I was going to die. I did not scream or move. I just lay rigid and then I found myself up near the roof of the van looking down on us both. When he stopped, I went back into my body.

Being raped - and not crying out - had a profound effect on me and about a year later I tried to kill myself. I was taken in a coma to hospital and was given a stomach pump etc. Then I was put in a private room in a psychiatric clinic with a nurse on guard. When I came round and opened my eyes and saw her and realized where I was, I left my body for a second time and again hovered above in the corner of the room. There was no strong, 'wonderful' feeling about this, nor any fear of death. I simply felt safe, 'removed', out of reach. They couldn't do anything to me.

I spent the following two years locked up in hospitals against my will. I was given 26 electro-convulsive therapies, 21 continuous days of deep narcosis. I have described in a short story written some years ago, the experience of leaving my body and looking down on myself, in this case after I had attempted to run away and had been recaptured. During those years, I could in fact leave my body at will though I only did so when I felt overwhelmed by what was going on in my life.

During the second year of my incarceration, I spent much of my time mute, rocking myself, lying with my head under a pillow and trying to be 'dead'. And then, one day I heard a voice in my head saying 'What do you think you are doing? Do you imagine God's going to come down and rescue you? If you want to get out of here you've got to do it yourself.' I sat up and there on the ward floor was a discarded newspaper. I hadn't read anything for more than a year and could not concentrate - until I came to a page about a lone sailor doing a circumnavigation. That, I thought, is what I want to do. In the article, the man was asked whether he ever got lonely. He said no, but it would be nice to find someone with a similar interest to come along too.

I wrote and told him that I would love to only he'd have to wait awhile as I was locked up in a lunatic asylum and wouldn't be free for several months. I also mentioned that I couldn't sail or cook but could swim and speak French! Only one person in the world would have answered that letter and I will have been married to him for 36 years soon.

In these out-of-body experiences I did not experience any of the other things noted by NDErs but I have absolutely no fear of death and I have a strong belief which I think may have been heightened by the whole above experience that there is absolutely no point to being alive unless you do something to make the world a better place.

I have had no similar experiences since that time. I am, I think, an exceptionally happy and fulfilled person and a friend recently said I was the sanest person she knows...

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:33 pm:

I was in Seattle, WA, on a business trip, and I awoke early one morning feeing very rested in my hotel bed. As I lay in bed with my eyes shut but thinking about what was to be done that day, I quite abruptly came out of my body and was rushing up through white billowy clouds. I was aware that I was in bed but in the air at the same time. I was both places at the same time. It was almost as if I were on the nose of a rocket and traveling at high velocity up through the clouds. The clouds opened up in a circle above me so that I could see blue sky. As I went farther up, the blue sky became increasing pale and transitioned to white and finally a brilliant white. There I stop going higher and just floated freely. With the brilliant white light came the most incredible love and peacefulness. It was as though every cell of my body was being bathed in love and on a molecular level. This was a love as I have never experienced before. All fear was gone and I completely surrendered to the love. After staying there in the white/love for some time, I remember thinking, "OK, I understand, I can go back now.” And, at that, I was out of the white and awake in bed. I am not sure who I was saying "OK" to or what I meant by "I understand", except that I had the understanding that "love" connects all.

The emotional after affect was great as I was in a state of bliss and of love for all people of any circumstance or state, all animals and plants or in short any thing living. I know now that all living things are connected, have great spirituality where I had none before. I understand that sorrow and love are like day and night. Sorrow is not bad as you must have it to appreciate the beauty of love. In other words, if we didn't have sorrow, love would be meaningless. Before my experience, these thoughts would have never crossed my mind. I am an avid outdoorsman and like hunting but since this experience, I can't take the life of any animal. I just like to watch them in the woods. Also, I have absolutely NO fear of dying. There have been other significant changes in me, too many to write about but simply said, I am a very different person now. My family knows this and so do my close friends. I haven't told many people of this for fear of ridicule. My wife and kids know and that is all. I wish everyone could have a similar experience. PS: I wish you had spell check on this.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:32 pm:

At 7 years of age, my father allowed me to accompany him at his occupation of dredging deep holes at the ends of piers. Having decided to 'road-test' one of my father's efforts, I looked up and saw through the murky depths of his recently-dredged hole in the white sandy floor of the lake, my arms straight out to my side, and felt a rush of water rush into my lungs. (I recall that the concept was quite frightening, but the end result was quite pleasant). An endless 'channel' of light invited me to a place in the clouds where a 'Spirit' in the appearance of a Biblical character, the same color as the clouds, informed me, telepathically, that I should "return and learn about life.” He would not look at me. I was deeply depressed at having to return to my body, but a power stronger than I had directed me to do so. The next thing I remembered was, five hundred feet down on the beach was my father pumping water from my lungs. I watched him do so until I began to cough water through my nose and sinuses, at which time I 'snapped' back into a body I never again wanted to inhabit. I cried as I looked up to see my father's face; not because of having been saved, not because I was afraid, but because I had to return from a place that all of us will eventually experience as the true "Heaven.”

I secretly look forward, with bated breath, my final 'return. '

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:31 pm:

I was a young bride aged 19 yrs married to an American ex-serviceman and living in a tiny flat. My late husband was attending [university] under the G. I. Bill. He was majoring in Business administration and Philosophy was a secondary subject. I was not working so, so in a small flat in a strange country I would devour his books on this subject including Adler, Freud and Plato to keep abreast of my husband on this subject. My brief experience occurred whilst I was reading Plato`s Phaedo where he was dialoging the existence of the soul. After finishing that chapter I was so moved by the beauty of it that I put the book in my lap and said to myself (perhaps out loud, I don’t remember) Oh how lovely, if only I could know it were true. Immediately on uttering this there was a swooshing sound and I ( the thinking ego I) WAS LIFTED UP TO THE CEILING my body remaining in the chair. This lasted just a split second, but needed no longer to convince me for the remainder of my life that we, the ESSENTIAL WE, ARE INDEED SEPARATE FROM OUR BODIES. It was as if someone wished proof for me after my remark.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:30 pm:

I am unsure if you qualify my experiences as "near death" as there was no sickness or injury involved. As far back as I can recall, as a child, I remember being woken in the night and hear voices. Specifically there were 2 male and 1 female debating/arguing amongst themselves. It was very clearly language, the pitch and intensity of these debates would vary but the actually "words" were always muffled together so I could not make out what they were saying - but got the distinct feeling that it was about me. Mostly I would remain in my bed as hot tears would run down my face as these "conversations" terrified me. I would plead in whispers for them to stop. There were several times that I did get courage enough to get up and go to our kitchen (the source of these 'voices") to investigate. As a child, I knew that this could not be - but was. I would only find myself standing alone in the kitchen while the rest of my family was sound asleep. I remember one time going into my parent's room - they were sound asleep, oblivious to the torment I was experiencing. I'd returned to my own bed, and the voices would pick up again. This did not happen every night (or week for that matter), but often enough through my early childhood for it to be considered routine, and seemingly random.

Around the age of 6, a new element is introduced.

I awoke one night to my terror of being pulled from my body and rising upwards to the ceiling of my room. I saw my body curled up under the covers and I tried to grasp at the lamp on my nightstand to hold myself down… but I continued to rise (I was no longer in the physical - how could I hold onto anything?!?) I rose to the ceiling, was held there only a few seconds (heart beating wildly (? again not possible)) before being the presence that was with me allowed me to descend back to my body. I had the awareness that this "presence" was connected to the 3 voices - but superior to them. Although the experience was terrifying to me, there was also a sense of security in this "presence.” I slept through the night, and was fully aware of what had happened when I woke the next morning. Once again, this would happen randomly to me for the next few years - each time it seemed like they would introduce me a bit further into this world. What I mean by this is: I would remain out-of-body for longer periods of time, and eventually "traveled" throughout my house with them. Each time I was still unnerved by all this, but slowly getting somewhat comfortable to the extent that I knew I would be ok. At no time did we leave the house.

My last OBE (which makes me connect this with near-death). . .

Everything I have shared with you up until this point leads to my last out of body experience. This one moment was defining to who I am today, and without it - I most likely would have recalled everything else as an overactive childhood imagination. I "awoke" to find myself already at the ceiling, and unlike all other times - completely comfortable and relaxed in this state (with my ever-present guide at my side).”He" led me through the adjoining wall into my parent's bedroom where they were sleeping peacefully. I vividly recall that the curtains were closed and I wanted to pull them back. A brief moment there, then we proceeded to go to our living room. The curtains were open, and outside it was light. I know it was night but everything was illuminated and my vision was so clear... much sharper. It was late winter/early spring and there was still snow on the ground glistening. For some strange reason I always think that there were 3 or 4 deer just to the side behind our hedge… I don't believe that they were actual deer - but somehow was only acceptable to picture what was there as deer (I know that makes little sense). Nothing to this day has been more beautiful or inviting than what I saw right outside the window that I looked out everyday. Except it was different this time - enhanced. I was overcome with the desire to place my "hands" on the window… and just go through it (like we had passed through the walls within the house) and be a part of that scene. As I willed myself to do just that, I was told it not time yet - and escorted back to my body.

This is my story. I believe I would have been physically dead to this world had I been allowed to pass through the window. I still have very strong presences in my life, they make themselves known in a variety of ways and I still don't always welcome them - however, there are days that I find myself seeking them to no avail.

I don't have any answers - I hope that in sharing this that others may find some answers to whatever questions they are bound in quest of. And I thank you for allowing me an opportunity to validate on some level, that which is a part of me (all of us) that the world tries to deny.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:29 pm:

I was put under anesthetic (ether I think) when I was 18 to surgically reset a broken ankle. Suddenly I was sitting on the fence in the back yard of the house my parents owned at the time. The fence happened to be at the crest of a hill and the land sloped away slightly on both sides. Then there was some kind of a flat surface in the plane of the fence. Then I was in this plane as a 2-deimnsional being, something like the bad guys in the “Superman II” (I think) movie I saw years later. Then I had a premonition I could fall either forwards or backwards, and as it happened, I fell back and into a multi-dimensional place that was full of a golden light and a wonderful feeling of love and unity and total knowledge (which I have not been permitted to keep). I felt I had been here before. Then suddenly I fell into a small black ball that was contracting exponentially ever faster as it was vibrating in exponentially ever faster in oscillations of exponentially ever greater amplitude. I also felt I had been here before too. Then the though hit me that there was no limit to how bad this could get, and I abandoned hope.

Then I woke up in the hospital ward and wept with relief. Then I reached out and took the daily newspaper from the table and read an interview with Aldous Huxley - an early researcher and author on hallucinogenic drugs. He said in the interview "we may be too deeply steeped in the situation into which somehow or other we seem to have stumbled, and out of which the question arises, to ever find an answer to it.” I was impressed he could see reality in that perspective, but I felt his speculation was wrong because I had just transcended that situation in which we are "steeped.”

I was sure I has seen heaven and hell, and the rest of my life would be an epilog. I was an Atheist when before the experience and a Theist after, although with no religious affiliation.

The experience motivated me to go to university and study General relativity, which I felt was full of theological significance. It depicts space-time as a hyper-surface, and particles of matter as creases in the surface, and gravity as curvature of the surface. Which idea I still feel is correct, but I also believe it's purpose is like that of a spider web, but what it catches are lost souls.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:27 pm:

Consumed with an Atheistic belief system and great dislike of life in general, I began experimenting with drugs, particularly LSD, in an attempt to explain this meaningless existence. My friends and I would go out to clubs and use large amounts of drugs while "partying"; but it was never about partying for me, it was about learning. What I was convincing myself was that the theory of evolution which was what was taught to me growing up was in fact true and that God and any Metaphysical plain was non-existent. That all changed one night nearly 10 years ago. We were on the club strip attempting to score some acid. That is when a gentleman I am very grateful to said with an incredible [aura] to him "Hey man, would you like to try some really good acid.” Of course I accepted. I took 10 hits.

I was slowly brought to a state of mind where sight was no longer a factor and my existence seemed to be of about the size of the head of a pin inside my head. Then came blackness. Next thing I knew I was consumed by an amazing light millions of times brighter than the sun. I moved into the light and became one with it; not losing my individuality, but gaining all knowledge of everyone and everything that ever lived. I experienced eternal unconditional love(for lack of a better word). Great knowledge was begun to be explained to me including the answers to all of the questions I had ever had. It was Paradise. I then found myself inside my body and stood up with my arms raised in a V. I was no longer an Atheist.

I began to research all religions. I became prideful and had absolutely no fear of God or death. I then tried to reproduce the experience with the same dosage on another party night. This time was not as wonderful. Close to my peak in the trip (poisoning), I felt a pop in my chest. This is when the room began to fill up with demonic beings (individuals). I was extremely frightened and the beings were laughing at me. This continued for hours, nearly landing me in a Psych ward. The next day I picked up a bible and while reading Matthew I read a passage (do unto others) which coincided with my experiences. I said inside my head "I want to serve Christ (God) and a loud bell (gong) went off. At that moment I converted to Christianity. My life since then has been incredibly beautifully. I now have a beautiful baby girl and Wife. Although I no longer fear death I do fear God. I owe the state of my life today to that experience and I will never forget. The way I got there was very risky and I am very lucky to be able to live a normal life. I would not recommend trying this to anyone.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:26 pm:

I was riding with a classmate going home after dropping his sister off at work on Thanksgiving Evening. we were coming up to an intersection and there was a car that was not moving, even though the traffic light was green. It was sleeting that night and my friend couldn’t slow down and stop the car in time because of the road conditions. We ran into their back end of their car. I was thrown thru the windshield and then I was thrown back inside the car in the front seat where I was sitting. At that moment, I saw a dark tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. And at the end of the tunnel was OUR LORD. He welcomed me with open arms. I was held there in His arms for a few moments. And HE told me that I couldn’t stay, there was something else left for me to do on this earth. And HE also said that Your children won’t see the day they become adults. That’s when I came back thru that tunnel and woke up inside the car. I got up and walked out of the car. I said to my friend and the other people in the car, “Why were they yelling at each other when I was the one that was hurt?”

They immediately came to my side to help me. I had a sustained lacerations to my forehead and nose that were bleeding uncontrollably. There was a couple that stopped to help us. I was told that she was an RN. She stayed with me while her husband called for help. When the EMS personnel arrived, this couple left. I never did get to find out who that couple was. There was no record of them being there on the police report. I’ve been told that those 2 people were angels sent to help me with my injuries.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:25 pm:

I was walking toward a light. It was very bright... and white. At then, at the end of the way, I seemed to step out of a hallway into the purest light that I have no real wards to describe. It was not at all offensive to my eyes. Very wonderful! I took a hand and although I didn't look at the angel, I knew it was an angel. He had a white sleeve, looking like that of a robe, and his hand was like that of a full grown man, except it had absolutely no sign of age. We walked to a pedestal that had a big book. The book had a tapestry front and looked to be ancient somehow, but again not aged. I think it was a needlepoint type of design. The Angel opened the book and turned to a place about 2/3 of the way through it, and I watched him run his finger down a long list of names and stop at my name. I didn't read my name exactly, but I actually did see it. I just knew it was mine. The Angel communicated that to me where we were going. He said no words - I just sort of heard him in my head and I spoke back to him in the same way. I know that sounds weird, but it was something like my mind speaking to his - with perfect understanding and in my head I heard the words.

After he pointed out my name in the book, he took my hand and we walked up to some huge double doors. The were made of wood. They were absolutely huge! The doors opened in on their own and we walked into a big room. It was very light and there was a sence of the most perfect peace. There were lots of other people there, all sitting on the floor all in white robes. I never saw any of their faces, but I knew they were people just like me. We walked through the people and the Angel pointed to a spot and told me (without audible words) that I was to sit there and wait. I sat down and wondered what we were all waiting for, and then I saw a sort of platform with a throne. The throne was empty, but the light seemed to be closer or more bright there, and someone (I think the Angel) told me we were waiting for Him (I assumed Jesus) to come sit on the throne. I noticed one odd thing that has always puzzled me. There were bits of straw on the floor. I don't know what the significance of that was, or why I noticed it. I do know that everything I noticed, I was drawn to notice as if it were dictated that these things I was to take note of and remember.

I wasn't there long. I think the Angel left. But while I was there, I asked some questions that I had needed to know since childhood and the questions were answered. The answers were not the answers I wanted to hear, but the answers were not distressing, because I was told in my mind that “It doesn't matter - nothing that happens down there matters. It is insignificant. Here you will have nothing but the peace you feel right at this moment forever. That's how it is here.” Not exactly in those words, but the answers just came. I heard the words as if they were spoken, but there were no sounds that I heard with my ears. During that short time, I received a tremendous amount of understanding about living, comfort, security and happiness... that I've never forgotten.

Then, as I sat there, suddenly the angel came and put his hand out to me. I took it and he led me back out of the doors, and as we walked past the Pedestal where the book was, I was drawn to look at the pedestal... it was wood and I was told (maybe it was the angel, I'm not sure) that it was made from the cross that Jesus died on. As we passed I think I reached out to touch it and just the tips of my fingers brushed it.

It was like seconds after that, that I was back through the hallway and when I opened my eyes, I saw flowers on a shelf (they were in my hospital room). At first I thought: "oh... I have to have a funeral before I can return.” Then I realized what the flowers were and I was disappointed that I was back and not still going to be there. Not really angry, just disappointed that I had to leave that place and come back.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:23 pm:

My mother sent me to the near by Seven-Eleven for a can of soup she realized she needed for dinner and some soda pop. I was ten years old and this was an errand I did often for my parents and was happy to do it especially on a beautiful sunny April afternoon like this one. I got to the store to find that they didn't have the soup that my mom had requested, so I purchased the soda and went to the pay phone to call her and tell her that they didn't have the soup she needed and see if maybe there was another kind she could use instead. She told me, that it was ok because my Dad had just got home from work and she would send him to the grocery store instead and to just come home. And off I went without a care in the world; I turned up an alley that ran behind our home. We only lived 5 houses up and when I reached the back of the fourth house a woman yelled to me from the street, "Hey! Little Girl!" I stooped to see what she wanted and ironically saw my Dad's truck driving down the street behind her. I said "What?" She said, "Come here.” I then told her "No", thinking I'm only one house from home and don't want to walk back only to return after helping her with whatever it was that she needed. So I waited for her to come to me.

When she was only about 3 feet in front of me I saw in her right hand a knife. Which I immediately assumed had to be a toy knife and she was going to play a practical joke on me or something like that. In an instant she grabbed my right arm with her left hand and began to stab me. The first blow was a tremendous shock and extremely painful. My left arm had a brown paper bag with a 6 pack of soda in it, and this I began to use as a kind of shield. I squirmed and pulled but could not free myself of her grasp. All the time thinking, "What I did to this stranger to deserve this?" She stabbed me three times in the chest with a common kitchen-paring knife, and stopped only because the knife bent in half on my chest bone. She then ran, as did I. I was aware I was dying, and knew I had to tell my mother that I loved her before I did, and began to run towards my house. This was very hard as I was bleeding internally and my legs hurt very badly from lack of circulation. I collapsed to my knees as soon as I entered the yard, and then screamed for my mom. I knew I had to get up and somehow managed to do this. I began to run to the house when my mom came out. I got to her, fell to my knees and said "Why did that lady do that to me? Why did that lady do that to me?" I knew I was dying and my mom asked, "What lady?" I said, "I love you, Mom,” and went unconscious. I was in and out of consciousness. My mother wasn't sure what had happened exactly because the stab wound produced very little blood outside of my body and instead filled my lungs. She was on the telephone with emergency when I became conscious again the first time, I called to her and she came and asked me, "What lady did this?" and I told her, "A Mexican lady,” and went unconscious again. I came barely conscious again in the back yard only to realize how painful my legs where. The next time I came conscious I was in the ambulance and a group of some 5 or 6 men where ripping off my clothes and putting on these strange pants and squeezed my legs, and this scared me. I started fighting them and then went unconscious. I was conscious again in the hospital and saw a lot of people in frenzy and my legs still hurt very badly.

The next time I was conscious, I was floating near the ceiling and saw my self lying on the table with a lot of people trying to safe my life. I knew I was dead because I heard someone say; "We lost her,” and they began to panic. I turned away from my body and immediately found my self floating, as if walking, through a tunnel toward a bright light at very end. The movement through the tunnel was continued in a slow sort of methodical way, never speeding up or slowing down. And as I consistently glided on, images of everyone I knew and love drifted past me on the sides. I saw my Aunt Vicky and her new baby boy. They were happy. I saw my mom cleaning the house. I saw my dad getting in his truck. I believe I saw more images, but can't recall all of them. Them I felt as if some one else was there but did not see them. They said, "It wasn't time for me to go.” And very abruptly it seemed, I was taken or jerked out of the tunnel.

The next thing I knew I was sitting on the roof of the hospital, or above it somehow, waiting. I was watching the cars drive by and it began to snow. Someone approached me on my left, I could hear and feel their presence, but never saw their image. This presence moved from my left behind me and sat on my right and we talked. I know the conversation was light and about not anything too dramatic or demanding. We spoke of easy things, like to people who are just getting to know each other might do, and it also was very comfortable, as if I had known them my entire life. They said that I had another purpose and that I needed to go back. We sat for a time longer and watched it snow together.

The next thing I knew I was waking in the hospital with tubes in every part of my body. I was unable to speak because I had a respirator, and both of my arms where splinted at the elbows. I banged on the bars until someone heard me. Then asked for my mom. I told her again "That I loved her,” as soon as I saw her. I then was given a pen to communicate, and it was only then that anyone knew exactly what had happened. The woman was then caught. I told my Mom, when I was able to speak, about the out of body experience and the light and that I watched it snow. She was astonished by this and told me that she too had watched it begin to snow. We both spoke of the car that was in front of the hospital. I told her it wasn't my time to go. She was glad. I wouldn't change any of my attack because I feel that the gift of life from a new perspective has made me richer of soul and understanding. That life is a gift of time to enjoy everything you can, to love, to laugh, and to cry. To just experience and learn. And when you leave the earth to go wherever you go, you take every feeling and experience with you. I often say that I don't fear death, I fear having to live without those I love on earth more. It's interesting that I was torn about having to return to earth, but believe that I would have lived it up either way.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:22 pm:

I had taken a bottle of adult aspirin for back pain, about 100-160 caplets, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of iodine. I had been on the phone with a friend and told them what I had done. I realized that someone would find me if I stayed at my house. So I hid at the dock about five minutes away. I knew where there was a ditch that no one would find me. It was raining terribly and I hid down the ditch between a piece of wood and a tree. I remember hearing people yell my name and the sounds of people walking around searching but I could not move. My vision was blank. I fell asleep for what turned out to be six hours. I remember looking up from my sanctuary and thinking this feels like a grave. I saw Blackie, a ghost I had been close to since early childhood. I had not seen him in a long time. He was motioning for me to come to him. It was late night/early morning. I began to claw my way up out of the ditch afraid to look behind me and see my dead body. My motions were stilted and my mind muddy. For the whole time I felt dead. No angels, family members, light in a tunnel. Just emptiness. I finally clawed my way to the top. By this time the paramedics and police had given up and told my parents the chances that I was alive were slim.

When I got to the top Blackie had moved. My head was spinning and I could barely walk, but I knew Blackie was leading me and I had to follow. I stumbled after him and he seemed to flit from sight and move to a new location. I followed. It was now around 3 am. After about fifteen minutes of my unsteady steps, I saw him reach the driveway to the docks. And then he smiled and was gone. I walked to the spot he disappeared at and looked up the street. Even at that late hour my parents had not abandoned their search. My father was at home waiting for any phone calls that may lead to finding me. But like a beautiful angel, my mother was walking my dog. I saw her and Barron and for a moment I thought it was just what I wanted to see. And then she called my name. And I ran to her.

The next day a doctor checked me out and amazingly I was fine. But I had myself institutionalized. While I was there I was awoken every night at least twice. It turns out that the doctors were sure my organs were going to fail from what I had done. But after a week of therapy and blood tests, they were all shocked to see that I was perfectly fine. And I knew there had to be some reason I didn't die that night. And I will live to find out what it is.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:20 pm:

[Shortly after the accident]
I was involved in a MVA with a train in. My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.

My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. A lot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes , felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me ... that I wasn't to just stop.

I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While laying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else. The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping almost. Like a releasing of all will to live and letting go.

My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax(collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50). I was airlifted to nearest trauma centre where I had other strange occurrences, but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.

[Narrated two years later]

MVA in with a freight train. Passenger in car died on top of me. Felt incredible heat and light ... experienced her death with her ... I think it was at this point I left this world briefly ... came to smelling baby's neck smell ... I was conscious the entire time from moment of impact to transfer in ambulance to hospital. I broke my neck, back, pelvis, ribs, punctured lung. I was able to slide out of the car thru the window. Witnesses state it was hard to understand how I was doing it as my limbs appeared rubbery. Fell down, got back up again ... over and over. Kept trying to walk away. Appeared to witnesses as if someone was "pulling strings" above me. I saw my Dad who has been dead since 1985. Nurses and Doctors have no explanation for why I am alive ... most said it was a "miracle.” It has changed my life ... totally... in good and bad ways.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:17 pm:

It began with no warning, well, no conventional warning.
I heard a voice, in my mind, say "Get ready, something is going to happen. Don't let them interfere..”

I thought it some fancy of my young mind ... however, I took such fancies to heart. Especially since they were not your usual childhood fare.

I told the person that was with me, that something unusual was going to happen and all that I could tell her about it, was that she must not interfere ... no matter what.

I lay back and saw a light form leave my body. As it was leaving, I realized that it was me. I knew that I was dying. I gasped to get air into my starved lungs ... but something went awry. I was yanked out of my body. I had no doubt that I was dead, stone cold dead. I would have panicked, if I had cared much. Death was not too shabby, weird, not at all what I expected, but none to shabby. I was seeing and learning information about the very fabric of things, the nature of the Universe, how micro becomes macro and vice versa.

I followed the proverbial light, through space ... not a tunnel.

I figured out some things that changed me forever. I worked out that the Universe is far from static, and that we affect it every day ... we just don't notice to what extent we are changing that which we observe.
I got to a boundary and knew that to proceed would break the tether to my body, and then getting to either my body or the light would require me to move under my own will. Those who got distracted and wandered were caught in a dream world of sorts, searching for connections that can lead them home ... what/where ever home may be for their soul. It is not a scary place, like the limbo we often think of. It is just a waking dream of the spirit.

Suddenly I was yanked out of my litany of questions that I was systematically throwing at the Universe, with mixed results.

I found myself in my body, sort of. That was the only frightening part of the experience, being half in and half out of my body. It was like having my own feeling body, sewn to a corpse. I could see body parts, like my hand lying limply in my lap, but I felt my hand on my friend's shoulder and I felt horrid and transient, like I could be ripped out again. After a time, it righted itself. A few minutes passed before I was right in the head.

My friend had been furious at me for dying on her. She got no life signs from me for over ten minutes, according to her. I didn't know that was possible, to be dead that long with no brain damage. In emergency medical training we heard of stories where people were brought back in far stranger circumstances ... many of them children. Kids just come back easier ... no one seems sure why, but it is one of the perks to resuscitating tykes, they survive.

My friend was so freaked out that it ended our friendship. It made me who and what I am today. A child no more, I now wonder what happened, however, my belief that what I experienced was real and tangible ... so to speak, is unwavering.

Heady stuff for a child of twelve. Mildly confusing to the woman I would become.

I left home after that, at age twelve. I returned at the age of thirteen, and lived as an adult with my parents after that. Even they knew that something would never be the same again. I left school and attended college at the age of sixteen, and left home for the final time at age seventeen. I was an honour student for the four years, 4. 0 GPA, and as peculiar as they come. I am now an ordained minister, non-denominational, and have several interests that are service oriented. I feel like I can do right by the lifeforce, if I start with those around me.

Thanks for compiling this data. I could have used it growing up, and now others can find it while still in the throws of dealing with this phenomena.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:16 pm:

I was hit while crossing on a green light. Not my fault, but that didn't matter much in the aftermath.
I was conscious through it all, for a time anyway. I had some medical training, which meant that I knew exactly how broken up I was. My gallows sense of humour never left me for a moment. I knew that I was bleeding out. I knew that my lower right leg was •••• near destroyed mid leg.

I would have been far more unnerved, but for the crowd that had gathered at my feet. They were inadvertently blocking traffic, and I could feel a most tangible sense of love and protection. They were so kind and caring and longing to help, though they could do little else but emote. One woman held my head an inch from the cold pavement, and a young man held my hand to console me. I didn't cry, I didn't even mind the pain.

I was suddenly aware that there were far more people that were kind and caring, than I had ever thought possible. The fire department had fire-fighters on scene after what seemed like ages, but was only about five minutes from the time of impact. They were cracking jokes with me. They too are often possessed of a wicked sense of dark humour.

I used the memory of those nice loving people to hold me together through what was to follow. I saw the skull x-ray, my skull x-ray. It was not good. Eight staples later, they stopped the bleeding of my scalp ... no problem. Then I saw my leg, not good. I was conscious, and determined to remain so with the head injury that I had sustained. I did not want to experience a coma ... again. I insisted on having an epidural. I happily bent over, shattered leg and all, and took the needle without a single wince.

Somewhere, something went awry, I dropped out ... and woke up barely stable and just post intubation. Which is not fun, ask anyone who's been there.

I have had more than one run in with death, and I am starting to understand things that are somewhat disturbing in the scope and depth to which they have taken my awareness.

I was physically too fragile to even be moved after the accident, and for a week thereafter. I underwent another two or three operations after that. All were preformed in the trauma unit. In the end, I lived. In theory ...

I spent a year in a wheelchair. I was fueled by the sheer depth of the love I had felt from the bystanders at the accident. I told many people in hospital of my revelation and how it drove me to have a new outlook on the world.

I began go outside when accidents happened in front of my house, as I had once done while training to be an EMT firefighter. I was barely mobile and still had a concussion, but I was driven to help others the way I had been helped. I made a difference too. I was again driven to become medic.

One day my friend, who was at the accident scene, was listening to me tell the story of all the wonderfully kind bystanders that changed my life path. He was giving me an odd look. He told me that there was no one there. He insisted that only two drivers stopped to watch, and that even the fire dept. was not on scene then, there simply were no bystanders, let alone a whole throng of them. I described the woman who held my head and the man who held my hand, and how they had been there while he had been watching. He was positive that no person even touched me before the engine and medics had arrived. None of them fit the descriptions that I gave.

I was heartbroken at first. I wanted them to be corporeal people, then I could view all mankind in a more gentle light. Then it dawned on me, that whatever caused my 'vision' of those loving people, it was acting in my best interest. Whether it was a misfire of a mass of damaged neurons, or an assembly or angels, or just the poor souls of civilians that have met their end in that intersection, it did not matter. At worst, we are highly adapted to stress and can chemically ease our death with nice images and emotions. At best, there is a force out there that has our best interests in mind, and heart.

I am not the same person who was hit; she died, in one way ... if not the other. I never sought confirmation of clinical death at the time. I was a bit busy trying to stop bleeding. That lasted longer than you would think, over the next few months.

I could have lost my leg, which was reattached, and I would not have had trouble accepting that. In fact, I expected to lose it. I could have bled out, a half dozen times, and that was fine by me as well. I fully expected to die in that street, and I was completely at peace with the world. My heart was as light as a feather. I knew true love. I could die quite happy. It was a good day to die, I guess.

So, no matter what we face, it is nice to know that we can never be alone in crisis. Whether an hallucination, or the love of the spirit, or the love of Our Lady, the outcome is the same.

I want to train to become a medic again. I understand a fearlessness and composure that is highly adaptable in such chaos. I can bring this force with me to others and console them, even amidst their own medical nightmare. The response has been remarkable. Now and again they find me after their accidents, and they are so happy and so thankful that someone had been there to help them and notify their families. It was not me in particular that they felt grateful for, it was the fact that someone, a stranger, would help them in their darkest hour. Someone who wanted nothing more than to ease every ounce of their suffering and who would hold their hand. Someone who had faith, in everything and everyone.

That is what I keep in my heart. ..
That is who I am now, the stranger who holds hands in the darkest hours.

I am happy. I get it now. Life is work, and I love it. .. and all in it.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:15 pm:

I was nine years old, months before we would leave Alaska (Dad was stationed there in the Air Force). My friends and I were playing a game called "Bumper Cars" on the slide, about fifty yards from my back porch. I was the first in line, so I slid to the end of the slide, turned sideways so my feet would not touch the ground, and then one by one, each child slid down behind me, ultimately trying to knock me off of the slide. I had about six of them piled up behind me when I finally lost my grip and fell off. This time, everyone else fell with me and I ended up at the bottom of a very heavy pile of kids. I had hyper-extended my wrist a little bit, pulling the muscle at the back of my forearm. I yelled for them to let me up, and then I started walking toward my house. I got about half-way there when everything went black. I had fallen flat on my face, breaking my front tooth. My friends all thought I was faking it, or just kidding around, until one of them saw that I was convulsing. My best friend went to get my mother, and her sister went to get their mother. Both mothers tried to call an ambulance at the same time, but got a busy signal, two or three times before they simultaneously ran out to check on me. Meanwhile, I have this "dream": I approach the back door of my house, and my mother meets me there. I tell her I don't feel good, and she picks me up and carries me to my room. I note that my room is beautiful, clothed in soft, white cotton, and the sheer white curtains floated on the breeze above my bed (from behind the headboard). Mom puts me to bed, kisses me on the forehead and says, "You'll be alright, sweetheart. You just need to rest for a while.” And then she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. When the door closes, everything goes black again, and then there's the bright tunnel. From the side of the tunnel, as if He himself is hiding in the darkness, a man's hand reaches down, as if to help me up. I reach for the hand, but before I manage to touch it, I hear a thunderous, (commanding but not frightening) male voice say, "No!" and I think "Not yet” was implied to me.

Simultaneously, I hear my mother's voice screaming, "My baby! My baby!" and I thought I heard her follow up with ”... is dead!" Turns out, somebody else said, "She's dead!" I struggle a little bit, but I can't wake up, I can't feel anything, can't move, and can't see. I start to scream, loudly and struggle to be able to do any of the above. I can't stop screaming until a hear the sirens, and I can tell they are getting closer. Finally, I regain vision, but I still can't feel, move, or speak.

The ambulance arrives and the sirens stop. Two men load me into the ambulance, and my eleven-year-old brother wants to go. They stop him and I see his face as he breaks into tears. I'm finally able to speak, "It's ok. Maybe Dad can bring you to see me.” Then, they close the doors and rush me to the emergency room.
Upon my arrival, there is nothing medically to find other than the obvious - signs that I had lost control of my bladder, I had broken a tooth, and I am now vomiting somewhat. Doctors follow up for months with EEG's, EKG's, blood work, you name it. They find nothing, not even initially, any evidence of my having hurt my arm or wrist. The pain was gone and never came back.

I recall feeling somewhat misplaced for a long time afterward. It wasn't like I didn't belong here, but more like I wasn't really here. I still feel that way on one hand, but at the same time, like there is a reason for it all. I can certainly see that I am needed in this place we call Planet Earth. I am very empathetic; I tend to literally feel the pain that others experience in everyday life. Signs of moral corruption leave me with an undeniable need to pray for people, both the corrupt and victims of such. I have experienced religiously oriented nightmares, as well as vivid dreams that soon after proved to have been foretelling. Such as, when I was about three months pregnant with my first (and only) son, I had been recently concerned about how I would know what my newborn would need or want. Then, I had this dream: I was in the delivery room, the doctor handed me this baby. His skin was somewhat dark, but his hair was blond and curly. (My baby was born with thick, wavy blond hair and somewhat dark skin. He tans very easily and never gets sun burnt, despite the fact that he spends a lot of time in the sun.) Within minutes, he appeared to be a three or four-year-old boy, but still tiny and wrapped in the hospital blanket. He looked at me with purpose and told me in plain English what he needed. (When my son was born, he carried a look of purpose, intense understanding.) I woke from that dream knowing that I wouldn't have any trouble on the receiving end of communicating with my newborn.

Here's what's really weird: For the first three months of his life, he always woke up between four and five in the morning, screaming like he was starving to death. One morning, when he was less than ten days old, he did this, and before I could start feeding him, he screamed, "Hungy!" Not once, but four times with each breath that he took. The last time was just as clear as the first. He is now five years old, and people are shocked upon meeting him to hear such articulate vocabulary and ideas come from a child his age. He talks in his sleep and when he's alone. He talks to strangers without skipping a beat. He never stops, and I know he didn't inherit this trait from his father or me, because neither of us are "talkers.”

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  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:48 pm:

I was admitted to hospital for an elective surgery procedure, to have my wisdom teeth removed. The surgery was to be performed under a general anesthetic. I was not aware of any adverse incidents until I awoke in recovery. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't breathe properly and felt extremely distressed. There was medical staff running around and they were trying to secure an oxygen mask over my face and there were monitors everywhere.

Apparently just after the anesthetic was administered, I spasmed and regurgitated gastric juices. This caused me to choke and stop breathing. My heart then went into ventricular defibrillation. They had to clear the airway, intubate and defibrillate to bring me back from the brink.

I didn't really feel anything different until about two weeks after my experience.

How has this changed me. I have started to exercise and go the gym. I have lost so much weight from the exercise its great. I have become more narcissitic. I have developed a taste for dangerous pursuits, eg, speeding on the highway, whereas I was always a conservative driver. I have started to seek physical validation from the fairer sex more often. My sex drive is so strong now it’s embarrassing. My fear factor of things known and unknown has decreased. Death does not scare me anymore.

I have started to express my thoughts and emotions more freely and vocally; this has caused angst amongst my family and friends and work colleagues. I have stopped anti-depressant medication I was on for ten years, I am sick of being sedated. My thinking is clearer and my intuition has become stronger. My career goals have become clearer, and I have become more brutal in the work place instead of just accepting things the way they are. I am no longer afraid to speak my mind, and I now welcome stressful situations. I look forward to confrontation, whereas before I was always one to avoid stress and confrontation. I have become harder of heart and will not allow myself to get close to people again. I will not allow myself to be used or hurt by anyone again.

I am starting to like myself, for the first time in my life. This has been a mixed experience and I am so grateful for it. It has opened my eyes and changed me forever.

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  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:47 pm:

After the event, I passed out on the river bank and saw people looking down at me with no one doing anything. An ambulance had been called and I watched it take the long way to get to me. Watched as they transferred me another ambulance. Woke up later in the hospital and the nurse said, "Oh you’re awake. “Let me hook you up and I'll go get the doctor.”

While she was inserting butterfly in my wrist, I noticed the time was 11:18. She put the oxygen tube on me and during the course of the conversation; she told me that it was Tuesday - not Sunday. I then realized that I still had on my wet/muddy pants and socks on that I had worn in the canoe race, and asked her why I still had these on. She said, "We were going to let the morgue take them off.”

I don't know where I was at the time, but where I went was very different. I couldn't see myself nor were there any colors or direction -- no up, down, front, back. The only thing I observed was a lite [light?] where I knew every thing else was, and that I was no-where for eternity. I saw nothing else but knew it was there someplace.

My interpretation is that being alone for eternity was my "hell," if it does exist.

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  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:45 pm:

I went into the hospital because I could not keep any food down for over a month. When I was admitted in critical condition, I was given Compazine to calm my stomach down. Five seconds later, I was given another dose. I knew something was very wrong because my chest felt as if I had bricks on it and the pain was intense. I buzzed for the nurse and no one came to see what was wrong. I died 3 times that day because of the error. When I died the first time, I went into a white tunnel and god was waiting there for me. I wanted to stay. The second time, I saw my mom's dad that died when she was 12. On the third time, my dead grandmother and my dead aunt, both on my mom's side, told me to go back. God has given you a second try, go back. It is now 2004 and God has given me a 2nd try.

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  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:44 pm:

I'm a normal person and sometimes I do not wish to talk about my experiences because I'm afraid that people might think I'm crazy. But I'm very much disturbed because my experiences are recurring. I experience NDE several times. I don’t know if it’s NDE, its like a nightmare. Its in my dreams.

There are two types of NDE that I experience: one is I'm awake and one is I'm sleeping.

EXPERIENCE 1. I was riding in a bus because I’m going to my home province when I suddenly feel terribly nervous. My heart was beating fast and I can hear my heartbeats. I'm very much disturb and I cried. I feel like something is going to happen and I'm gonna die. I look at the people inside the bus and they were all comfortable. I can feel that I'm the only who's gonna die. I've been riding a bus for all my life but that was the first time I felt that. And so while crying I prayed a lot. And as the bus goes near to my province, I've become more worried and afraid of dying. And then finally when the bus entered into my province, something really happened that I cannot forget. Someone from outside the bus throw a rock/stone in the bus and it hits the glass window where I was sitted. Good thing I was able to accidentally save myself by adjusting the back rest of the chair where I was sitted. And that simultaneously happened. I decided to take a rest by resting my back and adjusting the back rest of the chair where I was sitted and as soon as I have rested my back I saw the stone from the broken glass window pass by in front of my face. If I did not rest my back on the back rest and adjust it the stone could have hit my head and the pieces of the broken glass window could have hit my neck, head and face.

Eperience 2. Same thing on the experience 1: I suddenly felt terribly nervous without any reason. I was just inside a canteen and eating the same meal that I eat everyday. It's just an ordinary day when I felt that something is gonna happen again. I don’t know what it is but I’m really nervous. I decided to stand up and finish my meal prematurely. And as soon as I have stand and take three steps the big lamp or light inside that canteen fell exactly where I was sitted. Thanks God I'm able to save my self again accidentaly.

Eperience 3. This happens just now. I'm in my bed and was sleep. I was awakened (not sure if I'm really awakened) by the noise in front of me, I saw a big bird, as big as a rooster, continuesly moving his wings. As he move his wings I can’t breath. I tried to shout but I lost my voice. I don’t know if I'm having a nightmare or its real, because I know that I'm already awake, but the image of the big bird flying in front of me while I was lying in my bed was still there. I'm awake but I could not even opened my eyes. I cannot move my body. Finally I was able to move my fingers and then every part of my body. But I feel like my body doesn’t feel anything. Still catching my breath, I stand up and drink water. It took almost half an hour before my breath has stabilized.

I know its not so extra ordinary to have experience nightmares if its nightmare. All I know is that when I experienced it, I’m going to die because I can’t breath. My problem is that it always happen, I'm experiencing these things at least once or twice every month. And I'm really afraid that when it happens again I will not survive.

The first and second experiences also happens to me very often the only difference are the situations.

It's really disturbing. I know I'm near death.

If you know something that I can do prevent these things from happening again please tell me. The first and second experiences, I consider them gift. Gift of feeling or sensing the danger before it actually arrives. But EXPERIENCE 3 is very disturbing.

These are just few of lots of strange things happening to me and I don’t like it.

Anyway thanks for taking time reading this. I hope to hear from you guys if there is anything I can do to prevent it from happening again or if you know someone who experience the same thing please inform me.

Thanks Again and more power to your org.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, April 30, 2004 - 07:59 pm:

I was attacked and stabbed 40-60 times and knew I would die but would also live if they got me to a hospital in time. I flat-lined, but cannot remember anything when I first arrived at the hospital. I then later flat-lined whilst in surgery in the intensive care dept. I think it was, it was then that I felt myself floating towards the ceiling. The horrendous pain I had been in was gone and it’s hard to describe but I felt surrounded/infused with this powerful "LOVE." It must be how a baby must feel whilst growing in its mother’s womb. I don't know how else to describe it. I felt safe. I remember looking down and seeing my body lying there with the doctors/nurses working on me, I could hear them saying she's not responding. One of the doctors told a nurse to stand clear. I remember looking at what they were wearing on their feet, and watching what they were doing and saying. It was then that I suddenly knew I had to go back, that there is a reason for me being alive today something I have yet to do. I then heard the doctor say stand clear we will try one last time - they had been trying to resuscitate me with those electric pad things. It was then that I felt a painfully sharp pain in my chest. It felt like I had been "sucked" back into my body, and I mean literally sucked.

Apparently I was moved to the high dependency unit of intensive care where they say only one in ten go out alive. I was in a coma, but came out of it within 3 days. Although the doctors expected me to be in hospital for months, it was in fact only 3-4 weeks. Even though both my lungs had been stabbed 3-4 times each and had collapsed, both my kidneys had been lacerated several times, also my kidney, bowels and two main arteries had been severed, plus all the other stab wounds and the fact that I had lost so much blood that I should not have survived. To this day, the doctors, specialists, surgeons all say it was a miracle and that I should be dead. I recovered quickly and was walking out of the hospital within four weeks. Although I have been left with scars and no feeling in most parts of my body, left asthmatic and prone to infections, I know now I'm here for a purpose. I even know when things are going to happen, sometimes both good and bad like a women’s intuition but highly intensified. But that’s another thing that I could tell you about for ages. I'm still coming to terms with it as it sometimes creeps both myself and others out. Yet I know this has something to do with my N. D. E.

Thank you for letting me tell someone this. Most people either don't want to hear about it 'cause it freaks them, or they look at me like I'm crazy. But no matter what, no-one will ever change my mind about what I experienced.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, April 30, 2004 - 07:58 pm:

As I was being attended in the ER, I was suddenly in a room that appeared to be a well-appointed office paneled in dark, rich wood. On my left-front, there were a series of shelves containing many small figurines that appeared to be made of pewter. It seems that some were of horsemen, knights and the like.

The focus of the experience, however, was on a well dressed professional looking man standing before me and apparently communicating with me. (Although I don't believe that there was any verbal communication, there was perfect understanding.) The person wore a white shirt and neck tie, and appeared as some one who had just removed his suit coat. The entire scene had the impression of informality, but yet being very important. This person seemed to be using a blackboard and white chalk as an aid to his delivery. The most apt way that I have found to convey my overall impression is to liken it to an orientation session for some corporation/ business.

I remember distinctly trying, during the experience, to put it into proper context. I told myself that I was "dreaming" but, as if arguing with myself, saying, "No, this is entirely too real to be a dream.” Also while the experience was unfolding all the details were vividly clear. Then suddenly I seemed to be removed from that "office-instructional" situation and I was floating on my back, feet first through a dark void. At once, the experience was past and the vivid details became very indistinct and remain so today. The overall impressions, however, remain with me and positively so.

There was no fear associated with this void, in fact I was unnaturally calm. Delightfully at peace. (endorphins?)

During the 'void-journey' phase the medical staff must have been resuscitating me, because it all ended abruptly by someone rudely kicking me in the backside. I was suddenly back in the ER and very unhappy about being handled so roughly.

Upon waking I was relieved of the pain and from then on there was a perfect recovery. I have made no assumption regarding religion or paranormal, however, I believe that my NDE was the paramount event in my life. Partially as a result of it, I have an altered belief of life(s) and death - which I now feel is a transition rather than a termination.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, April 30, 2004 - 07:56 pm:

Out of body. Looking down on self. Coming out of like a dark cave. Been carried at fast speed, standing up, by someone holding my back, through a dark valley, then I was stopped at the still waters. When I was satisfied of all I had seen there, I was taken further, then stood in front of the door of heaven. My life, what seemed to have been 20 min. long, my life went in like fast forward video mode behind me. The bright orange glow of heaven shone through the edge of the door. The door seemed about 12 ft. high. Then mad that church does not teach us what to do when we die and come to the door. Had extreme happiness engulf my soul. I could move my head to look around. Was given the choice to go through the door, or come back as soon as I had decided I wanted to be back with the children. I had a massive thump back into my body.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, April 30, 2004 - 07:55 pm:

I was on my way home from work. It was a very hot day. I had never had low blood sugar before, so this was something new for me and my family. I got off the bus and was walking up the steps to my house I thought I never made it in the house. To this day I thought I was outside because it was bright, warm, and the sun was shining, and I could hear a female voice leaning over me and calling my name and asking me if I was alright. When I would look up I would see a profile of a face, but the face was different colors, bright colors. Today I just asked my sister if I was outside, and she told me I had came inside and my father noticed I wasn't myself and called the ambulance. All this time I thought I was outside because it was real to me.

To continue, when I woke up I was in the intensive care emergency room. A nurse had just walked in and asked me how was I doing and if I wanted some orange juice. I told her fine and yes I would. I remember laying there and closing my eyes. The next thing I remember is sort of floating over this beautiful landscape of green, green grass and the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen in my life. I feeling around me was the most loving feeling and the sun was shining soooo bright, but it was not hot, it was warm, just right and I could see in the distance, a tree, a large tree, and I remember I had to go toward it.

As I was floating towards the tree I could hear a voice say “you can't go now.” I stopped and looked around, but I don't remember seeing anyone, but I felt someone. I remember saying, but not speaking, “I don't want to leave.” I could hear the voice in my head saying “not now, your children need you, look up.” I looked up and I could see my two children and my husband reaching over a mountain trying to grab my hand. I seem like I was at the bottom of this steep cliff. The voice told me to go but don't let the hands touch me. At that moment I began to raise up the side of the cliff. I then notice hands started to reach out of the cliff. Just as I was almost at the top, I could see my family reaching for me, and all of a sudden I felt as though I was pushed up and over, and I woke up.

At the moment I woke up, the nurse was walking back in my room with my juice. At first I didn't realize what had happen, and I couldn't believe what had just happen. But I know it had happened, I believed what happened. I felt it. After this, I wasn't afraid of death. I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me; I was afraid no one would believe me. It wasn't until I heard a little girl on a talk show talking about her near death experience and what she saw. I told myself if this child could see similar details of what I saw, then I was not alone. I then told my father what had happened to me that day. [He] then told me my mother, who had past when I was twelve years old, had seen a green grass and flowers, and he said she had told him about the same feelings, the warmth, the brightness, the love. He said she had told him this before she died.

This is not the only time I have had a near death experience. I had another one in the year 1998. I had another hypoglycemic experience. This time I was with my fiancée at his house. He told me we were sleeping. He turned over and put his arm over me and I was cold. He woke up and said I was not breathing right. He said he got me up and starting walking with me and calling my name. He said all of sudden I stopped breathing, and he kept yelling for me to breath but I wouldn't. He said after a while I just all of a sudden took a deep breath and started to breath. After that he called the ambulance. Doing all of this, I remember laying on the bed, and all of a sudden I was in this very bright place full of warmth and love. I was not alone. I could feel someone on both sides of me, and we were approaching this person with two other persons on each side of person. I felt as though this person was both male and female. As I got closer I could see white. Each person on the sides were of very importance to the person in the middle, and there was love. The person in the middle had on a bright white robe, and I remember seeing gold ropes hanging from the waist of this person, but I could never see a face. As I approached and stood in front of this person I felt incredible love. I did not want to leave, but I could hear this person say “breathe.” Just as this was said to me, I took a deep breath and woke up. After this experience, I have been less stressful about the future. I just live one day at a time. I've become more spiritual and more open, as with my daughters too. After this, anytime I've gotten sick, I know that I am not alone. That some kind of way, someone will know that I am sick. Sometimes my daughter will hear someone or be awaken by someone, or my fiancée will get the urge to call me at the moment I am sick and will be able to call my daughter or the ambulance to help me. Sometimes my oldest daughter, who doesn't live here, calls and says she had a feeling I was sick, or she dreamed about me getting sick. So I know I'm never alone. I know I have angels and my mother watching over me.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, April 30, 2004 - 07:54 pm:

I was working as an electrician on a large project in Mass. While working inside a new piece of switchgear, the generator company came to test their equipment. Without notifying anyone, they cut the tag off the circuit breaker and turned on the power. I received 480 volts hand-to-hand and flew backward. The next thing I know is I’m floating above my body, looking at everyone coming to see if I'm okay. The feeling was of endless body and carefree, loving and worry free. Then, I felt something "push" me back down, and I remember a bright light then waking up face down on the floor. They helped me up until the ambulance arrived. My heart rate was messed up and my right shoulder had melted out of the socket. At the hospital, the doctors looked at me and told me I should not be there telling them the story.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 06:53 pm:

I was working as an electrician on a large project in Mass. While working inside a new piece of switchgear, the generator company came to test their equipment. Without notifying anyone, they cut the tag off the circuit breaker and turned on the power. I received 480 volts hand-to-hand and flew backward. The next thing I know is I’m floating above my body, looking at everyone coming to see if I'm okay. The feeling was of endless body and carefree, loving and worry free. Then, I felt something "push" me back down, and I remember a bright light then waking up face down on the floor. They helped me up until the ambulance arrived. My heart rate was messed up and my right shoulder had melted out of the socket. At the hospital, the doctors looked at me and told me I should not be there telling them the story.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 06:27 pm:

I had pneumonia. I died in my sleep on three occasions. I remember being in a dead sleep, and then waking sudden, and inhaling breath like if I hadn't taken a breath in 1-2 minutes. It was the most frightening experience. It felt like a hand had reached in my soul and pulled me out of a dark tunnel. I remember the tunnel was dark. I can elaborate more but I prefer to talk about it instead of writing it.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 06:22 pm:

During my college years, I had a habit of taking a short Sunday afternoon nap. My dorm room was on the second floor of the building; my bed next to an outside wall. A window in the dorm room was just above my bed.

This particular "event" went like this; and to this day I remember the details as if they were yesterday, not thirty plus years ago. While "Jim" was asleep on the bed ("I" could see him there), "I" arose (floated?) up and over him. ”I" (drifted?) through the second story wall and out over the dorm’s driveway that was adjacent to the building. From that midair position, "I" could still view "Jim" through the wall in bed napping. ”I" remember turning myself to view the campus from this unique perspective, as I had never been in midair in this location before. (And never since.)

Everything I saw on the campus was from this midair location, between the second floor dorm wall and the adjacent trees. The spatial relationships were not distorted, exaggerated, or fuzzy; it appeared real as real could be. But the most vivid part of this "out of body" experience was not what "I" visualized. The thing that most impressed my then and still impresses me is what I felt. I mean emotionally felt while I was (floating?). When "I" was leaving "Jim", "I" had this feeling of joy of being liberated from my physical body. I absolutely did not want to go back to that sleeping form in the bed. ”I" was perfectly happy where I was going through walls and drifting outside. There was no unhappiness, unease, etc. I (Jim) awoke immediately in bed; drenched in sweat. (And I mean drenched.)

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 12:02 pm:

Can our subconscious/spirit interact with the spiritual or is this in reality our imagination going haywire? Please consider my experiences.

I have personally experienced my spirit leaving my body and being united with the "ultimate supreme spirit" (God?). In 1956, when I was fifteen years old, I had pneumonia and thought I was dying. My father took me to a doctor who gave me a penicillin injection and recommended immediate hospitalization. We had no medical insurance or money, so my father took me home to recuperate. I remember the drive home vividly. Every breath was painful and my chest felt as though a great weight was upon it.

I watched cars and trucks drive by, and wondered how people could make long term plans when life was so unpredictable. Several nights later, it felt as if my spirit left my body and it experienced being in a place with a gathering of souls or spirits. I sensed great peace, tranquility and ecstasy -- a rapture that was beyond a person's imagination. I felt as if I was a part of ALL, a part of God. I was mentally communicating and in sync with everyone, including not only some of my deceased acquaintances and relatives, but many of the prophets of the bible, and historical people I had read about. There was no dominant force, no forceful leader. I somehow knew who everyone was. Every thought interacted with the whole community. I had no questions; it seemed as if everything was revealed and crystal clear. I saw the universe stretched out with spirits engaged in mental interaction like master craftsmen contemplating the creation of a new frontier.

When I told my father who was a preacher of the Lutheran Faith about my experience he dismissed it abruptly and told me that this "supreme spirit, " this God that my spirit had witnessed, was not the God of the bible and he told me to pray for my salvation. We never talked about it afterwards.

Since that time I never really gave it much thought until the New York World Trade Center tragedy on 9-11-01. I went into deep meditation. I wanted to find an answer to why and how some misguided individuals could believe that their actions would be rewarded with their soul's eternal life with God. I then had a couple of experiences similar to the one I had at age fifteen of my spirit communicating with the "ultimate spirit.” (God, Allah or whatever one desires to call him/her/it)

One spiritual experience seemed to last throughout the entire night. My spirit observed the entire history and the evolution of the universe and our varying perceptions of God, as if in a fast-forward film.

The messenger is of no significance. It is the message that needs to be taken into account and judged for its merits. The experiences I encountered after the 9-11 tragedy helped me come to this conclusion: In this 21st Century, the Age of Technology, we are still plagued by religious beliefs that are a contributing cause toward terrorism, killings and wars between nations. Belief in a deity, who keeps causing catastrophes, punishes people, and created the universe out of nothingness as if by magic was brought about by hysteria and superstitions. This thought process needs to be reassessed and brought up to date. Open-minded people must use common sense to determine whether this so-called deity was incorrectly perceived, misinterpreted and misunderstood by the masses of a bygone era.

Some will say that my personal experience of oneness with a supreme spirit is nothing but a dream or a vivid imagination. It doesn't matter whether you accept or totally reject my story. What does matter is that we evolve to a point whereby we can encourage open-minded people to offer feedback on how our religious beliefs can be brought into the 21st century.

My concept is that God is a spiritual unity, a oneness, a structured government-like "Spiritual Collective"; the "Progressive and Accumulative Spiritual Intelligence" of the universe existing in the spiritual fourth dimension; a collective of the righteous souls who have passed into the spiritual realm; a spiritual continuity.

Namaste

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:54 am:

BACKGROUND: I was the Director Of Cardiology Services at a Hospital. I was in charge of seven Departments and trying to open a new Cardiac Cath Lab at the time. My wife had delivered our third child prematurely. He was on a respirator alarm at home. I was working long hours, not getting enough sleep nor eating properly.

EVENTS: [One morning], I woke up, recalling a dream I had. I was in a early morning meeting with my Asst. Director. During the meeting I walked over to my black bookshelf and collapsed and died. I shook it off and I decided I did not want to go to work feeling exhausted; however, one of my Departments was going to be short personnel, so I went in to work. I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 am, Got two cups of coffee and went to my office. I went to my departments and started up all of the equipment, as I usually do. I returned to my office. I needed to see my Asst. Director, at 7:05am I got up from my desk walked in front of my black shelving unit and collapsed against my office door closing it as I fell. A housekeeper, that cleaned our area every night, heard me hit the floor moaning. She was not suppose to be at work that day. My office was located at the far end of a long hallway with nothing but testing rooms. She tried to push the door open, but could not due to me laying against the door. She ran to my reception area and told my technicians, Dave was in trouble. The technicians came to my office and pushed open the door finding me laying on the floor, blue and unconscious. They began CPR and called a Code Blue. My Cardiac Cath Lab team came running as did the Emergency Crew. They defibrillated me 17 times during the code, continuously doing CPR. Nothing was working. One doc was ready to call it quits when another (who was not suppose to be at the Hospital that morning but decided to stop in the ER) said, “let's open his chest.” The first doc said that opening my chest in a non-sterile area is dangerous. I will always remember what the other told him, "YOU CAN"T KILL A DEAD MAN". He called down to the Operating Room for a Chest Surgeon and an OR Tray. A chest Surgeon came to my office; he did not want to open my chest either. The doc told him, “either you do it or I will.” They brushed off my desk, placed me on my desk, draped my chest with a sterile cloth and opened my chest cavity. The doc stuck his two fingers into my chest cavity and squeezed the heart twice and the heart started beating. That was at 8:00 am. I was gone for 55 minutes. They placed me on a gurney, and he rode on top with his hands in my chest as they took me to the Operating Room. When I awoke in ICU, I was very agitated and a Dr. told me to calm down "You’re living on borrowed time." I was hooked up to all kinds of IVs, Catheters, Heart Pump, Respirator, and they kept me knocked out ‘til Saturday. One of my Departments was EEG. When they ordered the test to be done, none of my staff would do it, they were afraid they would find I was brain dead. The head of the Dept. did the test, finding everything normal. He later told me that was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. We had worked together for over 15 years. Those 55 minutes of death changed my life forever.

EXPERIENCE: I found myself floating about 4 feet off the floor, horizontally. I saw the outline of my body, no features just the outline. From the waist down it was a deep black but from the waist up there was this unbelievable BRIGHT LIGHT, 100 times brighter then the sun but I couldn't stop looking at it. I felt as if I was being held in someone’s arms very close to their chest. I was questioning myself, "AM I DEAD" and before I could finish the thought the answer came from the person holding me, "NO, You're fine." Then I thought "Am I going to be ok?" Again the voice, "You are fine, don't worry." The feeling of laying in these arms was overwhelming: the serenity, the quietness, no worries, no responsibilities, safety, and unbelievable LOVE. It is very hard to explain, but I could not see this being but I felt him, It was like being enveloped with him, as one. There are no words to describe it. Suddenly I began floating back to my body on the floor, heading towards the light in the top part of my body. But I wasn't going back into the body put thru it into this Glorious Light. As I was floating towards the body of light, I saw movement within the light but I couldn't distinguish what it was. Then I began hearing my name being called, it was very annoying, like a bee buzzing around your face. “Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave.” Suddenly I was being thrust upward thru this tunnel, so fast; the sound of my name getting louder and louder. That's when I woke up and saw the ICU Nurse looking down at me. Suddenly all the responsibilities, worries, problems, pain came tumbling down on me like a 100 ton weight. I got very upset, I saw all the machines, wires, tubes, hooked up to my body and I knew what each one was for, they were keeping me alive with machines. That's when I started pulling tubes and anything I could get my hands on to disconnect me from their machines. I felt they CHEATED ME, LET ME GO BACK. I did not want to be in that ICU bed alive, I wanted to go back. That's when they gave me the morphine to keep me out.

When I could write later the next day, I asked the nurse if they were keeping alive with the machines? She said "NO." After getting stabilized, they transferred me to another hospital and did a numerous amount of tests, finding nothing wrong, I was in perfect health. I did not tell anyone of the experience for at least 6 months, thinking they would think I was nuts. I was admitted to the Hospital for cardiomyitis. The doc came to my room, sat down, said nothing, and began watching TV with me. After awhile, he looked at me and asked, "Dave did you experience anything when you were out during the arrest?" I was sort of caught off guard, and looked at him, He said "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He told me about his experience when he had a heart attack and what he saw. He was the first person I told my story to.

AFTERMATH: I began telling everyone I knew about my NDE. I was on the Oprah Winfrey Show in (Near Death Experiences). I was on Television News Program. I was on two radio shows, Newspapers and Articles. I wrote to Universities to get more information on NDE's. I felt I was the only one and all alone. Who would understand? Who would believe me, other then those that have had one. I read books wanting to learn everything I could.

Before the NDE we had everything, new home, two cars, all the perks of life. My wife was an RN working at the same hospital. I went back to the Hospital for awhile, then left never to return to Medicine again. My priorities had changed. Nothing meant the same anymore. Life was meaningless, all the money, cars, big homes, titles were irrelevant. Within four years I was divorced, had nothing and was living with my parents. I went into major depression. Left my parents, slept in my car, thoughts of suicide. I couldn't understand why I had that experience and then sent back to this world and end up with nothing. From riches to rags. I ended up in a Christian Shelter, began working as a Christian Counselor. I was still trying to understand why me? A client came to my office wanting hear the story about my NDE. I figured maybe it would help him. He was a drug addict at 24 years of age, a really nice person. I told him my story. Afterwards I told him I did not understand what I was suppose to do with my life. I had seen Doctors, Counselors, Clergy, but no one gave me any answers. This 24 year old kid tells me "Dave, maybe this is it: helping others that have nothing." Suddenly a light went on. YES, That's it. I experienced the good times before the NDE and bad times afterwards. I could not help anyone if I have not walked in their shoes. Jesus gave me a chance to help others, but first I had to experience what they went thru and felt. I felt relieved. Now, everything made sense. The next morning that 24 year old was found dead in his bed. He had died from Congestive Heart Failure during the night. To this day I thank HIM for helping me.

MY BELIEFS AFTER THE NDE: I believe that person that was holding me during the NDE was Jesus. I believe that death is not the end, but only the beginning of something more Glorious then we can ever imagine. I do not believe in organized religion. I believe in Spirituality, the belief of Jesus, as it is written, not as it is interpreted by others. I have studied Spiritual Warfare and it is very real. I believe Jesus suffered for us and we need to forgive ourselves of sins because he already has paid the sacrifice for us. I believe we are all children of God. Today I am very happily married and living in Ontario.

PHYSICALLY: I have had two major surgeries on my neck due to the 17 electrical shocks during the arrest. My head kept hitting the floor during the defibrillations. I do have strange things happen electrically, street lights going off as I drive under them, light bulbs glaring brightly in a living room for no reason, my bodies temperature can raise remarkably with biofeedback.

CONCLUSION: I would be very happy to discuss my experience with anyone who is looking for answers. After my NDE I felt very alone. It changed my Life for the better. IT GAVE ME ONE.

PS: I am not sure if I should have mentioned the Doctors names, but they deserve all the credit.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:39 am:

After several years, I just realized this was similar to a NDE, I always saw it as just a “vision” before, because I was healthy at the time.

It was about 1:00 am and I was up feeding my 5 month old baby. It was dark in his room, but the kitchen light was on and the light spilled into his room. I was sitting on the bottom bunk bed (my older son slept on the top and the baby in a crib), leaning against the wall, and bottle-feeding my baby. I want to comment that I always felt an overwhelming sense of love and communion when holding my babies, more profound when breast-feeding, as I'm sure any mother does.

I was sitting there holding him, when suddenly I was shooting through space, or rather my consciousness was, because I was no longer in that room or even aware of it. It was dark, like outer space, and lights were streaming past me. I was racing toward some point in the distance. (Kind of like that star field screensaver, only it happened a couple years before I ever saw that.) At the same, I became ACUTELY aware of the IMMEASURABLE VASTNESS; I KNEW what ETERNITY was. I can't explain the feeling, even after all this time, it still takes my breath away. I never saw other beings, but I felt I wasn't alone. After a few seconds, I was back, still feeding my baby. After the experience, for some reason, still unknown to me, the number 200,000 stuck in my head, as well as the name Deepak Chopra. I had not heard of him at the time, but of course, now I'm familiar with him. I also completely lost my fear of death, which had plagued me all my life. Another interesting thing I can't explain is my sudden interest in physics. I checked out all the books at the library, bought books like Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time, etc. The need to learn, it was insatiable. I would get into debates with people about Einstein and different theories on the Universe. I knew this was related to my “vision”, but couldn't figure out why.

In the few years after that, I became very involved in things like meditation. I checked out all the books on it from the library, I joined a meditation group, etc. I became involved in spiritual healing and different spiritual-type things. I gained a passion for the paranormal and people's differing beliefs and have tried to form my own theory on the nature of God and the universe. Like I said before, my interest became insatiable.

In fact, I never really attributed any of this to my experience before, but I have just started reading Full Circle by Barbara Harris and Lionel C. Bascom, and a couple of the experiences in it (namely Tom Sawyer's), just came out and slapped me. I'm still as affected and fascinated as ever, and even more curious as to what happened to me. How can a healthy person spontaneously have a NDE?

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:28 am:

I was living in a really small Farming Town, "VERY" happy with My Domestic Partner. I went to My (O. B. G. Y. N. ) (MD). He found a Tumor on My Left Ovary, He then sent me to a Specialist (he said she was!). She was not a good Doctor! I was operated on Within Two Weeks time. I had Ovarian Cancer. When this Doctor went in my Body she took "EVERYTHING" Female. Everything that make Us "Females"! The Pathology report said she (Meaning the specialist) did Unnecessary Surgical removal of incredible Right Ovary, Cervix, Uterus. What was to be 1-1/2 hrs of Surgery became 13-1/2 hrs of repair work by a Oncology Team, as well as Urology Team. She sliced my Bladder in "Three" places.

While I was out, I was brought to a Field I played in when I was a child. The first person I saw (?), Was my Sister in-Law, Who by the way, was also My Lifetime Best Friend. Rita was her name. I had felt really bad for not attending her Memorial. She had asked me "NOT' to see her sick; she knew she was very sick. She said “it’s going to be OK, Beth!” She was lonely for her Husband (My Brother). Our last time together on Earth, She said she was all ALONE when everyone left to go to their Own Homes & Lives (HER CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN). Death didn’t scare her Anymore; she was tired. We watched her favorite TV show. We spoke of our childhoods, how she married her BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER! When she was diagnosed with 2-3 months to live (Aug., she died in Sept of Cancer). I was going through a "Very" bad Divorce, standing to loose EVERYTHING if I left the State for the Funeral, or Anywhere for that matter. When I went to the OTHER-SIDE, there she was in 'HUMAN' form. I didn’t Question it then. My Brother was with her, but in the Background, he Waved to Me. Rita said "Thank You" for Keeping My Promise. WE had a good time, didn’t we! It’s My Children’s problem, Their choice to be Angry at you for not Attending. (This was the first NDE that day.)

(Second NDE I went to a place with a man called MOHAMMAD. He Talked & Walked with me. I heard everything through thoughts(?) I questioned if it was Drugs or the Anesthesia affects. When I was in my room (after recovery), My Sister was in the room. The Urology Team, A doctor, was at the foot of My Bed (I thought it was a MD.) His name was Mohammad? My Sister said there wasn’t a doctor by that name in the room. I’ll never forget his Beauty: His eyes, they were Crystal Blue. The Peace he gave me was awesome! He said “you are going to be fine! You have work to do.” I was told, while he was teaching me, that life is about choices given to us by GOD! We also have Free-Will, temptations of Demons cast upon the earth long ago? The Battle hasn’t Happened YET! Its going on now! When Lucifer is cast to Earth, people will believe it is the second Coming of Jesus! Very few will know it’s the Evil One? We are judged on the good we do, as well as the not so good! I was shown that we choose IF we go through the light. Our deeds here, 'Right NOW! If we caused harm, if we lived greedy, if we didn’t share the wealth (pay it forward), We would forever see it on a movie screen, over & over again, until you learned WHY? You were like this on Earth? Whatever we do to others, we will have to face on the Other-Side. I was told it’s not GOD’S fault for Humanity’s Hate-for One Another, Our Anger, War. When we use killing as a Human means to Judge. Those persons responsible for the Deaths will be accountable. I was told we only have Ten Laws of the Land We have to live by? Moses were given these Laws long ago; [did] People forget their meanings? When a man makes 100.00 he should not pay 150.00 for rent. Mohammad told me I had to "Pay it Forward"; I do. I will give my last dollar to someone else. When the IRS gets to the Other-Side, they will all be judged accordingly to their Greed? When the Pope speaks of being God-like, he is taking the Lord name in vain. What has he done for his children during the Molestation Cases? He speaks of Abortion: it’s against God’s law. What about facing his Flock about what the church is doing to the men that have caused so much pain? He sent them along to another Parish to Re-offend. I was given a task? I have to feed the people of the south Smokey mts. Appalachia - the children that are in Our Country (USA) that are STARVING!

I would like to speak with someone that will write what I have learned down? It vital and necessary! Thank you!

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:24 am:

My experience is bit different than other NDE's. I was not physically dying, thinking about committing suicide, on drugs or anything, but I had the following experience:

I was resting in bed with my eyes closed. My mind wanders, and at some point, I started to see images of streaming light filaments in front of me. I felt I was traveling very fast in darkness (almost like a tunnel). Then I abruptly came to an opening. There in front of me was a huge white glow. It was massive in size, as I could only observe its size from a very far distance. At the very moment I experienced the Light, I knew what it was. It was pure, non-judgmental and loving. I felt blissful and so lovely accepted. Tremendous knowledge was given to me, yet it was not the sort of knowledge you gain from reading books. Maybe, it is call Enlightenment or meeting with God, I don't know. I was so amazed.

From that, I somehow drifted out of the experience and became very conscious of what had just happened. Note, I do not feel I was asleep during the experience; I was simply in another state of mind. You will see when I tell you what happened next. Anyway, I got up from the bed so elated that I immediately called my best friend. I told him the story, but he did not understand. I calmed down a bit and went back to my bedroom to rest again. I closed my eyes, and at some point I thought, "What is beyond the Light?” I was not asleep or dreaming, but I started to see the streaming filaments of light again. I ascended towards this massive Light. I tried to perceive what was beyond the Light, but the answer came to me at that moment. There was no limit or boundaries. Love is infinite. I was quite unprepared for this answer, I think.

I drifted out of the experience again. This time I remember feeling so humbled and grateful to be given this gift. I was not wanting more, as I was very content. I did know at that time (and I don't know why), that I would have other experiences in the future. This turned out to be true. From time to time, I do experience a presence from that first encounter. And still today, I feel I they will occur again when the time is right. I can explain in more detail in another letter.

From the experiences, I was never the same again. I realize that we are part of that Light. We are capable of many wonderful things if we just follow our hearts, learn to give unconditionally, and except the human weakness in us. It's so unfortunate and sad that our society is so driven by money, power and selfishness. I wish . .. .

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:14 am:

The Sting

My brother and I took a trip out of state to fix my sister’s roof. my mom was already there. It took about four hours to get there. As soon as we did, we just jumped up on the roof and started working. Well we stripped the roof and uncovered a wasp nest. Of course, 20 minutes later I turned my back on the nest and one flew into my shirt and stung me on the back. it was no big deal. I was stung plenty of times before by bees. So I just asked my nephew to tell grandma to get a potatoe to take out the stinger.

A few minutes later I felt the sharp pains again. And I was like come on Randy (my bro), you got to get the stinger out, So he opened my shirt and said “wholly cow its a wasp and he is still on you pumping you up.” So he got it off me, but still I was like no big deal, lets keep working. The pain will go away you know: the tough guy routine. Well in another two minutes, I was feeling funny and hot and tired. I sat down just as my mom came out. she said I better come down. well I finally made it in to the house and fell on the couch. I felt my heart pounding so hard and hurt so bad. I was scared and I knew I was going to die. It was a heart attack if I ever felt one. things started to slip away, I couldn’t open my mouth; I was all locked up. I could open my chest to breath. I saw the fear in my mom’s eyes and my sister as she walked in the room,

I felt as if I could only talk with my eyes. As I thought, “please just get me the phone. I need to tell my wife and daughters good bye. Please, that is all there is time for. I know it. please get ‘em on the phone, now.” My sister went in the kitchen as I concentrated on her the most. I heard her call the ambulance instead. at that second. I gave in, it was too late. she didn’t call, and I was not going to get to say good bye to my love. It was really a sad moment as I felt myself slipping away.

Next thing, I am somewhere in this lighted place. There was this most supreme feeling about in front of me, and it wasn’t just singular, there was a few. I could sense it, like my head was bowed down. I couldn’t quite see, but as the focus came in there. they were three of them, three lights in the forms of circles, one bigger in the middle, and two smaller on the sides. I felt great pressure, as if I were on a trial or something. I was still me though, no body, nothing of me. but it was me with all the mind of me. At that moment, I knew I was what they called dead to the world, but not to the light. Then it was like my focus moved to the light on the left side. I was able to hear her talking to me. Yes, that one spoke to me and said “everything is alright now. you have done a great job of telling them about Jesus.” it was alright now that I may stay, and come in, as if she was signaling me with her right hand to go that way into the light now. but a super rush of conscience came into me. all of a sudden I had a panic feeling with in my soul. I became abrupt with the light. I was scared, and felt like I had to plead my case. this is the following of what I spoke to the light: “no I can’t. , I can’t not now. I got to go back. I got to go back now. I got to back now, because if I don’t go back, I don’t think that there is anybody else down there that loves everybody enough to want to save them all like I do, and I mean all of them.” I almost didn’t know where this came from but it was in me. that would be the last moment in the light.

i then felt myself falling down, as I came back just above my body. I could see the room and my body, not clearly though because there was an unusual amount of paramedics over my body, like something bad was really happening down there with me. but I couldn’t feel anything. then I looked and seen my sister standing behind the paramedics just screaming and crying. I could see her eyes, and her face was red, and the tears were streaming from her eyes. they were like red eyes at that point. then to her left, was her daughter, just looking like “what is going on.” She was afraid only because she was seeing everyone else losing it. The “I” entered my body, like I fell down into it at the same time as like sitting up inside myself, up in my head. Then I could feel the life coursing back into my body, every vein, every cell. It burned, my whole body just burned and it hurt. I was feeling again. Yet just before, I had absolutely no pain. Then slowly I could hear the room and everybody was screaming for me to “Come back. Come on, just take a breath.” I couldn’t; my lungs were collapsed. I couldn’t open them up. I had no strength to do so. I felt slipping away again. Then I tried again. I can hear them now again, “Just one more breath. come on.” Ok, I will. They got this mask on me, and it is blowing air into me, but it is not enough. I need more; “won’t some please take this off my face and just blow up my lungs? just once, please, I need help.” this is what was going on in my head, I tried to take it away and talk, and everyone in the room was just like shouting for joy. but I still need help, don’t celebrate yet. I can’t breath. then it hit me. I got my wind. and now I am a little embarrassed and asked to go to the bathroom. they said don’t worry, we got to take you in. well, when I came back, I had wet my self and defecated, too. I didn’t know when that happened, but it must of happened when I was out. Then they tried to move me to the bed from the gurney and all of a sudden I just leaped on to it myself. All the people just jumped back as if they seen a ghost. I was like “what’s a matter man?” I am alive. I was so pumped up to be alive. They were like “you got a lot of strength for having an anaphylactic shock and being dead just a few moments ago.” I was confused a bit, and then silent remembering what just happened. I fell asleep. when I woke up in the hospital, my sister was there, kind of massaging my head and staring at me, rubbing a tattoo on the side of my head. The first thing she said (because she never seen this tattoo before), “What does this mean?” It is of a cross with the words (mi jaman god) inside of it. I got it because I always believed so hard in Jesus. All I could do was start crying, because that was all about, what just happened and where I came back from, life after death, for real, forever.

And now my search for some missing pieces and I am finding them all. All the things about the bible has been my insatiable urge. There is something else there in all the words, between the lines, as if I can now figure out what prophets were talking about, other than the obvious. I heard of a bible code. I read those books. They brief it, but they are so far away from the right interpretations, the places, the people, the concepts they were trying to pass. It starts in the beginning and they all continue it through out. Only the priests of today are misinterpreting it for the power over the people. They themselves are blind guides, now leading the people wrong. But I can't be mad at them. I know and found out and can understand the why's, why it all happened this way. Better yet, well the best yet is I know… this whole thing happened so I would be led to it.

What was being hid by the sons of light, you get it now. They all knew how it was going to turn out. They knew how the people were going to turn the scriptures around for their own sick pleasures of control - locking up the gate to heaven -- and they themselves won’t enter. They knew more than the ones with greed. They knew these things would surface in the future, so they buried them in the words until a time came when one could figure them out. Why is this happening to me, I ask. Why I am figuring them out, on this quest to go back to god, like my nde. I felt I was the only one who loved them all enough to want to save them all. Let’s just say my first trip to Isreal, they said I was crazy, and would get in to the temple because of the al fatah. But he said I was going. I did. I had the faith (how could I not). Everyone here tried to talk me out of it or scare me away from it. They thought I was crazy. When I got to Isreal, I told them; they thought I was crazy.

It is a whole other story, but on the last of a fourteen day trip, on the last hours, the spirit entered the guards at the gate. I was permitted to enter after two days of being refused, denied and made fun of by the Isreali army and the Palestinian army. Abu was my guide, and he couldn’t believe I did it either, and he was right there by my side. I got a picture walking out of the temple on the peak of Mount Mariah, by this boy out of nowhere. The last non-Muslim to walk in the temple mount was Ariel Sharon until the moment I entered. It was nothing short of a miracle from God. And my life just keeps getting deeper into the mind now. The scriptures are still leading me everyday to the answers of what I am to do. It is as if the book was written in a way for me, to jog my memory to remember where I put something. And now I remember where it is and how to get to it. But I am waiting for the time to be told to me, the right time. I know the season; I know the day. I know why it is like now I am being prepped with knowledge of the lord for that day. I can’t tell you everything though, and I am sorry for that. But it will be soon. Of course, if you believe, you will have nothing to worry about. It is all about the love… a love I have for everyone. I can feel so many peoples pain. I feel groups of pain. it is like I feel the compassion for them all: they have all been led astray kind of compassion. I hurt inside so much when I see others pain. It drives me to find the cure. the crying, the abuse towards the daughters of the world, how they mislead them into being they way they are. It is scary how far we've gone away from his path. We have taken it all for granted all of us. But the only way to do it, to fix it, is for all of us to do it together. It won’t happen any other way,

We all have the pieces to the puzzle so to say. Every piece we kill, we lose and fall a little more, until we pick them back up. The children, they are the princes to the throne. All of us are the children; all of us are the children of the light, and no one is going to be left behind. You know how I know this? I feel it. I am it. I have compassion right down to the last murderer, thief, psycho, freak, crippled, lost soul. Thus like the Lord has spoke to me, “If you believe in me, not one of my sheep will be lost. it is my shepherds now who are lost, and they need the love brought back into the light.”

There is so much that burns bright inside my head. I don’t want to distract from your study of the light experience, but I could go one for days without even getting tired of trying to explain to someone how to believe it is all true. But then I know what it is that will set it all off. All I can say now is, if anyone at all reads this, I hope it is understandable. My thoughts fly like my compassion, with a fire under my ••• almost like desperation, but its not. It's patience that needs practice. I really do love you, whoever reads this. it is all true. I have nothing to lie about. I only have everything to share with you. I know though, one day I will prove what I have found. Because I guess it is the only way to make the world see that the Bible is not just any old story about being good. It was written by those too who have seen the light. Read it again and then you people who have seen the light, remember how you had a hard time using words to describe the sight you seen. Now read again: the callings of the Moses, Abraham, Jacob, the prophets, Isaiah, Jesus, Mohamed, and you see for yourself how they describe their callings from the light. Maybe it was just for me because they all had a description of a threesome of something, allll oofff themmm, one bigger in the middle with two on the sides. You see, I never picked up on it until it happened to me. But I cried so hard as I read every one of them again for the umpteenth time, the apostles too!

Come on, wake up. Moses describes it as a burning bush and all the Isrealites seen it. it was their calling, and it is yours, too – ours, too. We need to fix the garden. It has everything we need. It has enough love for all, if we would only share it all. The writings of John (a hidden buried reading from John, that the churches would think it was part of their scriptures): he describes himself crying so hard at the moment they were killing Jesus. As John was sitting in the garden of Gethsemene, he had a vision of light. Within the light, he seen three forms within the light. As they spoke to him. (This would put the spiritual resurrection only moments after the death of Jesus, not three days, not the dogma stuff. This is that why it was buried and not accepted as part of the cannon of the church.) I never knew any of this writing taking place until I got to Isreal on that trip. It was as if I was being led to that information, just like I was led here to this site to share the whole thing, my knowledge, my love. Sometimes I think I believe in Jesus more than anyone, because the picture I am uncovering is much more beautiful and full of love than I could ever have imagined. You can absolutely say, I now read more by the light than by the darkness of power gluttons. I see clearly now. And I know as soon as try to put these things out, they will try to take me out again. it is bad news for all those in their lost world of money power. That is why Jesus said it would be harder for one who is rich to get into heaven. That is why the apostles were told to give what he gave without price because you had received it with out price.

Ok, I’m sorry I keep going, but only for now,

As now, I write and tell everyone, “Until later, my friend," because I no longer believe in goodbyes either. It seems so morbid, because I know now there is no death. I will see you later, with all my love forever!

I am even crying now just as I cried with every story of the other NDEr's. I only hope if you have done the same, you have felt the same warmth in mine and cried out of happiness and renewed confidence in life, in love and in God. It is like my shield has been rebuilt and the fear is no way going to take these things away!!!!!!!!!

You know when you break down the light, you see it then becomes the vibration of beautiful music waves of light. Isn’t that what scientists took so long to figure out, it is all vibes (vibrations) OK OK OK. till later

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:04 am:

It happened on a slick road. After leaving a high school musical with my mom, I slid off the road and hit a tree. I was in a coma for 12 days and "out of it" for a month or so. I was in hospitals for two months, with people visiting daily. I was told after I got out that word got out about my wreck, and people all over the U.S., as well as a day in Australia, were praying continuously for me. I did not see any light or dead relatives, but my experience was life-changing non-the-less. After I "woke up" broken relationships began to heal. Both sides realized that we don't have all the time in the world to make things right.

I also have seen first hand the power of God. I have to be careful saying this, because I know that God does not heal all sickness. This is one reason I stopped believing years ago when a close friend's mom died of cancer, despite all of the praying we were doing. Because of this, I am now learning that god can not be "put in a box," or to do all the time what is expected. I am learning to be able to accept that God is doing something that will eventually work out for good, no matter how it looks from my eyes. Knowing this does not take all of my (now humorously small) problems away. They are still here. The faith I have now reminds me that, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:03 am:

I indicated that my NDE was accidental. I was at a party and was drugged. I remember sitting on the steps of the house, thinking I was dying and how embarrassed I was. I wanted to go hide in the bushes, but could not move. I had a fleeting thought that everyone was dying and felt sort of relieved. Finally I realized that it was just me, and relaxed to the fact that I had no control. The last memory was of a friend saying, "Are you okay"? Then I fell over into a flower garden.

The first images are really tough to describe. In my mind, I saw reality dissolve into nothingness. I was seeing the neighborhood, houses, cars, road, trees, disappearing. I was told/shown that life was a school and that we were all students. I remember having the feeling of, oh yeah, how could I have forgotten, of course, it all made so much sense.

I remember recognizing that everything I was doing, my job, my relationships, my projects, were all so petty and useless, and that I should be doing more with my life. I knew that I should be doing something more with my life.

The next thing I recall was being in this transparent tunnel of light. Transparent like a bubble. It was maybe 6 to 10 feet across. I remember seeing that movie, “Contact” with Jodie Foster, after the incident, and saying, that's it! It is the closest thing I have ever seen to describe it. You could see planets and the tunnel or tube had slow curves.

The disturbing part of this experience was the lack of control. I had no idea were the hell I was going and did not like the feeling. I felt like a piece of a puzzle that was being moved somewhere with intentional purpose. I was not worried for my safety or anything, I just did not like the feeling of restraint. I had no choice in the matter. I was moving somewhere fast and it was not my decision.

I realized that I had no body and no eyes, but I could still see. How interesting. So my discomfort at not being in control was mixed with awe at what I was seeing. On a side note, you might consider doing a study to see if NDE's are a result of accidental deaths. Although I'm not sure if there really is such a thing as an accident anymore.

When I finally awoke and was able to speak, three hours later, I said, "I just died.” I have a lot of atheist friends who insisted I just had a bad trip, but I was not convinced. What convinced me that my experience was real was a phone call from my mother who lives in HI. She said she had had been worried about me and was calling to see if I was okay. I said of course. She then told me that she had had a dream about being at my funeral, and was so disturbed that she woke up and said to her husband, "Dannie just died.” She asked me what I was doing on the night of...” My heart raced as I walked around the kitchen with the phone to my ear searching for a calendar. It was the same day and we calculated the time exactly. She had a dream about my death at the same instant that I was having my NDE!

Since my NDE I have jumped right back to the daily grinds of life. It's pretty hard not to, what with it in your face every day. It's a great illusion, almost a dream, except the illusion is real.

Although the realization that this world we live in is a school has had no impact on my concerns for the environment, and I am still outspoken and very passionate about social issues. I guess I do feel a bit more aware of the things around me and not so focused on myself. I certainly have lost all fear of death. And although I am not for certain I will see my relatives as others have, I know without doubt that this is not an end. Not sure if it's the beginning, but it most certainly is not the end.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 11:01 am:

I had four brain operations; they were trying to find a tumor. This was before the CAT Scans, etc., were available in the UK. They used probes etc. Finally they found it and removed it. I lost all sensations: could not talk, walk, do anything for a long time. I spent about 10 days in the intense care section, during which I had stigmata (bleeding palms, line of thorn marks across forehead, etc.). I was then moved to main neuro ward. After about a week on this ward, I had an arrest.

I was in a strange sort of funnel. Looking down it narrowed to a point, where there was bright lights, etc. Looking up it went wider and wider to a clear sky, slightly cloudy. I was just standing there, in mid-air, sort of hovering, about in the middle. When I looked up again, there was a large rectangular shape falling towards me. Even now, I always think of it as a huge block of green fairy soap, slowly turning as it fell, tumbling over and over. I suddenly realized by the time it got to me, it would be filling the tunnel, and I'd only be able to go downwards towards the light. I knew somehow that the light was OK, but also that there was more adventure if I went the other way (upwards). I felt myself slowly rising, keeping to the side. And as the huge block passed almost touching me... (Don’t recall anything else.)

Notes; I have heard voices sometimes. Following my recovery in 1974, I went to this very hospital to work, and stayed 10 years. Finally I got a great promotion and this I accepted. And as I left the office, this voice said, "This is not for you." Instinctively I swore at the voice, and told the person where to go in no uncertain terms, for hadn’t I worked hard for this promotion. Within a few weeks, I collapsed. A 2nd tumor diagnosed. I was pushed into early retirement, being told that I probably had only around 2 years to live (1984). So, why am I here now in 2004? I often feel I am being punished for swearing at God or whoever. The last time I attempted to get signed off as "well" and get a job, I had a mysterious sudden heart attack (1998), which put paid to that! And shortly after the voice said, "You will wait", so I wait (with great frustration).

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 10:59 am:

I was 15 years old and my best girl friend, Sandy and I were talking on the phone. I had wanted to go for a drive in the country. We lived in Maine and the land was so beautiful. One of my favorite things was to just go for a long ride in a car. I was learning to drive at the time and it was just great to be in a car. She suggested that her boyfriend, Jerry, could take me out for a ride. He called and said he would meet me and we could go for a long ride in the country. I was so excited! He picked me up and we started on the ride. It started snowing quite heavily, but the snowflakes were so big and beautiful, I was very excited. As we were driving through the twisting and turning roads, up and down hills, it was beautiful. Then Jerry turned onto a side road, that was very narrow and fully tree lined. I told him I wanted to go home and he told me that this is a very beautiful place, for me to just wait and see. Being young and naive, I sat and waited for this beautiful place. He pulled into a dead end and then he offered me some beer. I did not want any. He kept insisting in a nice way, and I had a sip. Then he moved close to me and put his arm around me. I told him not to touch me, that he was Sandy's boyfriend, and I am not interested, and told him to take me home right now. I gave him back his beer and insisted that we leave. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. He grabbed my shirt and pulled at it, and I pushed him away. He grabbed my skirt and lifted it up and grabbed my panties and pulled them off, as I was hitting him and screaming and punching him and trying to bite him. Next thing I knew he had his hands around my throat and was strangling me. I tried to get his hands off my throat, and kept hitting him and struggling trying to get out of the car. The doors were locked and I could not get out. The next thing I know everything went dark.

I then saw a bright white light over my head, like there was no ceiling in the car, just white light. I saw my life flash before me. It was like it was in slow motion, but yet it was going full speed. I saw so much, people, events; I can't even find the words of how to describe it. I then saw this circle of people around me, there were so many. Some I recognized and some I did not. A man's face became very large, as if he had stepped closer to me. He had dark hair with fine features and looked around 30 years old to me. I heard him say to me that when I go back not to fight or struggle with him, just do what ever he wants. It is not worth dying for. The next thing I remember was seeing Jerry's face, and I told him to do what ever he wanted and I just laid there and I did not move. He stopped strangling me and continued to assault me. He then drove me home. I did not understand all that happened to me. I have since had a few dreams that are prophetic, just little things, nothing big. I have seen ghosts and spirits. My life has changed very slowly over the years; many things have happened that I can not totally explain. I saw a chiropractor when I was 36 years old and had an x-ray taken. On the x-ray, he saw something, and he asked me if I had suffered any severe trauma to my throat and neck area. That really startled me, and I remembered. I told him that I was sexually assaulted and strangled when I was 15. He told me that I have arthritis in my throat caused by severe trauma, but he said that it should not cause me any problems.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 13, 2004 - 10:58 am:

I went into the hospital due to having some chest pain, and pain in my left arm. The doctor requested that I have a stress test done. He found something abnormal on the right side of my heart. He then requested that I have a heart catheter done. So as I was having that procedure done, with the doctor going through my arteries, he discovered that I had a fifth artery. He took the thin scope through that artery. At that point, I felt a little pain. Then I saw the doctor hitting my chest. I saw him take the paddles to my chest four times. I was standing there a couple of feet off the ground as they were working on me. I saw this bright light. Then I saw this beautiful face; it was bright as the clouds. And then I saw my Mom, who is deceased. Then I heard a firm but pleasant voice to go back. I saw the nurse in my face, screaming at me to breathe. And like a swoosh; I was back in my body taking in a deep breath. But I just feel like I was sent back for a purpose, and I don’t know what really that purpose is yet. But maybe someday I will find out.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 6, 2004 - 07:57 pm:

I was being treated in hospital for a "chemical imbalance" after the birth of my first child. After having serious marriage problems, I stopped sleeping much and was way too "up.” About ten days after the birth, I entered the hospital. After initial assessment, they decided I needed to sleep. I was walking down the hall of the hospital with my mom when the nurse approached with the medication. I took the pills and immediately felt the wild symptoms. I knew that I had to find my bed, and called out to my mom to take me there. My eyes were rolling up and my tongue felt like it was choking me. I groped to my bed and fell unconscious face down.

I immediately left my body, traveling so fast within this amazing comforting all-encompassing light (words cannot describe this feeling). I arrived at a place where a being (guide) held my hand while different parts of my life played out before me like a movie. However, everything was from inside of the person I was with at the time. How they felt when I looked at them, talked to them... It was a huge shock. I became full of knowledge that was like a burden to me. I still have to stop myself from telling people about themselves and their behavior, even today. Anyway, next came more like a tunnel at the end of which was a group of my family waiting for me in a garden. Far in the distance, I could see many things like a beautiful city or large palace. It was strange because it didn't look like it was on land. Maybe an island or something. In between was a small river; it was amazingly beautiful. Things smelled wonderful. (Words are not powerful enough to describe these sights.) There was music softly playing but no musicians. Everything was in its natural form. No technology…

My great-grandmother was the strongest presence there (and in life as well; I knew her until I was 14). Ad she broke into my amazed reverence and said point blank, "You cannot stay here.” I argued. I pleaded. She forced me to look down and all of a sudden, I was in the hospital watching the doctor from a height of about 15-20 feet or so. The ceilings were only average height, so I was looking through the floor!!!! My mom was on the side of the bed near the door, and the nurse was on the other side. The doctor was right on the bed on top of me giving me a needle (adrenalin) into my neck. He was shouting at me, "Shawna, don't forget to breath" My mother was crying hard and holding onto the wall for support. I heard a voice in my head "You have a choice, will you leave your mother and your baby behind?" The very next moment, I took a breath and opened my eyes, smiled at the doctor and said, “What are you so worried? About I am fine.” Then I sat up. He freaked out. He pushed me back down and shouted at me to lay still. I tried to reassure him. I told him I saw what he did and that I went someplace wonderful. All he said was "I'm so glad you came back.”

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 6, 2004 - 07:52 pm:

Some of this story is what my sister related to me months after the incident. The reason for this is I remember nothing. Most of the day was hazy, especially just before I had the cardiac arrest. When I was 22 years old, I was living with my sister. Every Monday night she played beach volleyball, and on occasion, I fill in for a missing player. A vivid image of what I do remember is one of my sister’s friends stretching her legs. I do remember playing volleyball, but do not recall much. One minute I was playing volleyball, the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital. The unusual thing about waking up in the hospital was that it felt RIGHT. It felt that this was where I was supposed to be (although I have no recollection of anything that happened that could have led me there).

I was sedated for two days and in those two days, I felt that I was living in a dreamland, coming in and out of consciousness. Two years later, I did a first aid course, and in this course they taught us how to specific way to roll a person over on their side. We practiced it on a partner, and then they practiced on me. When I was practiced upon, I definitely remembered being rolled exactly that way before. I knew straight away that it was from when I had my cardiac arrest. Deju vu. I did not have this memory prior to this first aid course.

When I was in hospital, I remember my mother shaving my face. But my mother was supposed to be 1600 km away. I do not recall asking what happened, but my mother tells me I kept asking everyone what happened. So when I woke up, I didn't ask any questions because I knew the answers. I just couldn't remember ever asking anyone anything. This is probably because of all the drugs I was given.

While I was recovering in hospital, the ambulance drivers came in to see me. They told me to buy a lottery ticket and said that the chance for an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest survival was one in a thousand. On top of that, if it happened six months earlier, I wouldn't have made it to the hospital. Back then, ambulances did not have defibrillators. My thanks go to millionaire KERRY PACKER, who suffered something similar and therefore donated the money for defibrillators to be installed in ambulances.

I do not know how to word this next part but I will do my best.

When I read a book, just before I flip the page, I generally know what the next two or three words are. Also, I often say things at exactly the same time as other people (jinx). We watched a home video of my sister Anna and her boyfriend Jim of their holidays together. In a part of the video, Jim made an obscure comment on what I can't remember. But I do recall saying the exact same comment at the exact same time as he said it on camera while we were watching. Maybe I think the same way Jim does, or maybe it's psychic phenomena.

Now I am a 27 year old man, who was born with a hole in my heart. I have always had chest pain (which is why I thought chest pain was normal), and now I have had an Inserted Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD, type of pacemaker) for five years. My doctor wants me to have spinal surgery to remove some discs. He also said, if I do not have them removed, I could be a paraplegic in a few years time.

They tell me that I'm a very lucky man to still be alive. Sometimes I think that I am just unlucky not to be dead. They say you are still here because you have some unfinished business. But they never talk about the pain that comes with living.

I got this website from watching the movie “Final Destination 2”.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 6, 2004 - 07:45 pm:

My experience was not a personal near death experience, But I did experience the death of My Grandma. Here is how the experience went.

I was helping my neighbors fix some things in their apartment when I suddenly felt totally spaced out and tired. I told my neighbor that I needed to go lay down for a while. I returned to my own apartment and laid down on the bed. I almost immediately went into a state where I was not asleep and not awake. I started reaching out with my hand and grasping at the air. (Strangely I knew that it was not me that was in danger. ) I could feel the chest getting heavier and heavier. All of the sudden I was looking at a strange room through someone else’s eyes. I looked around the room and saw my aunt standing next to the bed that I was lying on. She was holding my hand. I could feel a tremendous bond between these two people that seemed to transcend all time. It was literally an unbreakable bond. I could feel energy go up my arm into my aunt’s body and come back down into my body. At that point in time, the view faded out as though someone did a fade out at the end of a movie. All of a sudden we were at an aerial tram setup, that went into a park and then up into the mountains. I do not know where. But there was a problem with the tram. There was a tremendous urgency to fix the tram. I did some repairs on the tram and the people got on the tram and the tram went off into the distance. As the tram left, the scene faded out again as though the camera were doing a fadeout at the end of a movie. I suddenly had the sensation of being pulled backwards and then falling. The fall seemed to last about 20 seconds. I slammed back into my body and I could feel the bed go down from the impact. I woke up at that time, and the first thought I thought was “that crap is finally over.” I felt really good and had a real feeling of accomplishment. I walked out into the kitchen and there was a message on my answering machine from my dad that that my grandma had died. I suddenly had a vision of my aunt again, and a really big feeling of grief and remorse, and a feeling that a tremendous loss had occurred. I honestly think I was feeling my aunt’s feelings at the time. There were feelings associated with this event that cannot be described. I have thought about it a lot since then and it has had a major impact on my life. I talked to my mom a short time later about this and this is what she told me.

FACTS IN THE SITUATION
1. My grandma died of congestive heart failure
2. My aunt was holding my grandma’s hand when she died.
3. My grandma opened her eyes and looked at my aunt before she died.
4. I was asked by my mom how I knew all this information. I told her the story and all that I had seen and her jaw about hit the floor

CONCLUSION
I do not know why I was brought in to witness this but I felt there was a definite purpose to my being there. I think I was part of the bond between my Grandma and aunt. I had a feeling that we had been through a lot together. I feel it was necessary for me to be there for my Grandma to move on. And I will see my Grandma again when this life is over.

Anyway that is my experience. Although it was not exactly a personal NDE It was a rather unique and personal experience.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 6, 2004 - 07:40 pm:

I was taken to the hospital because I could barely breathe. When I got to the hospital, the nurses and doctors were trying to ask me what was wrong. So I tried to answer, but as I tried to tell them I could barely breathe, all the breath I had just seemed to blow right out of me like a gust of wind. I couldn't breathe in. So I remember pretending that I was at swimming lessons when I was little when I was able to hold my breath the longest. Then all of a sudden I saw all my (deceased) family members come towards me (in hospital beds... like the one I was in...) they were all surrounding me. Then my (deceased) father's face was right in front of me (he died when I was 10 of a heart attack). There seemed to be a white light or substance surrounding his face. He was just looking right into me. Then a yellow light or substance started coming downward towards my dad's face (which I seemed to 'know' was my (recently deceased) twin brother). Then all of a sudden, I seemed to be 'awake' and wondering what was over my shoulder. It was my fiancée crying, telling me 'Don't go! Don’t go.” Then I was fine. Then the doctor checked me out, said I was fine, and could go home. So I don't really know what happened. Apparently, I was there for 6 hours, but I only thought I was there for 15 minutes? No one (any deceased family members) ever 'said' anything to me... But it seemed like they were saying that I wasn't suppose to go.

So I don't know if this was a NDE or not but my life seems to be totally different. I just go with the flow now; whereas before, I was so scared (I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I am not even worried about the future anymore (and I don't even have any immediate family members who are alive except one brother who I don't see because he is in hiding from the bad things he's done).

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 08:50 pm:

This is the first chapter of a manuscript I'm working on. It may be a little long for your needs, but I hope that it is helpful to you. But please keep in mind that I do intend to publish this in a book soon.

A Walk in Time

I was in Concord, California staying with an aunt. On March seventeen, nineteen eighty-seven, I awoke early to a thunderous single beat of my heart and a fast, deep gasp of air. My eyes flew open to the pain in my chest, as I realized that I hadn't been breathing for quite some time. Fear shot through me as it never had before, along with the realization that I was alive. Alive was the only word in my mind. My body felt only fragmentarily connected to the rest of me. It was unbearably heavy with a loss of control uncharacteristic to me. My once comfortable body was now strangely foreign, responding to my commands only with great effort as I stumbled my way into the living room.

I sat staring into space, attempting to steady my hands and control my erratic breathing. I coughed, sensing that I couldn't speak. No matter how I tried, I couldn't make a single sound. I would later learn that this symptom meant that I had been dead for about twenty minutes. I managed to light the first of an endless series of cigarettes, undoubtedly one of the most important things to do after a major heart attack.

I was grateful the baby was still asleep and my aunt had already left for work for the day, as I began reliving in vibrant mental and emotional detail what had happened and where I'd been.
I'd gone to bed the night before as usual, with no strenuous exercise during the day. Nothing at all was out of the ordinary. I'd gone shopping, made dinner, and watched television after putting my nine and a half month old daughter down for the night.

I slept soundly, until the early morning hours when I suddenly seemed to awaken in a dark, cloud-like haze. A brilliant and comforting light shone through the clouds beyond. I was alone and knew immediately without a single doubt that I had died. I couldn't remember what had happened, how old I was or a single detail about my life at all. I did know that somehow I hadn't completed my life and that it had ended violently. I wondered, as I began to cry, if all dead people had trouble remembering.

Somehow, I also knew that I would be met by someone who would help me and send me on my way to eternity. As I thought that a figure appeared at my left. She was short and kind, with a large head. She seemed somehow familiar, but I didn't recognize her. She confirmed, telepathically, that I had indeed died. She said, "You may have whatever you wish by imagining having it, be wherever you wish by imagining being there.”

My first thought was of how I'd come to be a spirit. Instantly, I was transported into the past to witness my death. Time suddenly had no meaning at all. My guide remained at my left side, holding my hand, answering my questions and comforting me. I saw myself arrive home to a small townhouse. I knew I was coming in from work to pick something up before rushing out to pick up the kids. As I reached the front door to leave, a neighbor I scarcely knew knocked, and then forced his way in. I watched helplessly as he raped and murdered my body.

I covered my face with my hands, as my spirit rose to leave. Mourning for the new baby I would never give birth to and hold, I saw my murderer run away. I also saw the police arrive, and I followed the detective until he caught the man. Eventually, I went to my own wake. As I stared down at my body in the light blue and white casket, I remembered they had been my favorite colors. I suddenly understood that they had been theme colors for a lifetime of emotions to be experienced and expressed.

Around me were friends and relatives. I could hear what they were thinking and feel their grief as clearly as I thought my own thoughts and felt my own emotions. I was stunned to realize how very much I'd been loved. I began to cry again because I couldn't let them know that I had loved them all just as much back. I reached to touch the face which could no longer show my tears. I no longer had cheeks to wipe or a nose to blow. I cried harder. I wondered who would raise my children. I would never write the books I'd so wanted to write. My poems would never see the light of day.

I realized for the very first time that during the course of my life, survival had gotten in the way of what I'd wanted to do, in the way of what I now realized I'd come into life to accomplish. My feelings of devastation were beyond any I had known during life. I couldn't change it now, I knew that I'd have to go through the birth process again because of it. There were two people at my wake whose acts towards me I'd been unable to forgive in life. I was still angry with them and will always remember the hate I felt. I'll not soon forget the love coming from their hearts for me either. My husband and children arrived. I hadn't known marriage could be so right before we'd met, so peaceful and happy. It had ended much too soon. He lifted each child to kiss me good-bye, Janna, Jamie, and little Corey, just three years old. Corey could see and hear me still. I spoke with him about being brave and not forgetting me.

I thought of my eldest son, Chet, who was with his father. I was with him immediately, watching as he received the news, unable to comfort and hold him. He went into his bedroom and I watched as he committed suicide. "Would you like to see what would have happened had you written and published?" my guide asked. I nodded. I was far above the earth after sunset. The colors were a magnificent sight, and I'll always remember them. All across the globe, little sparks of light flickered like the flames of candles burning. I saw time pass into decades and beyond. ”They are the flickering hearts of those you would have touched," my guide explained.

As the scene ended another began. I saw myself in a large, beautiful house in the country in Mill Valley, California. I was working at a computer, as the children came and went from the large family room I'd made into my office as well. Gone was the small townhouse and crowded neighborhood in which I'd lived and died only moments before. There was so much peace in that house, so much happiness and laughter. I somehow knew that doing what I'd been born to do had produced so much harmony. This house and the events taking place there haunted me for months afterward. It was as though the house and the people there wanted to re-enforce the messages they had given me. How I wished I could do it all again, live again, breathe, hug and kiss my children again. Even as my very soul grieved, I knew it could never be. My guide carefully placed a spirit hand on my shoulder. ”You can," she said. With all the force of a massive collision, I was in my body again and awake. I have never been more grateful for the simple act of waking up.

I had had a heart attack just a month before my thirty second birthday. I was terrified at the prospect. I'd just found the reality in my life, just discovered as much of normality as I thought I ever might. I knew I was out of shape because of the baby and the Hepatitis B. I hadn't known at the time that I'd had mononucleosis and CMV too. Still, I'd been out of shape before, and nothing had ever happened to me. It didn't seem possible that I'd aged so much in the seven short years since my last child. Going to the hospital entered my mind, but I couldn't have spoken to anyone. I didn't know at the time that being incapable of talking, I could have just dialed 911, and waited for a response, or I would have. When I could speak, I didn't know what to say. I thought about admitting to having just had the most dramatic out-of-body experience I'd ever heard of, but didn't think I would be believed. I didn't know what to do.

I grabbed a notebook and my favorite pen. I spent the next several days in almost nonstop writing. In retrospect, I realized that my oldest son had been fourteen years old at the time of my death. That meant the date had to have been at least August of nineteen ninety-two. It was March of nineteen eighty-seven. I'd never heard of Mill Valley, California before. I finally found it on a map. It really did exist, and I've been told, is considered the New Age capital of the West Coast. There were people at the wake I didn't know. Since that time, I have met them. Jamie and Corey have not been born and won't be. I would eventually understand that they had been symbols for events to take place in my life. The name Corey means the same thing in Gaelic that my real first name means in Cherokee, which is Little Stream. Corey was symbolic for finding myself. I had transcended time within transcending time. It was a view of my tomorrow with options. I'd seen where I was going and was given the opportunity to change the course to a better one. After writing it all down, the messages were startlingly clear. I had some choices to make.

I ended my search for a job. This book had begun. I let the baby-sitter go. The family clans went into an uproar. They have all gotten over it. I started going back to college. I am writing now, and though things do get in the way at times, I don't let them be permanent distractions. I had faced my fears of death and conquered them. I understood that I'd feared death because I'd feared a lack of completion in my life. I won't let that happen now, so there is no fear. I also know that there is no real death, no lack of conscious awareness afterwards. I'd still been the person I had always been. I didn't just end. I'd still had the same thoughts and emotions I'd always had. I was still me. I didn't know where so much had come from. I wondered if God did sometimes intervene in our lives. I wondered if death was really like that, imagining and having, mental and emotional telepathy. I worried about my son Chet. I thought a long time about my deceased mother. I wondered where she was and what she was learning. I wondered if she had company and what her life was like now. Most of my questions would eventually be answered, but it would take a while. Next came the elephants. My guides would later torment me for months about them, as well as my refusal to write seriously about them.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 08:48 pm:

It was after my son had been taken out of me and they were sewing me back up. I felt it was getting very hard to breath, and I really needed to fight to say in control. I then noticed I was flying away from my husband. I was going side ways away from him, like down a tunnel but on my side. The distance between us was getting greater. I could see my son, and then I heard a male/female voice say it was time to go home. I felt very angry (my husband and I had lost 3 babies via miscarriage) and our son had just come into this world. I was in no way ready to leave my family as they needed me and I wasn't ready to move on. I told the voice to forget it, I was not ready and that was that. The anesthetist told me I was very brave, and he seemed to know how close I had been to going out. I later found out I had lost a large amount of blood so much the floor was covered. I saw the shocked looks on the theater nurses faces as they looked at the blood all over the floor. I nearly had a stroke a few days later. I was too ill to breast feed though I tried to do so for four days. It took a long time for me to reconnect to my world. I knew I was given this chance because I was so sure I had things still to do. My dad did not come for me, so I knew I could stay, and so I did. Dad’s got a really strong sense of time, and he would have been there on the other side if I had been due in. I guess they were just testing my resolve and found I had a lot of miles left in me yet.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 08:47 pm:

I had had an illegal abortion, crudely performed. Afterwards, I became infected from my head to my feet. I was in excruciating pain. My friend decided to take me to the emergency room. There was a wild thunderstorm, I remember. I could not get my shoes on; I nearly passed out. My friend helped me and got me into the car. I remember we came to a railroad crossing, with a train going by. We had to stop and wait. I was in the back seat, barely able to withstand the pain. Then suddenly I knew I was dying. Time seemed insignificant, I don't remember at what point it happened. I think we were still waiting for the train to pass. All of a sudden, I felt myself lifted out of my body. I did not look down at myself, in fact, I don't remember looking anywhere. But the feeling was as though I was being taken into the arms of God, a concept I had never considered. Every sorrow, all grief, heartbreak, disappointment, loss, resentment, was gone. It was simply handled, period. I then felt the most unbelievable love, mercy and peace that I could ever imagine. In fact, one can't imagine it; it simply doesn't exist on this plane of consciousness! There are no words to describe it, and so I just have to "know" it. It was the greatest gift I have ever known.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 08:46 pm:

During a 4th of July party, a friend of mine inserted a large firecracker into an empty beer can and threw it at my feet. I heard it hit the ground and looked down at it just as it went off. The explosion was like a hand grenade. A large piece of the can penetrated my skull through my nose and into my right eye, which was severed in two. I was instantly blinded and started bleeding severely. My friends rushed me to a clinic, but they were not equipped to handle as severe a wound as I had. I was taken to a large hospital, I do not know how. I was left laying on a gurney until a proper ophthalmologist could be contacted. I remember a large pressure bandage being placed over the right side of my head. There was severe pain.

My next sight was of me laying on the gurney, only I was 30 to 40 feet above looking down. My thoughts were 'why doesn't someone help this poor guy?' I then noticed that it was me. I felt a very cool breeze on my back, like standing in front of an air conditioner on a hot day. I turned to see what it was and it was a hole in a black background, a very bright white hole, about a foot in diameter. It was so bright, but it didn't hurt my eyes, like one would shield themselves from looking at the sun. It was many times brighter than the sun, but it was relaxing. I looked back at me and I was growing farther away, and the hole was getting bigger. Now I noticed the cool pleasantness of the light. There was no pain. There was no noise. I was very curious and approached the light, which was all around me by now. I knew I was not going back to the hell of life; it was too beautiful where I was. The cool breeze blew in my face and I felt it all through my body. I had no sense of restrictions. There was no need of anything. I was also very hungry and drunk at the time, but I had no sense of either symptom. I was fully prepared to enter the light, but took one last look back at the pitiful wretch that was me. Suddenly, I saw a nurse come to my face; she drew her hand back and slapped me as hard as she could. I was immediately back into my body, in pain, bleeding, half blind, hungry and drunk. I curse her to this day. She thought she was saving a life, but she was simply prolonging what I look forward to, that I know will come.

I have heard other 'tales' of experiences, some of which are utter fallacy, but I know what I had seen, and I tell you that I saw the nurse hit me. I can describe what she wore and her funny little hat, and I saw her hit me WITH BOTH EYES! She later came to my room and told me what she did, and she looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I saw her do it. I have no fear of death, and neither should anyone else. In daily life, I know things that are going to happen, but only after they have happened. I guess you could say that I am clairvoyant, but it is not important to me. Death is not the last action for humanity.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 08:45 pm:

I had gone to a state park with my grandmother and family friends. This was my first time to be in the water as my mother had a fear of the water. And since my mother wasn't around, I got to play a lot. I did not know at the time there was a wall separating two different areas of depth. But the wall looked very inviting to me to jump off of. I jumped into the deep side and wondered why I was able to stay down so long. I remember thinking this was really a wonderful feeling being in this wonderful place. I remember it being warm, loving, and very, very pleasant. Just about the time I was really enjoying the feeling, our friend Helen pulled me out and scolded me for jumping in and being under so long. At the time I did not realize what had happened. I just remembered how wonderful it was being there and not wanting to leave. It was not too long after that, that I started hearing voices in my head advising me what to do and what not to do. It seemed to be instruction. Also, I remember seeing auras. Of course, at the time I did not know what any of this was. It was just things that I saw and heard. Also, I seemed to be very aware of people's feelings. I became quite introverted and lonely. I did not learn what any of this meant until I started putting things together while reading "Full Circle" by Barbara Harris. I still have intuitive encounters and other psychic things happen to me. I can supply them if you want them. At any rate, I think this is probably what happened to me at 5 yrs old, and I just now was able to put a name on it.

Thank you

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:31 pm:

In 1987, my sister (one year younger than I) died of breast cancer after two years with the disease. In 1990, I discovered a lump in my left breast, and after a visit to my GP, I was to have a mammogram and ultrasound. In light of my sister’s recent death, I was obviously very concerned about my own health. That night I went to bed as usual when suddenly there was a "being" standing(?) beside me and the impression I got was that I had been "told" I was being taken to see my sister. We "walked" upwards through a "tunnel" not particularly dark as in black, but dark bluish, I was very aware of the "being" (my maternal grandmother came to my mind but I can't be sure) "walking" with me and felt quite comfortable with them, but I couldn't see the "being.” Suddenly we were through the "tunnel" and entered a brightly lit (sunny?) paved courtyard bordered by a low brick retaining wall beyond which was beautiful lawn on which "walked" other "beings". To the left was another low brick wall and the impression of a fence just beyond it. On that wall sat some "beings" (impression) and my sister, who had her head bent over some hand sewing she was doing. I have to say that my sister was never one to sit and sew. As we drew close to her she looked up at me and said, "go back, it's not your time yet!” I sensed some frustration in her voice, which was exactly how she would have reacted. Immediately I was back, awake and in my bed. I continue to be in awe of my experience, which I know without doubt was not a dream, despite having people try to convince me otherwise, not by my family however.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:30 pm:

I was riding an off-road vehicle, and I suddenly found that I had taken a wrong turn and was going off the edge of a cliff. I thought I was surely going to die as I was flung over the handlebars and into a mid-air summersault. As I was spinning around, I found myself looking up and the four-wheeler I was riding on was coming down right on top of me. If I survived the fall, this thing was going to finish me by crashing down over me. It was then as if time stopped and went into freeze-frame. I suddenly realized I could do something and divert the trajectories of myself and the vehicle. I don't know how in a fraction of a second I could have become so clear and be able to act to change the outcome. I raised my right arm and gave a mighty push to the four-wheeler and sent myself spinning to the left, as I was still in that forward summersault. A moment after I impacted the ground, I was wondering if I was just dreaming I had survived. I had to pinch myself. Within a short time, a tremendous pain in my shoulder convinced me I indeed survived. My left shoulder was shattered, but I had survived. I could never understand why time seemed to stop and how I could have reacted that fast. It was as if everything else slowed down, or that I was somehow speeded up and thus everything else seemed slow. It was just enough time to avert almost certain disaster. The project I started four years later after a similar experience is now a butterfly peace and healing initiative spreading around the world. I guess I'm still here because I had something to do. What is really amazing is that the butterfly is often associated with this kind of experience [ref Judy Guggenheim, who wrote Hello from Heaven]. Welcome to the magical world of butterflies and serendipity. May Peace Prevail on Earth!

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:19 pm:

I was reading some entries on an associated website and was struck by the similarity between those and this entry from my diary reproduced verbatim. To set the context, I was seriously depressed and suffering from emotional pain I couldn't stand much longer. I wasn't really inspired to record my thoughts and feelings - but felt this experience was meant to teach me something. I wanted to record it whilst still fresh so that I could refer back and make sense of it.

3 Jan 1999: Last night I was reading (a book from a friend who was also undergoing an extremely distressing time) and decided to ask for guidance. I saw a deep crimson velvet heart like a box. When opened, there was a flame inside. I couldn't quite get an answer and fell asleep still struggling to understand. I had an epic dream which seemed to last for hours. When I was still awake, I first saw a girl with a sneer and hard eyes, and long blonde hair. I asked for "someone benevolent.” In my dream, I was guided by a woman with brown hair. I saw her in two or three places, but she always had the same eyes and that's how I knew it was still her. The first parts of the dream were very deep. I know I was asking questions and was receiving guidance, and I think I was satisfied - or even cheered - by these responses, but I have no idea now what I learned. I wish I knew. Then a more lucid bit came when this woman said, “You can still set yourself free, if you believe, you only have to ask.” She carried on speaking and I interrupted her because I sensed I was running out of time: "Who do I ask?" In the meantime, this woman was saying, "This drinking - it's an attack on your feminine side.” And in response to my question, she said, "Well, that's the ironic thing - it's you who's doing this to yourself - you ask yourself.”

I think possibly before that I had a strong sense that I wasn't going to make it back from this journey, and I started to pray. I remember making the sign of the cross and saying I loved (something) and saying "give my love to God.” This woman gave me a sidelong look and I knew she was thinking, "You know you don't mean "God"", and I reminded myself: the universe is God. I continued (dark, misty) away (from life?) and prayed so hard that this wouldn't hurt my loved ones too much. I prayed that they knew how much I loved them, and for their protection. I realized that just because I was passing over to the other side, it didn't help me to understand what happens there. I asked that my loved ones could know that I was missing them just as they were missing me, even though I'd gone over. I prayed, "I don't know how, but I pray to God that one day we will all be reunited.” I passed on and saw there were others there. In a lighter (still misty) patch, I saw school children and especially noticed a teenage girl and boy. I wondered if they were those who had died of meningitis after Christmas. I carried on to a darker misty place, as if passing over a city at night - it was cold - and towards a light, like a lit doorway. I felt this was a challenge to me to test my will to come back. (It was very welcoming and felt safe and warm and loving - but it also felt wrong of me to go there.) I seemed to make it because I found myself back at the entrance to the place I'd been before, in a queue (how English) which led up a winding staircase in a well-lit building. I saw her again and seized the opportunity to ask her more questions. On the landing, where we were set to go in different directions, I hurriedly asked her if this meant I was to live. She hesitated and said, "yes... but we may be called back here again in about a month...” I thought, "But I don't want to die in a month! I want to live until I'm old!” She continued, ” … but there is a possibility that might be extended until...” (an idea of 80+ years of age entered my head). As she left, I thought, "but I'm not an angel - I'm a person!” Then I wondered as I awoke if she was too, and had just come to guide and heal me, and if I would go back just to do the same, not to leave this life. I wish I knew what I had learned.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:18 pm:

I had a massive heart attack. Fortunately, I was at the emergency room. I felt no pain; I just slipped away. The next thing I knew I was in a large room, like old photos of inside Ellis Island. There were no windows on the ground floor but there was much light from the windows above. The entire hall was filled with tables like a school cafeteria, and they all had lights hanging above them. I was dressed for work and went to my table. Although there were no directions, I knew exactly where I was going and I sensed that I belonged there. I was not afraid. I only remember a tremendous peace and somehow I felt as though I belonged. I never thought about my family or anything, it was all about me. The next thing I remember were many voices calling me, and I awoke as they carted me to the cath lab. I’ve had two open heart surgeries since; the last one I almost didn’t make it through. After seven days of no sleep, I slipped into sleep deprivation psychosis. My blood pressure dropped and I was being kept alive by a computer. That night I could no longer fight, and I gave my life to God and resigned myself to die. I could hear the prayers of people praying for me and I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning and I felt warmth cover me from head to toe. A voice told me I was not through. That day I pulled through, and two days later I was in a private room and walking down the hall.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:17 pm:

I was 13 years old. I don’t know if I died or not. I had double pneumonia. I guess I passed out because I couldn’t breathe. The next thing I knew, I was floating above my body. I had hands and feet and could see and hear every thing going on in my bed below. I could hear them saying he is too young to have passed away. I kept trying to tell them that I was not dead. They could not hear me. I began to see a light coming towards me. I could feel a love present as the light got larger, and a warmth of great compassion inside the light. There was a figure inside the light that talked to me without using words and said, "You have to go back you have something you must do.” When I was there, I was thinking this must be Jesus. I asked him a lot of question about where is heaven. He showed me what I will be doing in heaven. He told me that, and answered a lot of other question. I don’t know who you are at the other end of this computer. You will never know that love in this life. He is a wonderfully brother to us, and we have wonderful things to do when you or I go back to that light to stay. This he also told me: the work that I have done for the last 15 years is me trying to express some of the love that our brother has for us to those in need. But believe me I could not express that love in 10 life-times of work.

Sorry I don’t spell that well, I so want to get into what he told me at this time. But it [was] wonderful for you and I both.

[a child of the light]

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:16 pm:

I would like to get as much information as I can about this if I could. I don't know if this is a near death experience or not. Here is my story. In 1999 I was in the hospital. At 8:15 p.m. I quit breathing. My wife told me that by the time the doctors worked on me and let her back in the room to see me it was 9:00 p.m. The only thing I remember is that I thought that I was in some sort of waiting area and I was having a very INTENSE argument with a black clergy man. He said - "J, God is with you now - it is time to go." I told him that I could not go because my granddaughter needs me right now and would not understand. The more we argued the more intense it got until I heard my wife’s voice calling me and I woke up.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:07 pm:

In 1985, I had been feeling extremely tired for months, when I had some dental work done. The dentist decided to put me in the hospital to cut out some wisdom teeth, as I had Raynaud’s disease. Upon admission to the hospital, a pre-op was done, which included a chest x-ray. They later came in and told me that my heart was appearing double its size in the x-ray. They later decided that I had fluid around the heart, which made it appear so. Within the next 10 days, they went in to my heart-lining with a needle and would withdraw the fluid. Within 2 to 3 days it would build up again. Each time it would be from 560 to 650cc's of fluid. They finally decided to go in and operate, to take out part of the heart lining, so the fluid could not build up, as they could not find out why it was doing this.

They took me into surgery and administered the anesthetic and I sank down into oblivion. All of a sudden, I heard a nurse say, "Doctor, her pressure is dropping.” She said this three times and by the third time, her voice was sounding panicky. It was at this point that I realized I could hear exceptionally clear. I cannot describe the clarity of my hearing. I could have heard a pin drop. I felt as though I had been fighting a difficult battle and I just gave up. I gave into an over-whelming feeling of defeat. It was at this point that I heard a voice say, "you are judging yourself much too harshly.” A feeling of complete, total relaxation came over me. It was as if I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it had been removed with that one sentence. I knew that I had been unconditionally forgiven for any wrongs I felt I had done throughout my life. I felt myself starting into a total darkness, but I was not afraid. I started moving along in this black tunnel, when all of a sudden I was brought back to the harsh lights in the recovery room. The pain in my chest was intense. Both sides of my ribs hurt and I felt as though I had a hot iron on the inside of my chest. When I totally awoke, I also found a V-shaped mark in the center of my chest. I was in the ICU 10 days after that.

I felt as if I had been going to my true home and was forced back here. I did not want to come back. The peacefulness and serenity I had felt, I cannot even begin to describe in mere words. I wish I could say that this changed me into a much better person, but after returning home, I totally turned the opposite of what I was. My marriage almost ended. I went from a shy-retiring person to a party type. I felt for a long time that I was just visiting here on earth, and I really wanted to return to my true home. It took a few years before I finally returned back to my normal self. During that time though, I had hurt many of my loved ones with my actions. I am now no longer fearful of death, for I know that it is just the closing of one door and the opening of another.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:06 pm:

I came across your website and thought that perhaps you might be interested in my experience below. I am not sure as to whether this counts as a NDE, as there seems only a few of the common incidents. This is probably far too verbose but if the contents are of interest, please feel free to edit my notes. Equally, I am unsure whether biographical information is required. I append some details if needed. My name is B and at the time was 62 years old. I have a somewhat elderly and very ordinary physics qualification (1960), and spent the first 15 years in research laboratories doing research into communication in the presence of noise. I was persuaded to leave research and apply my experience into the design and management of large communication systems. Over the next 15 years, I designed and installed a variety of networks both international and national. In 1990, I took a profitable early retirement and formed my own company carrying on the same work.

In 1997, my life style (too much eating, drinking, smoking and working) caught up me and my heart called it a day, obliging me to close my company and give up work. I have yet to establish a satisfactory explanation for some experiences I had during 1997 (and I refer to notes that I made in as soon as I was able to type). I suffered a series of heart attacks and was admitted to the intensive care unit of my local hospital. After about a week, I became much worse and was transferred to another hospital where I underwent emergency heart surgery and had a quadruple bypass.

Two days after the operation everything started to go wrong, and in fact, I was unconscious under full life support for an extra 8 weeks. I knew nothing of this until I woke at the in a completely terrified state (which apparently is not unusual). I had no idea where I was or what was real, having had the rather unpleasant and very vivid dreams as described below. (These dreams are still as vivid today as when I woke.)

Principal Dream Episodes: Much of the dream (or dreams) are now unclear. In particular, the order of episodes is confused. However, a number of distinct phases can still be remembered. I dreamt that I was due for a major operation and was already in a motorized wheel chair and was in a hospital. I decided that I would have a last night of freedom and somehow left the hospital, still in the motorized wheelchair. The next thing I remember is returning to a hospital, which I knew, and also I knew it was a different hospital to the one I had left. The staff in this hospital seemed more amused than angry at my sudden appearance and decided to test me for pregnancy. I dreamt that I was in bed in the hospital and in a tower block. To my horror all the staff, when they thought they were unobserved, turned into little silver entities with round featureless heads. They were busy carrying other silver spheres, which I somehow knew to be patients who had died. I managed to get up to the top of the tower to try to defeat these aliens. I decided that a photoflash would kill them. A program of flashing at everybody in the UK was set up under my direction.

It now gets very confused, as if several dreams were occurring together. In my dream I knew that I was in intensive care (I did not know where nor did I know why I was there). I was in a high bed and my family was around me. My eldest daughter was there and was herself. My wife was there and was unchanged. My youngest daughter was there but her name was Miriam, and she was some sort of priestess (pagan) dressed in a long back robe, and had an emblem, an inverted crescent moon, round her neck. She was married to an Asian from America who was also some kind of priest. My son was not there at first, but I knew that he was a priest (Christian) and married with a large number of children. He was also associated with a pop group, which had a major hit. The record started off with a religious chant (which I loved) and then went into a dreadful pop stuff. Everybody thought I liked the •••• thing, and not only did they play the record non-stop through loudspeaker high up on my right, but the pop group came and played their hit by my bedside. Miriam's husband turned out to be one of the aliens, and because he came from America I had reprogram the flash device in kill off the next bunch of aliens. The bed that I was in was quite high and attached to me were a number of pipes, which led to a huge tank in the hospital grounds. A chap called George ran this facility. The tank was full of bits of people and other things and had a large drain at the bottom. I dreamt that I was led out to the tank (still in my bed or wheelchair) and I knew that I was going to be tipped down the drain. I remember now that I was very frightened, but determined that I would not disappear without trace and as we passed by the metal support of the tank, I reached out and placed my wedding ring, my watch and a handful of money on a shelf. We arrived at the drain, and I was tipped down this black plastic hole. I fell through and landed in bright sunlit, to my considerable surprise and relief. Both my son and Miriam were there and as I lay helpless on my back, Miriam who was still dressed in her priestess role, leant over me and said with sadness that this was all for the best and plunged a long dagger into my heart.

I am unsure as to whether the next episodes came after or before the above but I relate them as they come back into memory. I was in St. Paul's cathedral in London and was involved in an “entertainment” of some religious significance although I have no idea what. My part was at the end, where I suddenly appeared at the front of the stage dressed in a golden body suit and posing with arms and legs outstretched as though I was on a cross. The next thing, I found myself reclining, still in the golden body suit, on a collection of rocks. In front of me was a set of gates separating two towers. To the left there was seemed to be a bearded face, which I knew to be an enemy and indeed was diabolical. As I watched, the face started to rush towards me, and I pointed my hand at the oncoming face and forced it back with a ball of golden fire. I think that I returned to this dream sequence many times and each time I became weaker. I knew that I was in the most terrible danger, and I very clearly remember (even after this time) raising my left arm and pointing to the sky and calling out “O God help me and if You do I will make an act of contrition.” (I have no idea what I meant!) Out of the corner of my eye, I then saw a blue tide washing over the rocky scene coming in from the left ,and I felt a warmth and great strength being “fed” into me. I saw a huge hand coming down from above, holding a golden sheet and placing it behind me behind some tiles arranged in a circle

This last episode is the principal dream sequence which is causing the soul searching. I have yet to reach a satisfactory explanation. These notes are being written nearly year after the events, but the sequence below is still vivid in my mind and I have to understand what, if anything, it means. What did I experience, if anything? The real problem with this type of experience is that is subjective with no objective evidence to support it. I think normally that I would have dismissed the whole thing as a drug induced hallucination, but for the fact (this can be verified) that as soon as I woke, I was most insistent that my wife answer a question: where was my wedding ring? Somewhat puzzled, she told me that she had taken it off together with my watch and they were at home. I told her about the dream sequence where I had been bunged down the hole. I was then able to tell what was real and what was just a dream. I told my wife about the “religious episode” thinking that it would entertain her. There was an uncomfortable silence and I learnt for the first time the seriousness of my condition.

Since then I have tried to understand just what if anything really happened. There seem to be only a few possibilities, none of which is completely satisfying. Just coincidence and none of the dream episodes are meaningful. A drug induced hallucination. If a drug induced hallucination, what triggered it? A real transcendental experience? Did I become aware of my situation despite being deeply unconscious There seems no doubt that at times I was “aware” of my surroundings: for example, Pat played one of my tapes and tears rolled down my cheeks, Pat asked me if I disliked the music and I am told that I nodded. Apparently the staff never discussed my condition within earshot, but it could be that I did hear something even in my drugged state, and realized my danger. I have been reading about work carried with ketamine in order to produce NDE-like experiences, and although this seems to be the most likely explanation, I still cannot understand, if that is the case, where did I get the strength to stabilize after 28 arrests in the half hour. My condition was such that serious consideration was being given to switching off the life support. (Note added in 1998: my cardiologist tells me that I made a serious attempt at dying with a total of 75 arrests, which would appear to be a record as far as he knows.) I have tended to assume that the time of maximum danger was the period referred to above, but I continued to arrest, although nowhere near the frequency. I also was suffering from a multitude of organ failures of varying severity. Did I continue to draw strength throughout, or was there but one “injection” which was sufficient to carry me through. If a transcendental experience, what was it that gave me the strength? Was this a religious experience? Is there, contrary to all my previous beliefs, a personal God? Regards

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:05 pm:

After an appendix operation, as they were trying to bring me round, I could not breathe, I felt as though as I was suffocating, I was feeling intense pain, I could not see anything but could hear everything that was going off in the operating theatre. After a few seconds, I was at my shoulder level, no pain. Next second, I was back in my body, intense pain once more. Then again, instantly I was a little further away from my body, again at shoulder level, no pain again. At this time I was thinking, Good grief, what are my daughter and dogs going to do without me? Again I whizzed back into my body, intense pain, Next time, a little further away from my body, thinking this time, :no pain, but there will be an article in the local press tomorrow: woman dies during routine appendix operation.: Whoosh, back in my body again, excruciating pain. Then relief, again a little further away from my body. No pain, what relief, still no sight like other people have said, but sound and totally rational thinking when I was not in my body. Next second, back to the agony. By this time the theatre staff realized that I was having trouble, and they said, she is going cyanosed; they said, “Let the machine breathe for you.” What relief. I woke up in intensive care on life support. But I have since said that if I had died, my spirit, soul or whatever would have still been there.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 10:04 pm:

The narrative above describes two of my experiences. I have also had other events that have changed me. I have true seen a ghost of a young lady at the road side, at night, in a very dense fog. I will never forget the eyes. They were empty. I thought I had hit her; I stopped the car and backed up. No one was there but she had been there. She was white with a white flowing dress and looked to be 14-17 years of age. My boyhood home was built on the exact site of where a church had burned. Some of the lumber in our home was from the burned out church. We played in the grave yard as kids. The house was filled with sounds at night. Heavy foot steps on the roof, scraping in the window screens and a family constantly in torment.

Two years ago as I sat at my computer at 9:00 AM on a Sunday morning writing an article, I had a very strong vision of my father falling on a snow-covered sidewalk, striking his head, massive bleeding, and an ambulance taking him away. I also saw him dead. The sensation was extremely strong and I had to sit back in my chair to deal with it. At noon, three hour later, my father fell while entering a bowling alley that we had gone to for a birthday party. Everything happened as in the vision, and he died a few weeks later of complications of massive head trauma. I was extremely shaken a few hours after he fell and a surgeon came to me to talk. I told him of my vision, and that I might have been able to have stopped it. He looked at me and said that his father had told him of many like situations that he had experienced during WWII. The surgeon believed my story, and said he believed that something is available to us if we just knew how to deal with it. He too calmed me, and then walked away. Many things in business and research come true after I had envisioned them as much as a decade prior to the event. I do not want to use any ability for gain, but it haunts me to know that this ability exists. I have some very strong theories about what is going on and the nature of these abilities. I know I am not crazy and if my theories are correct it could change the nature of how mankind will exist in the future.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:56 pm:

In 1973, I was scheduled for a routine cardiac catheterization. This was probably my sixth one in the span of my 18 years at the time. I was born with congenital malformations of the heart and had three corrective surgeries to repair the damage prior to this experience. I was nervous. All I could remember were the experiences I had had in the past which were terrifying. I was afraid this would be the same regardless of advances in the technique of the procedure. I was taken to the cath lab, and everything I had remembered about my past procedures came true. It was four hours of terror, due in part by a physician who at the time was a resident and was assisting the cardiologist performing the procedure. The whole matter was botched from the get go. When I was returned to my room, I was drained of every ounce of energy. It was an effort to take a breath. I ask the nurse for a drink’ she brought juice. I took a sip, and then vomited. I fell back on the bed, heard a scream for help, which I assume came from the nurse in attendance. The next thing I knew, someone was shaking me. I could not respond.

I began to drift away into what I thought was sleep and suddenly found myself back home watching my mother and my little brothers and sisters about the house. In an instant, I was aware of being among my relatives in Indiana, my birthplace. I saw each of my relatives going about their everyday routine. Suddenly I remember reciting the Act of Contrition aloud, but my lips were not moving. In that moment, I was soaring toward a great light. During this time, I noticed that I was passing cornfields and split-rail fences. There were folks waving to me as I was "flying" by. The feeling I had was one of great warmth and happiness. It was a joy I had never experienced before and haven't since. Very suddenly, I came to a stop and found myself in the presence of an iridescent golden light. I felt part of that light... joined to it if you will. At that moment I knew all that was, all that had been and all that was to come. Though I did not return to my body with the knowledge of my future as I had in the experience with the Great Light, I came back knowing that there was a plan.

I heard the words "it is not your time." I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and instantly was back in the bed at the hospital in great pain. When I opened my eyes, my father was at my side. There were IV's going and an oxygen mask on my face. My chest ached as though I had been hit directly in the center of it. I started to cry but I was so weak. I wanted to tell my father what had happened, but I couldn't, so I just drifted into sleep. Sometime later, I told the story. But my father just laughed at me and explained it as all in my imagination. I never spoke of the experience again until years later when I found out that a cousin who fell into a diabetic coma had a similar experience. He is the only one who knows the truth. I fill my days with thoughts of God and going to Him again. I am not afraid.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:55 pm:

I had visited your web site, and thought I would share my experience with death with you! In 1979, I was in an accident on a motorcycle that left me with major injuries. At that time, I was 20 years old. I had died just minutes after reaching the hospital. Things I remember are seeing myself being worked on to bring me back to life. I never saw the light that so many talk about. However, I did feel the peaceful feeling that comes with death. I have never talked about this experience to any except my wife and children. I have always known that there is something on that other side that I will visit one day. I am not afraid of death anymore. Well, years have went by since then; now I'm 40 years old, had a lot of family trouble, got divorced and so on. It took a toll on me bad. Well, in 1997, I was drinking one night. I got to thinking about my life and that I had lost my family! So I took a gun and without hesitation put it to my head and pulled the trigger. From that point, I had a visit from a lady; don’t know who it was to this day. She was not from real life. she had told me I am not suppose to be there, that what I had done is very wrong, and that she was going to make it right again. This I had not told anyone either. Then I spent the next two weeks in a nightmare kind of state, living with awful things. Unlike the first time I died, she told me if I ever take my life again, this is what I would have to live with for eternity. Then I woke up in the hospital. I have come close to dying many times in my life: from drowning to almost getting shot during a hunting season. But I always seem to have some angel watching over me all the time. Am I special? I don’t know, but to someone in the after life I suppose I am. What my reason is for living I don’t know. Why I dodge death so many times, I don’t know either. But I do know I won’t take my life again by my own hand. That nightmare is one I don’t want again. So now days, I try to understand god and things and to be a good person. In my belief, I think I am still here learning good things in life and treating and loving people. I have hate for no other person on earth, no matter what they have done against me. That is my belief as of this day.

Thank you and what great research you have done!!!

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:53 pm:

I was hospitalized and put in traction after a car accident left me with a broken right femur in 1970. Because it was such a clean break, I had a hard time healing, so after three months of traction proved fruitless, the doctor decided to insert a steel plate in my leg to assist healing. I was scheduled for surgery in 1971 at 11:00 in the AM. At around 8:00, a nurse came in and gave me a hypo. About an hour later when the doctor came in, after checking my blood pressure, he asked if I had been given a hypo. When the nurse said I had, he instructed her to give me another one. He came back about an hour later and checked my pressure again. He asked me if I had any concerns. I told him I wasn't afraid of the surgery, but that I was scared of the traction being dismantled while I was still awake. He told me that I could be put to sleep in my room if I wanted, and that's what they did. When I fell asleep, I was in my room with the traction still attached. The next thing I remember was a blinding light shining in my eyes and I could her muffled discussion. It gradually became clearer (my eyesight, not the voices), and I could see the huge light from the operating table, and also the doctor with a mask on, and two nurses. I turned my head to the left and could see another man seated at my head (I now presume this to be the anesthesiologist). I thought to myself, "Oh my God, I'm waking up and they're not done with the surgery yet!" But then it occurred to me that nothing hurt!

Then in the next instant, I was up in the right hand corner of the room, watching them work on ME! I could see the back of the doctor's head, silver side of the light over the table, the tiles on the floor and walls, everything, very distinct. Then I felt a presence directing me to go through the building where the ceiling and walls met. When I did, the outside was (of course) a tunnel. I was at the entrance to it, and the “presence” had turned into three cloud-like, ghost-like beings. I sensed they were female, and they were very calming. They reached and held me under my armpits, although it didn't feel like they were touching me. They guided me through this tunnel. It was kind of V-shaped with the bottom of the V being where I started from. The opening got larger as I headed through it. The light at the end was Brilliant, and as we neared the opening, a form started to appear. At first, I couldn't quite make it out. But as we got closer, it formed into an elderly woman, whom I instinctively knew was very kind. I could see behind her and there was a beautiful garden in full bloom with all kinds of beautiful flowers. This woman looked a lot like my grandmother (who was still alive at the time), but yet I knew it wasn't her. I tried to go past her, I wanted badly to see the garden, but she put her arm out and stopped me. She bent down and hugged me (Why am I crying as I write this part?), and without any words, she told me that I couldn't stay. She said I had to go back. I was crying then and I told her I didn't want to and begged her to let me stay. She said that something had happened and I shouldn't have been there (I often wonder now if she meant at all or just right then). She said I wasn't finished yet. She said she'd come with me and, reluctantly, I went with her, crying all the way. When we turned around we were up in the corner of the operating room again, and there were the same people in the same setting. She gave me a little push and said, "Go on, now.” I turned back and reached my hand out to her and she held it for an instant. Then I was settling into my body and then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in my hospital room and my mom was standing over my bed holding my hand. I immediately recounted the events with her.

Several months later, when we were visiting my grandmother I noticed a picture on her bookcase and shouted, "That's the woman I saw!!" My grandmother told me that it was her mother, my great-grandmother. I guess then it all fell into place. Even though we have a rather large extended family, up to that point no one that I knew had died. She was there because I would know her and we were family. I never had the opportunity to ask the doctor, or I didn't then because I thought he would think me nuts, but it was never discussed whether or not something life-threatening happened in the operating room. Every time I recall this experience it is as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I have no doubt that it happened. I was never in that operating room while I was conscious, yet I can describe it and the on-goings in there like it was my own back yard. I never really knew what it was that happened or why it happened to me until years later in my adult life when I saw a documentary on NDE's. I was mesmerized as I realized that is exactly what happened to me! It has a name and it happens to other people, too. I really don't feel the need to tell others, I am grateful that I experienced it, and I am thankful to you for the opportunity to express my feelings right here and right now. Thank you very much...

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:42 pm:

I was asleep and what I saw was a darkness come around me and I was scared, but then some light started to show and then hands, at first I was scared and then I was not. Then I started to see people coming to me, and they where family. Some I knew and some I never meet. They were dead long before I was born, but I knew them. I was not scared. Then there was a light at end of this tunnel, and I knew it was God in there and I was not scared. I felt at peace, but then I thought about my kid and how young I was. Then I heard a voice say, “It was not my time.” I woke up coughing and that scared me. I stayed up. I had dreams before of a gate. It was open a little bit and then the next night it was closed. This has made me not scared of death.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:41 pm:

I was in bed at night and woke up with a hot fever. I called my mother, who was trained in nursing, to get me a glass of cold water. She took my temperature and it was one hundred and fifteen degrees. I went to sleep. Early in the morning, I opened my eyes and could see the sun shining through my window. Suddenly a deep, dark tunnel opened up at the foot of my bed leading up and outward. A being clothed in bright white garments, with a bright happy angelic face, appeared at the end of the tunnel at the foot of my bed. It stretched out its arms and said to me, "Come with me and all of your worries and problems will be over.” I decided to put it to the test, as I didn't believe problems would disappear just because I was not around. I asked the being what would happen to my younger brother and sister whom I protected from my mean sadistic older brother? The being turned dark and grimaced at me and said harshly, “Forget about them, think about yourself!" I said to it, "You're not an angel"! I wasn't going anywhere with that creature. I threw up its arms, covered its face, and said "Nooooooo" as it retreated back into the tunnel, which closed up on it and disappeared. I felt very good that I was not fooled into giving up my struggle to help my family by death. I noticed later that morning that I was covered with a lot of bumps. I had the chicken pox, which was a very severe case that lasted three weeks. I have never forgotten the experience, and I have only shared it with my younger siblings whom I have gladly looked after all of their lives and most of mine.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:40 pm:

Anyway, ever since I was a child I have been able to see and feel someone watching over me. One time I was playing the piano a felt a very nice warm feeling over my shoulder I turned to see who it was and I saw a really big smile. I guess whoever it was, was proud of me at the time. As I went through school, I knew what the teachers were going to say at times before they said a word. I just sold my house and I left a ghost with it! It used to move things in my toy room, but never wanted to contact me except through a ouija board. I was able to get initials, but that was it. My hairs stood up really high so, I just let it be and played in my toy room. It would walk around in the room at night while we watched TV downstairs. I would usually yell upstairs for it to not to break anything.

Another thing that has been happening is a guy at work died a few years ago and I would see him at work playing hide and seek with me. If I told this to anyone they would think I'm nuts! I can tell you this though I haven't seen him in awhile. I think he finally went towards the light; I did tell him to do so. Another thing: I was at work and I kept on seeing red and yellow flashing lights. I left work and down the street at the corner, there was a fire at a warehouse! Leaving work, I was at a red light when it turned green. I sat there; I didn't know why until a tractor-trailer came running through a red light. Thank God for the intuition! I can go on. When my brother was baptized, the white cloth the Priest used to wipe the holy water off his forehead had blood on it and no one was bleeding. Another time one of my brothers had been run over by the family car and he was fine. The tire tracks went across his chest. These two brothers are twins also.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:39 pm:

All my vital functions had shut down. I was not declared brain dead (yet), but my family had been "prepped" by the doctors of my impending death. I had bloated to 170 pounds (normally 120); my skin was black and cold. The doctors could not draw blood because it had thickened. I was not aware of my situation. I was in the most beautiful place I have ever seen. I was near a beautiful blue lake that was as smooth as glass except for the two swans gliding through the water. At one end of the lake, a large (willow) tree leaned from the bank over the water. The grass was green and deep. The sun was a beautiful golden color and the smell was that of a warm summer day, sweet and relaxing. Then I heard the music. It was music I have never heard before, beautiful and "angelic.” I tried to distinguish the instruments, but I was unable to name them, and I realized the instruments did not have human names. Then the voices began, slowly at first, blending with the music until I could not distinguish the music from the voices. I wanted to grab my journal (that I kept beside my bed at night, so when I woke in the middle of the night with song lyrics in my head, I could write them down). I couldn't find my journal and realized that I was not supposed to relay this information to anyone else. This was something that only I was to experience. No voices spoke it to me but my "soul" understood (I don't really know what I mean by this but it is the only way I can explain it). After I realized I wasn't supposed to "explain" this to others, I realized that the music and voices were a lot like the wind in the trees, the kind of wind that isn't gusty, strong, or destructive but the kind of wind that soothes, caresses and nurtures the earth. ????

I was never afraid because I "felt" a "presence" always nearby to offer comfort but there was no discomfort. I felt safe and warm. It was as if I had been shown "what could be" and not to be afraid. During the weeks in CCU, I had many "dreams," all of which involved some decision on my part (do I ask the man in a car for a ride or should I walk?). There was always a decision to be made in my "dreams.” It was as if the decisions I was making were the basis on whether or not I would live or die. I don't really know how to explain it. I did not know until a month or so later that I was in a coma, dying. I thought I was always awake and alive, just like the day I went to the hospital. I have not told all here because it is so lengthy it would take weeks to narrate it all. But I remember very well. Can someone please help me with this? It has been three years since this happened and I have researched, talked, read. .. done everything possible to try to place some understanding of what happened to me into perspective. I believe what happened to me has gone beyond the boundaries of my religion and this is a journey I must make alone - I have to look beyond. Am I crazy?

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:38 pm:

The event happened one evening in 1983. I usually take an evening walk with my dog near my house in Bangalore, India. The houses are located within a fenced enclosure about half a square mile with about 40 houses at either end and open space in between. That day, I took a walk alone and it was a little later than my usual time. I walked to a big rock about 15-20 feet high and I stood on top of it. I thought later that it was a little unusual for me to do that. I used to practice yoga about 3 years prior to that event and I do it in a lying position. But that day I did that same yoga postures standing up on that rock, which was again very unusual. After a while, I saw a light slowly rising in the evening sky from the horizon and it stopped about 30 to 45 degrees angle to the ground in the westwardly direction. I noticed that there were three lights side by side. I remember that it changed in color from orange to white or vice-versa. The next thing I remember was that I was communicating with the light telepathically. The communication went as follows: The Light: “Do you want to come now?” (There was no hint of pressure, just a statement. I then immediately thought about my mother to whom I had deep affection, and other unfinished business. ) I: “No, Not right now.” (The thought just formed in my mind. There wasn't really a dialogue. But I knew the instance the thought formed then the light was able to know it) If I had thought affirmatively, then I am very sure that I would not have continued my life in this world. I can only speculate the course my life would have taken. After a little while, the light just faded away. I then awoke as if from a slumber. Just then a dog, not my own, gave a little startled bark, after which I became fully conscious of my surroundings.

I then broke into a run as I was filled with unknown energy. I remember a car passing by on the road that connected the two blocks of house. When the car passed by me, I felt that I was nearly ten feet tall and I was towering above it. When I reached my house, I just plopped on the sofa and went into a deep trance-like state. I remember that my father, who was an extremely short-tempered person and would go into a rage if anything is not to his liking, was just looking perplexedly at me plopped on the sofa. Normally, I would not be in the same room as he was, as far as possible. But that day, I was just filled with an over-powering energy and did not acknowledge his presence at all. After that day, a lot of extra-ordinary events did take place. I had an amazing ability to heal people even though I am not in close contact with them. The world would sometimes appear to be more colorful and bright. I could feel some radiant energy flowing all around me, especially from the trees, which appeared bright and dark-green. I could feel that I was connected to a mysterious source of energy which was all around me. Of course, the energy has diminished every passing day. But I was on top of the world a considerable amount of time after that event. I would also like to mention that I did not visit doctors for any ailments after that event until this day. I let nature heal myself, or in some rare cases, have taken alternative medicines. I believe strongly in the mind-body connection. I am also a strong believer in a universal God. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share this information. I have not shared this information with anyone, except my wife, so far.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:29 pm:

My mother was recuperating from a hysterectomy. While she was in the hospital for a week, I took care of my siblings. I did not eat properly, nor sleep like I should have while Mom was in the hospital; I was always anemic as a child. I believe this lead to my NDE. In 1967, I got up at 4 A. M. to help my mother prepare breakfast for my father who worked in the oil fields. Just as I was getting ready to put water into the coffee pot, I was suddenly overcome by extreme nausea that made me want to go lay down. Just as I was exiting the kitchen, my Mom was entering the kitchen.

I told her I was feeling very sick and then suddenly everything turned black. I was still conscious (I think) and I knew I was dying. I started calling for Jesus to not let me die. I was very frightened. Suddenly a small, bright light appeared far off and then it got closer to me until I was enveloped in this light. I felt so much love and peace. The light spoke to me and told me I was not going to die; that I just needed to go to sleep for a little while. I then started feeling extremely cold; I felt my soul or life leave my body. It floated from my feet, out the top of my head. I felt like I was floating upwards through the universe. It was very dark and I looked around to see if there was anyone else around me. I did not see anyone and I thought to myself "am I dead.”

Then suddenly I was back in my body. My father was holding me in his arms as I lay on the couch and was crying. My siblings were also standing around me. At the moment my soul was back in my body there was a yellow veil (that is the best way I can describe it) around my family. The yellow veil disappeared after a minute or two and I felt fine. That morning when the sun rose I went outside to sit and contemplate what had happened to me. Soon as I stepped outside I noticed immediately that the sky was so blue and more vivid than I had ever seen it, and the trees were so beautiful, and the green was also more vivid than I had ever seen. It felt like I was seeing the world for the first time. This experience left me happy and scared. Happy because I knew that Jesus was the light I saw, but yet I felt insecure about my life. I wondered if I would die again and there was so much life I wanted to experience. I also felt something extraordinary had happened to me. I was scared to tell anyone about this experience for fear they would think I was crazy. I could hardly believe what happened myself. I have always known somehow that my NDE was God's answer to a prayer that I had said a few months before. In my prayer I asked God to give me a sign that he was real and the Bible was the truth, otherwise I was going to commit suicide. I have had so many supernatural things happen to me since then. I feel like I am filled with love and compassion like Jesus and God is, and I also learned from my NDE that God is compassionate, and that Love is the most important thing in this life.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:28 pm:

When I was 7 ½, I experienced a trauma in my family and reacted by sitting in a chair and going into a deep state of letting go and had an out of body experience, I remember wondering “If this was an okay thing to do?” and then I just knew it was. Then I looked at the door of the room I was in to “see” if anyone was coming into the roo,m and I “knew” there was not. The experience lasted for a period of time which I cannot determine how long. Then I returned to my body. This became a habitual past time for me and I enjoyed the experienced very much and generally stayed in the room that I was in. Eventually, I decided to go out of the house and down the street to “see” what my friends were doing. I did not know how to do this except that I knew that I had to set my intention and then let go of my wants with regards to “going” any where.

Then I went into a deep meditation (which I did not know this word when I was young). Then I “went” farther and I cannot describe any thing about it except that it was darkish grayish and I thought that it went on forever, and I was going far far far and fast fast fast. I forgot about where I was going and just went along for the ride. I was aware of my form. Then I stopped because “I knew” someone knew I was there. I opened up really big and put all my instincts on edge, and then I saw something which I did not know what it was. I was not afraid, but incredible attracted to it. It was moving and undulating and flowing and powerful, incredibly powerful. When I grew up, I thought about how this looked very much like a nebula I saw pictures of, only with movement. I was incredibly attracted to it. I was breathless and drawing as near to it as I could. It was coming closer and closer to me and getting more and more powerful. I felt that I would go into it and it would consume me; I was not afraid, I wanted with all my being this to happen. Then I heard a woman’s voice say in the most gentle voice I have ever heard, “Far enough child!” Then a Light came from where I perceived the voice came from and it got between me and the “Thing.” I could still see the “Thing” and then the Light got thicker and thicker and covered the space between me and the “Thing.” Then I was in and surrounded by a pure white starlight bright Light. Before I could get my bearing, I saw a woman come out of the Light and then I asked, “Who are you?” and she said gently, “God.” I thought about how it was that Jesus was supposed to be God and this was a woman! So I said, “Naaahhhh”. She said, in an incredibly gentle voice, “Uh huh”. And I just knew she was. Then she asked me if I would like to sit on her lap and I thought, ”Golly, I better do it because I might never get another chance like this.” And so I did and we talked about a bunch of stuff, and that is when she asked me where I was going. I told her and then she said that it was okay to do what I was trying to do, but that it was “indiscreet” to do that without other people knowing you were doing it (going to see them when you were out of your body). I knew she meant that spying was impolite. And I thought, “Well, heck if you can’t be the invisible girl and go around peeking at what people were up to, what good was it?”

So I never had any out of body experiences again, because I thought they were useless. But I did go back to “Heaven” a number of times over the next year. It was always the same. I would sit in my favorite chair, a big overstuffed red mohair easy chair, and go into deep meditation and go see “Her”. After these experiences, I would cry and laugh and cry and laugh, because I was so happy to see her and be there and then cry because I was so sad to leave “Heaven”. Eventually she told me she would put me to sleep so I would forget her and not be there because “Many would follow the path to God and I was not to do this, I was to live life fully”. And I cried and cried and she comforted me and gave to me some “gifts.” I told her, “She could make me go to sleep if she wanted (I knew she could do anything!) but She could never never never make me forget her”, and I never did. I also knew that I would become very sick when I was in my early fifties and that I would rely on God to get through it and when that happened, I did. I had a series of near death experiences which are quite difficult to express. I also “grew up spiritually”, that is to say that prior to my fifties, I clung to a child’s interpretation of my experiences with absolute faith. Which I still have, but it is a much much more expansive understanding of "That which is.” And this is very tiring to write about and express and I cannot continue today, but if you are interested in more of my experiences I can try later.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:27 pm:

I must first tell you neither am I an experienced drug user, nor have ever used drugs in my life until recently - an experimental period, if you will. At any rate, I was drunk and decided to try the drug, ecstasy. That was a mistake. It must have a been an hour after the drug took effect that I had my experience. If I try to discuss it with my friends, they would tell me that I was hallucinating. I can tell you, I wasn't. I was sitting in my hallway trying to fight what was about to happen - I even managed to get a pad of paper and a pen to write down my experiences so I wouldn't forget them - I wanted to remember every emotion, every vision, every feeling I had. I was unable to write until after.

Darkness and silence filled my head and I could actually feel my heart stop. Cardiac arrest? I've never experienced utter fear and the possibility of total peace in one breath. If I could draw a picture - it would have to be illuminated - even the dark had an iridescent glow to it. In the middle of my view was a very bright, golden light - it was tall and narrow. To the right of the light stood four people. I couldn't see their faces; I just knew one of them was my Grandmother who recently passed away. She was the communicator. I get the feeling that another was a man and the other two were children. My Grandmother's voice was distorted, but peaceful and inviting. I was torn between going with them (the peaceful feeling) and the terrifying feeling of leaving my immediate family behind. Once I thought of my family, I panicked right away. I saw my Mother screaming and my sisters crying. Fantastic depression, even devastation, aren't strong enough words to describe how they felt - and I actually shared their grief. I felt so guilty, mortified, and ashamed of myself for dying. How could I leave my family like that? How could I leave them from doing a stupid drug? I refused to let them down. I started ignoring the light and saying, "No, no, no I am not ready to die. I am too young. I want to have a family. I want to live. Please, heart, start beating. I do not want to die.” I was begging God to let me live for a very long time. I remember breathing so hard to make my heart beat again. (I actually woke someone up out of a sleep.) Next thing you know, the light faded and it felt like something "sucked" me back into my body like a vacuum. All the sound came back. My surroundings were visible.

I just thanked God that I was alive and immediately started writing things down. Reviewing what I wrote - it scares me. I wonder if it was a life lesson - or a near death lesson. I did something stupid and irresponsible and it was God's way of showing me how my actions would affect my family. This is not a confession, but a true experience. My emotional status has changed. I seem to cry more than usual. I certainly think about this all the time. I'm just glad I'm alive and that other people have experience this too.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:26 pm:

When I was 28, I had just divorced an extremely abusive husband. He was abusive mentally and physically. My marriage had been a nine year nightmare. But he still wouldn't leave me alone. He would come around and force himself on me and I became pregnant. I already had three daughters to take care of and although I loved them dearly, I didn't want still another child to raise by myself. A friend had told me that if I took a certain substance it would make me miscarry. Not knowing how much to take, I had been taking strong doses of it all during the day. By bedtime, nothing had happened, so I took what was left and went to bed.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night sitting straight up in bed. A huge, round, white light was moving away from me until it became just a pinpoint in the distance. I got up and walked around a little bit thinking about the light, knowing I had not miscarried and was not going to, and feeling strangely happy. I went back to bed and slept until morning. Just the light is all I can remember of the experience, but I think I was told to have this child, or I decided to have the child on my own, or it was simply meant to be. But I began to look forward to the birth and felt a peace about it from that morning on.

I had a son and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him dearly. My whole perspective on life had changed. I had a deeper understanding of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I had never heard of NDEs or the light until years later when I began to read on the subject. As soon as I read about the light, I remembered that experience and was thankful that someone stopped me from doing what I had set out to do.

Another experience I had was in 1995. I had remarried and my husband became ill. His illness was fatal. He was a wonderful, kind and caring husband. During his illness, we became so close it was as if we were one. One week to the day after he died, I had gone to bed. When I was in that stage between waking and sleeping, I felt him put his arms around me from behind. I knew it was him; I knew I was lying in my bed in my bedroom. and I knew what was happening. I told him (in my mind) that I loved him so much and I was going to miss him so much. I felt him start to leave and I told him not to go yet, that I wasn't scared. And then I woke up. I lay there trying not to move. hoping he would come back. I knew what had just happened and I was so happy to know he still existed and I was more at peace about his death. I slept the rest of the night. I can remember every detail and will never forget it.

I hope this post isn't too long because I just remembered another experience. My younger sister (12 years younger) was having a baby at the age of 14. My mother was at the hospital with her and I was at work. I would call the hospital on my breaks to see how things were going. Having children of my own, I knew what she was going through and it was killing me. She was so young. The last time I called, my mom said it would be hours yet, so I went back to work. As I was sitting there, I felt a sense of relief and it was as if the sun had come out on a dark, cloudy day. I thought, "She has had the baby and it's over" and wrote down the time. And that was the exact time my nephew was born.

Thank you for letting me share my experiences with you.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:25 pm:

I was struggling with drug addiction. On this particular night I was in bed on my back experiencing the worst emotional and physical pain that I had ever known. I was a member of American Atheists and never prayed in my life. I called out "I can't take it anymore, I want to die.” At that moment, I felt something enter me and I began to be lifted out of my body. I realized that I was getting my wish and was dying. I panicked and spoke in my mind "Wait, I want another chance.” I was placed back in my body and the presence left, taking away all my pain, and leaving me with a sense of peace and comfort beyond words or experience. There was a flash of intense multicolored light in the corner of my room. I then drifted off into a peaceful sleep and woke up the next day knowing that there was a god.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:23 pm:

I had an accident involving head trauma led to an out of body/nde in 1989. During this experience, I believe that I experienced who I truly am - my higher self and its purpose. I felt connected to a powerful source - a oneness which is spiritual and more real than this bodily existence. I felt loved, understood, powerful and meaningful. I felt connected to all knowledge and had a sense of knowing about all life - past and future. I felt a most important purpose to my being both here and "there". I experienced a moment of clarity, which is living without fear or judgment, and how important it is to find this in ourselves - to be who we truly are. Following this experience my whole life changed - a wake up call - to get back on track. I formed a nonprofit organization, changed the direction of my life. I only want to experience, to learn, to teach, to love and to help. All other pursuits and details in life are hard to tolerate since this experience. I am concerned now about whether I am truly living up to my purpose and true self. I find myself wishing desperately for another connection to this experience. I have no fear of death - only of not living. Life in all form is the most precious and meaningful thing. I wish I could be more sure that I am doing all that I can to fulfill my purpose and to be helpful to all others. Hard to live in society as it is. Wish I were back in this experience.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:22 pm:

In 1998, I had a massive gastrointestinal hemorrhage due to acute liver failure. After 24 units of blood and near death, I walked out of the hospital. The 1st of April I was back in the hospital, with hepato-renal failure, sepsis, pulmonary hypertension, bilateral pleural effusions, hypoxemia, right heart failure with tricuspid valve regurgitation, on a ventilator, tubes in and out of my heart, liver, kidneys, stomach, and lungs. The doctors took me to the OR where a last ditch effort was attempted for a liver transplant. But the donor liver was found to be full of a fungal infection, so I was taken back to the ICU, in a coma, and given no hope for survival.

All of my family was called in; I was given last rites. While my brother prayed over my body I saw the most awesome and beautiful sight ever. I saw 100's of smiling faces, which were not man, nor woman, nor child. They had no facial hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and did not open their mouths. They spoke to me, as in telepathy. They wore free-flowing, multihued, iridescent robes, and each one floated to and fro in the space surrounding me. Each one was engulfed in a phosphorescent blue-green, shimmering aura. I saw no wings as depicted in Angel pictures. One face I focused on, told me I must go back, for the world still needed me. I remember these words, "Go back, and do not be afraid. Peace you will have, and Faith you will know. Remember the feeling of this moment, and of the Love between you and God. You will have the Wisdom from God, so go forth and live and tell this to all who will listen, for there are many souls who need to hear your words." Then the darkness descended and the Angels faded away into a brilliant white light.

As I opened my eyes, I remembered what I had seen and felt. I cried from the overwhelming feelings of Love, Peace, Joy, Hope, and Wisdom I had just encountered. I am no longer afraid of Death. Each day I look to God and "My Angels" for their guidance. I face each day with strength, determination, and the will to go on living. And I can always see that bright light at the end and smile: I AM ALIVE!! My family has filled me in on the time when I was comatose and had slipped away into death for a few seconds. My brother who was praying over me, knew I had "passed on", but immediately felt a tremendous power come through him just before I opened my eyes after my experience. It has brought our family closer together. I still have thoughts racing through my mind, visions I do not understand, and coincidences that are uncanny. I am not afraid of anything, I was [afraid] before this happened to me. My years of being a nurse had given me an insight to near-death and actual death, and I have many stories of those that I can share also. I cared for my father and my stepfather at the times of their deaths, so I have seen it on every level, but none so profound as my own.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:21 pm:

It was a weekend and I went to a club with my friends. In this club, we got MDMA-Pills (XTC) and I took two of them. After a short time, my trip started and I felt very good because it was a good trip. I felt happy and a strong feeling of love and being loved. After a short while a friend of mine and I decided to leave the club to smoke a joint in his car.

After smoking, some kind of "supernatural" force pushed me into the seat. As I opened my eyes, the surrounding out of the car had turned into a thick brown mass or slime. Then the interior of the car vanished and many voices seem to talk to me, but I could not understand anything. My mind, by the way was all clear. Suddenly I felt something strange, something like a warm flux in the near of my solar plexus. I left my body for a short while just to return into the body of a soldier lying in hole on a battle field. I felt a strong pain in my right leg. The first time I was really frightened because it seemed so real to me. Everywhere were dead bodies, explosions and shots of automatic guns. After a short while, I left this body to return to my own. My friend sat the whole time besides me and he told me that I explained every detail to him during this experience. Since that experience, I got visions of the future sometimes, which proved themselves to be real.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:19 pm:

It was a few months after my boyfriend had killed himself. I was devastated and suicidal myself. He had brainwashed me into believing that we should both kill ourselves to be in a better place together. When he left me to be alone, I felt I had nowhere to go but to where he was. I bought a package of sleeping pills from a drugstore, thinking that it would be enough to kill me. I suppose if I was "meant" to die or that I subconsciously wanted to, I would have cleaned out the entire aisle. I drove my car to the top of a parking deck and swallowed the pills with some soda. I leaned the seat back and stared out of my window at the sky above. It was a beautiful afternoon, and the sky was filled with big, puffy clouds. I must have laid that way for some time. My fingernails had turned yellow underneath. I don't know what this meant.

Soon after that, I began to feel very heavy and could not move. The only thing that I could do was move my eyes and continue staring at those clouds. After a while, I felt my mind drifting away and it was as if I was among those clouds. It wasn't an out-of-body experience because I could still feel myself in my car and surroundings. I just kept drifting higher and higher past the clouds. It seemed as if there was an entire society of clouds up there. I felt presences, though not familiar ones. They were many of them and they seemed just beyond reach, past more clouds. I couldn't see them and they were communicating to me that I wasn't allowed to see them. I had to go back because that was where I belonged. I didn't feel any overwhelming emotions of any sort. It was very matter of fact, like someone telling you something tactfully. These presences sent me back to my car and I felt like I was "waking up".

I became very desperate to get out of this emaciated state. I looked towards a door in the parking deck, hoping that someone would emerge to help me. I tried to scream but couldn't. What felt like an eternity had passed. I just lay there and tried like hell to gain strength to move again. I don't know how on earth I did it, but I drove home. I slept off the rest of the pills and woke up a new person.

That was my last suicide attempt. It truly changed my life. Even if I'm depressed at times, I have so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die now. In the black void of feeling that terrible, something tells me that it is my job to stay alive, no matter how crappy I feel sometimes. Before this experience, I believed that suicide was an easy way out and OK. Now I have instincts that I never had before, telling me that it is NOT OK and that my life is full of other choices. The trick is finding the right one to bring myself out of a depressed funk. There is so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die and that I seal my own fate. That makes me feel incredibly full of worth and gives me an enormous sense of hope.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:18 pm:

When I was a young boy, me and some friends were sliding down a muddy bank, racing each other. Unfortunately, the end of bank ran into a back road. On one of these burn ups, I overshot the slide straight into the road into the path of an oncoming car. The car was travelling at about 30 to 35 mph. The outcome was, as you can imagine, not a good day out. I sustained two broken legs, one upper and lower, two broken ankles, and a bad back injury. I forget now the extent of that. Anyway, I remember bits and pieces of the journey to hospital and initially at the hospital.

I have no idea of the time scale. but at some point during or after my operation, I had what I can only describe as a major happening. I was in total light, absolute light I had no body just my mind <me>. I felt totally at peace. Then it wasn’t a voice as such, but it was communication in my head that asked me if I wanted to move on from this place. I was in another place same as this but better. Or if I wanted, I could go back. I did not hesitate. I wanted to stay with this place whatever it was; wild horses wouldn’t make me go back. For some reason or another, that wasn’t the answer they wanted. To cut a long story short, I was shown things about my future people. I would meet people that weren’t even born (it’s very hard to express this in written form) and what I had in store if I went back. So never being one to miss out on anything, I came back over the years. I’ve had an inner feeling that I was going to be all right, no matter how bad things got, or whatever scrapes I got myself into. They would sort themselves out. I was going to have a good life, and up to now that’s been spot on.

I’ll just tell you of one thing that’s happened since the accident. That’s proof to me. About four years afterward, I was about 17, me and some of my mates were at a youth disco. We sat at this table and there were two rather tasty girls dancing in front of us. One of my mates wanted me to come with him and chat them up. I declined. For some unknown reason, I knew, I just knew, that one of the girls would be my wife, but now wasn’t the time. Not just a girlfriend, but without question, destiny said “wife.” I had seen her before and after many times. We were married 11 years later and have a beautiful 4 year old girl. What happened to me is not something I shout about. I’ve only told three people, but it happened. I don’t feel blessed or religious either. It was at the time and to me now, a totally natural experience

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:17 pm:

I was at the local sauna with my wife, when about three to four minutes into it I began to feel real funny. My left arm became numb, and I kind of knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately that I would pass out. We had been doing the sauna thing for about a year and I was used to going in. My wife got me out and started applying cold wet towels to my head. I had trouble standing so I sat down in a deck chair. It was at this moment that things really started to go. I remember trying to keep conscious with all my will, but I was slipping. At that moment according to my wife, I let out the last breath of air, what she described as the death rattle.

What I experienced at the same time was, one there was no tunnel, at least of what I remember. I suddenly found myself in a waiting area, it was like a room with no dimensions, but filled with the beautiful light that has no source. I knew immediately that I was in place that I knew from a before. It was like going home. I remember the vibration was at a much higher rate, and it felt as though for the first time in a long time that I was completely free. I distinctly remember looking at my right hand, which was almost like an outline of a hand, but with almost a sparkle type of cast to it. I guess it wasn't a hand in the traditional sense, but something more beautiful. I also remember saying, or more like thinking, "What the hell happened? I must have died." I did not want to leave this place; I wanted to stay even though I had been married only a short while. I did not meet any deceased loved ones, but I felt they were coming to greet me. I cannot put into words the joy that I felt in my brief stay, but I will surely try to paint it. When I came back, it was painful. I felt the gravity, the wet coldness of the tile floor, the slowdown of the vibration, all of the things that this plane has to offer. My experience is as vivid today as it was over nine years ago.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:15 pm:

I never could describe it, but from 1993 -1996, I created an 18"x24" collage that's about as representative. (That was before I discovered computers; I have now reworked it a bit digitally from the original, though it's relatively the same as before.) I don't seem to follow the typical NDE pattern which explains the (?) above. I had a seizure of some sort related to medication and was in intensive care unconscious for a couple days. They released me on the third day, with no DX, and that evening I had this epiphany or whatever. If anyone's curious I will email it via jpg format, but the telling of it leaves me speechless. I can only say I emerged with a total understanding of the machinations of the universe and the phrase, "love is the answer, communication is the key."

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:12 pm:

In 1971, I was in an accident that left me clinically dead on the operating table. Prior to this experience, I had no belief in God or an afterlife. I was the mother of three sons, one that had died after being hit by a car. My son died one month prior to my accident.

I remember going into surgery. All of a sudden I was unable to breath. I fought to bring air into my lungs, then I felt a burning through the middle of my body, like a huge rope being pulled through me at a hundred miles an hour. A loud piercing noise was in my ears, and all of a sudden I felt myself passing into another realm and feeling peace. I didn't need to breathe. I saw myself pass by my husband and two sons, they were crying because I had died. I didn't want to leave them, then I felt peace again. They would be alright. I passed by four people that looked very somber. I felt they knew something was wrong. I was moving down a dark tunnel past these people who I did not know. I saw a door with extremely bright light beyond it. As I got close to the door, I felt an overwhelming peace. Such Joy and the thought that "There is no God.” All of a sudden the rope tore through the middle of my body again and the loud noise. Then all at once I knew, there is a God. I knew! it more than just understanding, I knew it with all that I was, in a way I really can not describe. I just knew it. The word peace really doesn't describe how I felt, but is as close as I can get. Perfect peace. Joy, perfect joy. A desire to pass beyond the door. Then like the floor falling out beneath you, I fell. I felt my heart stop, like it does when you know you are falling. I fell into total darkness. As I was falling, I felt the pain of burning all over my body. I was falling and burning and I knew I had fallen into hell. I knew I had a lifetime to believe in God and that I had chosen not to. I knew it was too late to do that now. I would fall and burn forever. I could hear others screaming, as I was. Falling, burning. I knew that no one knew we were there. We were lost forever. There was no escape and this was for eternity. Forever and ever and ever. Falling, burning. I screamed for God.,”I believe in you God", but no one could hear my cries.

Then it stopped. I felt breath come back into my lungs. I woke up in the ICU with nurses and doctors feverishly working on me. I heard myself scream, and I wanted to go back to the peace. Back to God. Why had I come back here? I felt God speak to me. ”Bring as many people to me as you can.” Later, my husband came in the room and I was still crying out. I died, I died and there is a God. My faith in God was renewed that day and has grown ever stronger each day. I know there is a hell and I know that God does exist. I also know that mankind doesn't want to admit that God allows people to go to hell. He doesn't, we do. We have a choice, and as I see people everyday wasting precious time, I just ask. Please find out. Don't be fooled by the notion that all is goodness and light. Search for the truth, don't be lazy. Your eternity is in your hands. If you ask God, he will save you. But you have to ask. Cry out today and I know that God will answer you. That's called prayer.

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  By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:10 pm:

I was under anesthesia, surgery on my neck. I was in black, real black. Then I was at the end of the black space. Mother Mary was there. I didn't see her, just knew it was her. I said I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Then I was in front of Jesus. I could almost see him but he became so, so bright. He was sitting next to Mary; I felt was standing. Jesus said, “Would you die to work for me?” I said “ye, I would die to work for you.” Then Jesus said, “You would die to work for me?” I said “yes, I would die to work for you.” Then I was told I had to go back. I said “no.” They said I had to. I said no again. They said Joe and Alice needed me. I said “I don't care I’m not going.” Then I was being pulled backwards from my back. I passed my dad and nephew. I started to laugh and said “that's all it was it's so simple.” Laughing and crying because I had to leave the ultimate love [that] no words can describe. I knew I was home then and had to leave.

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  By Anonymous on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 02:41 pm:

I don't remember seeing the light, the other side, or a tunnel. I remember feeling a tunnel inside my lower belly while at the same time I could not move my body. I remember compassionate voices always trying to help me understand the rage of the mother.

These compassionate voices became my parents when no other being here on earth would listen to me. I remember being hated by everyone, so I think that I must have talked about hearing voices. I don't remember.

I remember someone wanting to move me to fourth grade from the second grade, but that did not happen. I remember drawing exceptionally well, but being hated for it. The strangest thing is that I don't remember why everyone hated me so much. This caused me to be alone all the time. I cried all the time. The first time I remember wishing for suicide was at the age of 12. A compassionate voice said to me that "there is something better ahead," so I did not kill myself, but that did not stop me from wanting to. My childhood was hell.

At the age of 26, a voice told me to go talk to a man walking down the street. He led me to my first metaphysical book--Living the Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith. After gaining goosebump after goosebump from this, I expanded to Edgar Cayce and the Seth books. I have read about 150-200 books on the new physics, channeling, angels, philosophy, and the mind/body effect.

After reading several books on instantaneous healings, I decided to practice prayer myself. I wished for it over and over, wondering what it would take to see an instantaneous healing, until one day I felt one. I saw a coworker fall down in agony holding his side. I called out to him to see if he wanted help. Then all of the sudden, I felt a huge quickening of my body. I must have been vibrating faster. I don't know what to call this, but I was different. I moved over to the man and put my hand on his side for a couple of seconds or minutes. Then the man jumped up, not in pain anymore. I was thrilled.

Your belief will heal you. The point of power is in the present. The Seth books are my favorite. I have tried healing myself, imagining wholeness several times since then with success. I have practiced with my son, Laughing, with success. I want him to know there is no such thing as a germ.

I want to go to the Hands of Light school in Florida because I want to be a professional. I want to teach everybody that we are all connected in a huge web of light and energy. I have read The Holographic Universe and Parallel Universes. Nobody has to talk me into believing in many levels of reality within this space right here and right now. Now is all there is. The spacious present.

Once I felt a light being enter my body and then say something inspirational. Twice I have felt small light beings close to me, like a child when I wake up; with the other one, I felt small foot prints walking away from me on my bed. I have never felt the temperature differences that people talk about.

I and my son live in section 8 housing with food stamps and TANF. I feel totally at a loss about how to get funding for an expensive school like the Hands of Light school. I have felt energy many times, in many ways. I feel like I am wasting away. I am overwhelmed at the energy I feel. I was not socialized as a child, so who am I going to talk to? Nobody understands NDEs or EHEs. There is not a support group in Austin. I have talked to many counselors. I have not found anyone that will even begin to understand.

I wish I was on the other side where there is unconditional love 100% of the time. I know I chose to be here, but I am stuck. I could go around wishing the best for everybody all the time, but I want someone to talk to, to be thrilled with. I need to share. I cannot find anyone to be thrilled with. Even people with Reiki certificates do not understand my thrill, the depth of the energy I have felt.

Help me not to feel so suicidal. I just want to go back home, or a Transpersonal school. I am so bored with Marketing classes at the local community college.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:14 pm:

In 1996, I was assaulted and left in critical condition. I don't remember any of this. It was just a normal Friday afternoon, and then I was on a gurney being held upside down, vomiting blood. I lost consciousness shortly after being put in the ambulance.

That's when I had my Death Experience. I purposely avoid referring to it as a Near Death Experience, because I have done much research on the matter. NDE's are most commonly characterized feeling the soul disconnect with the body, a tunnel of light, and seeing heaven, God, lost loved ones, etc. These sensations are easily explained both medically and psychologically. The soul leaving the body is a result of the combined effects of vivi-mortis and muscle relaxation, which occur when the function of the heart and lungs cease. Blood, like any liquid, naturally flows to the lowest possible point because of the pull of gravity, unless it is moved against gravity by a pump (the heart). When the heart stops, blood flows downward. This is vivi-mortis. People who have NDE's are commonly lying on their back receiving medical assistance, which is why they live to tell about their experience. Thus, the blood flows toward their back, creating a sensation of the flesh or body moving backwards. As the lungs cease functioning and the diaphragm relaxes one exhale, creating the sensation of an inner force moving forward. The combined sensations (the body moving backward and an inner force moving forward) result in the feeling that the soul is leaving the body. The tunnel of light effect is caused when the muscles relax and the eyes open and the pupils dilate. One sees a blackness or fogginess surrounding a bright point of light, which grows as the irises relax and the pupils dilate further. At this point, one is aware of one's own demise. We learn though experience and the only way we know of death, beyond the idea of death, is through our experiences of death, i.e. those that we have been close to that have died, and our religious beliefs of what happens when one dies. Hence we see lost loved ones and heaven (or hell), and possibly God.

I experienced none of these things. I was alive one moment and the next I was not. I knew this because I was no longer in my body, though I wasn't floating above it or traveling through a tunnel of light to heaven either. It is impossible to describe what I did experience because there are no words or concepts in the real world that match. The best I can do is say what I know about it and what it felt like. I was in a place that is no place. It was the center of all places, at once outside the known universe (or our understanding of it) and encompassing the entire universe. There was no time in this place. Every moment of history and the present and the future were unfolded before me as one monumental event starting with the creation of the universe and ending, well that has since been blocked from me in such a way that it hurts to try to remember. I experienced something entirely impossible and indescribable, sensation without perception, or awareness without sensation. There was no hot or cold, or light or dark, or movement or lack thereof. There was only awareness. Of everything. I knew every thought and every idea that every person had ever had or would ever have. These were like voices (though there was no sound, so how could they be voices) overheard in a crowded restaurant, but I could distinctly hear and follow each conversation all at once without any one distracting me from another. Then all of that faded away, and there was one emotion, the only one I experienced through the whole event: peace. Complete and permeating peace. The total lack of all emotion, sensation, and thought. All things exist in contrast with their opposites; without darkness, there can be no light and vice-versa. No hot without cold, no pleasure without pain, no love without hate. This is the way we experience the world, through perception of varying degrees of opposites. This is the curse of man, that we enjoy the summer only because we know the winter is coming, we love and are loved because we hate and are hated. And because all thing are known only though contrast, we never know peace unless all these things have been erased, which is only possible through the death of or bodies and the end of our perception and experience and knowledge.

This event (for it wasn't an experience) lasted the smallest fraction of a second and also the entire existence of the universe. I drifted in eternal peace. Then I heard the voice or VOICE of God, at once as relaxing as sleeping late on a Saturday morning and waking to the sound of birds chirping outside the window and the soft scent of lilacs and roses carried on a gentle early summer breeze and the warm sun shining on your naked body and as powerful and frightening as lighting striking the very foundation of the building in which you are standing.

"It is not your time to be here, but you may stay if you chose. I have work for you if you choose to return." I didn't want to leave, but when the VOICE speaks, you obey. I know I was given a choice, and I chose the pain and misery of earthly life over the absence of all but peace. I sometimes wonder about that choice, but I think I made that choice long before it was put in front of me. I know I have work to do, that's why I came back. I just hope I am ready when the time comes.

I woke up on a gurney in the hospital where doctors were explaining to my mother that I would probably die in the coma I was in. They didn't know how I could still be alive. I sat up and was pushed back down because they thought I was having a seizure until I spoke. I was asked a barrage of questions like "Do you know what day it is?" and "Do you know who the president is?" and asked to count to ten numerous times which I did in four different languages. The questions stopped. My skull had been fractured and my head resembled a large misshapen pumpkin. I had three broken ribs, bruised kidneys, spleen, and liver. I was bleeding internally and the doctors didn't know where yet. I said I was going to go to sleep but not to worry I would walk out of the hospital in less than twenty four hours. I then closed my eyes and consciously healed myself. I could feel what was wrong with my body and where. I could redirect blood flow and nutrients to areas that needed it and away from areas that were bleeding. I could will my flesh and bones to grow back together. When I had a CT scan ran the technicians ran another because the readings were so strange. There was no brain damage whatsoever, which was considered impossible given the extent of my injuries and how long my brain had been without oxygen while I was clinically dead. Also there was a never before seen high delta wave reading that could only be explained if I had experienced REM sleep (and even that was a stretch) even though I was conscious and talking the whole time. That night I woke up at one point to see my doctor sitting in a chair in my room. I told him he could go tend to someone else if he needed, that I was going to be fine. He said, "I know, but what’s happening to you is unbelievable. You should be dead. I can't turn my back on a miracle. God is allowing me the opportunity to witness this and I just can't walk away." I later found out that his daughter had been in a car accident and had similar injuries. He had been questioning God and he thought what was happening to me before his eyes was God's answer that He was still here. I was admitted to the hospital at 2:17 PM and released at 1:44 PM the next day. They said there was no explanation for my recovery, but there was no reason to keep me any longer. I was supposed to see my doctor every two weeks for the following six months to track any long term effects of my injuries. After the first physical and the tests, the doctor sat down in the exam room and sighed. I asked him, timidly, what was wrong and he said "Nothing. Just that, nothing. There is nothing in my medical training or experience that can account for your recovery." He explained to me how bones heal. That the immune system goes crazy making new bone and there is a large knot of bone where there was a break. This is eventually dissolved over time, but the process takes months and sometimes there is a permanent enlargement of a bone that has been broken. He said after two weeks he couldn't tell that I had even had one broken bone, let alone three ribs and two in my skull. "All I can say is 'Do you believe in God?'"

The event drove me crazy. I really believe that. I experienced things completely outside the realm of human understanding. I heard the voice of God, which believe me, human beings weren't made to hear. I looked everywhere for the peace I had experienced. I tried drugs, different religions. I started to study physics and biology to try to find a logical explanation for the things that happened to me. I believed that it was all just some grand hallucination. You see I was raised in a Pentecostal church, very fundamentalist and very strict. When I began to ask questions, I was turned away, told my faith was weak, just because I couldn’t accept everything I was told, even when I knew these things were untrue, such as the earth being only six thousand years old and Buddhists being evil. I was told that it was a medical fact that males had one less rib than females because Adam's rib was used to create Eve, and I was told this by a nurse of all things. There is a story in the bible of God making the sun stand still in the sky for a whole day. I was told that scientists had calculated all the days since the beginning of time and there was one less than there should be. And so rather than accepting lies as medical, mathematical, scientific and historical facts, I had turned to atheism. I had found no truth in religion and now all my beliefs had been put in dispute.

I eventually accepted what happened to me as a medical and psychological phenomenon that just had yet to be explained. Until September 11, 2001, that belief held. Around six that morning a friend of mine made a remark about how beautiful the sky was. Surprising him and myself both, I remarked, "Yeah. It's a pity so much death will come out of it. Then I went home and watched death come out of the sky on CNN. In the Bible, when a prophet or wise man heard a message from God, he never gets right to work. He goes "into the wilderness" for "forty days and forty nights." In other words, "we don't know what happened to him or how long he was gone." Maybe my forty days and nights are over. Maybe sharing my experience and the revelations I have had, and the conclusions it has brought me, is the work I am supposed to do. Or maybe not. Either way, I have retuned from the wilderness and have brought back a message.

There is a way we can know peace in this life. It cannot be found in and religion being practiced today, for they are all to far from the truth. The truth in all religion, the foundations of all religions, the message we choose to ignore no matter how religious we think we are, is that there is one sin that is the root of all sin and three virtues that are the root of all virtues, are in fact the only virtues. Pride is sin and all sin is pride. It is the root of all suffering and ills of mankind. Through pride we reduce others to serve our will. Through pride we divide humanity. Though pride we conquer, destroy and subjugate people and nature. Through pride we kill each other, and through pride we die.

Patience, humility and compassion are how we know and spread peace. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the light." Patience is the way through which all things come to pass. Humility is the truth that we each are no greater than any of God's works, no matter how small. Compassion is the light of peace shining through us, illuminating the world around us.

God created us all in his own image, and that means we likewise have the ability to create. We have created murder and suffering and pain. We have created hell. We can continue this trend or we can abandon pride and learn to act with patience, humility and compassion and create heaven on earth, experience peace in this life and in the next, rather than subjugate ourselves to an eternity of rebirths in this hell we have made for ourselves. This is our choice. We make it each day. Just as a recovered alcoholic chooses each day not to drink or to become a practicing alcoholic again, we can choose patience, humility, and compassion, or death destruction, and pain.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:01 pm:

I remember being in the top right hand corner of a large room in a hospital. I was up near the ceiling, looking down. My vision was very sharp, I could "hear" people in my thoughts, almost intuitively. I had no other senses, only this eyesight and thought-communication TO me (I did not feel that I could "talk" to the people standing around below me.)

I felt totally calm as if "this was meant to be" . I had no concerns or worries or thoughts of the "me that was before" or "my family left behind". I felt wonderfully at peace and happy. I had no sense of a body, I never felt the urge to look at my hand, for instance. I had no yearning to be anything than what I was, up by the ceiling.

Looking down, I could observe about 5 people in hospital gowns and masks, they were working on someone on a table or stretcher or some such. I knew instinctively that it was "me", but I did not see myself, only the doctors. It was all in color, they wore blue.

Suddenly, I was in TOTAL darkness, going upwards, a gliding feeling, at an angle similar to the steepness of an escalator, perhaps a bit steeper. I felt calm, at no time was I afraid. I had no sense of sound. Only darkness and a feeling of peace.

Then, high up, directly in front of me, as I was gliding upwards, a "door" opened, or rather, a rectangle of light "opened". No light spilled out from this "door" into the darkness that I was gliding through. The light stayed inside. It was VERY bright, but it did not hurt my eyes, I had no sense of blinking or being blinded by coming from total darkness to seeing this light. There was no sense of heat coming from the light.

In the light, there was a "person”, because no light escaped from the "doorway". This body was in shadow, so I could not make out any features, other than the shape. It was human, as it had a head, arms and legs, but I did not see the outline of a hairstyle, so I have no idea if it were male or female.

I was SO blissfully happy to see the light, I felt pulled to it. I was TOTALLY at peace and overjoyed. I was still gliding upwards towards this door of light, but still far away, I would estimate 200 feet away, when the person moved its arm and began to close the door, the light was then just a strip of light with the arm of the person outlined (the door swung inwards toward the person as it closed it).

I felt extreme sadness ...but just for a split second. Then I felt total acceptance with this "door closing decision" that was not my decision. I do not remember anything more. I do not remember being back in my body. I always have this "inner peace" that is part of me now. This is the first time I have recounted this experience. I thought people would think I was nuts! I don't mind sharing this with your researchers, as I think it's important that we as people should learn from one another and help each other.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:00 pm:

This is the very short version. The major experience(s) lasted close to eight hours. I put this into a NDE category for lack of a better classification.

The experience itself appears to be drug (biochemical) induced from a degraded antibiotic (found later) combined with exposure to certain substances that I was working with in the lab.

The initial effect of taking the antibiotic was memory enhancement and "clarity of thought". For example, after taking the antibiotic for about a week, I did some math problems from an old college math book and had no difficulty doing the problems, seemed to be so simple, and even remembered which problem had the wrong answer in the back. This from being away from the subject for more than twenty years.

Mind processing speed increased dramatically but I didn't feel like I was bouncing off walls, but rather it seemed like it took substantially less time to find an answer to a problem. A good estimate was that my brain was operating at about the speed of a ten year old. I didn't notice any difference in my maturity level.

I also noticed that I would at times have a totally different perspective on certain issues which don't have clear cut answers. For example, I was watching a hockey game on TV when a fight broke out. I felt this was totally unacceptable behavior and something should be done to eliminate the level of violence in the sport. On the other hand, I've played and coached the sport so I am familiar with what precipitates those events.

Prior to the near death type experience I had a momentary auditory flashback of an event which apparently doesn't seem to fit anywhere. It was about two seconds in length. At this point I decided to lay down and find out what may be going on.

After a minute of being relaxed in bed, I'm seemed to be able to enter an altered state of consciousness. I was cautious but also curious as this was something new. I found that after a few tries that I could slip in and out of this state.

When in this altered state I found that this appears to be the "tunnel" and I had started to explore this structure. What I found interesting is that this tunnel appeared to have some sort of walls or barriers and that it only seemed to be something that I could move through, forward or backward.

Moving forward I was able to see this "light" but never was able to approach it. The color of the light was on the order of a yellow/white which also illuminates that part of the tunnel, but the entrance to the tunnel was dimly lit and had more of a self-illuminated blue/gray color.

I had played with this for a while because it seemed to be some area that I could maneuver around in. I was totally aware and awake during this whole experience. In this tunnel I also found some structures which appeared to be memory files. This is difficult to explain and the best description is that they appeared to be structured in the form of bar graphs one placed behind the other throughout the entire length of the tunnel. These bar graph type memory files also seemed to have unusual properties and definite boundaries.

I wasn't very sure initially what these structures were because they seemed to be existent without function. But I had this ability to move up and down the tunnel ,and had noticed that one of these thin bar graph structures was enhanced or excited in some fashion. On examination, I found that this apparently consisted of a memory file which had a certain amount of information which contained events on the order of three to five minutes in length. The best description in reading the file was that somehow I had the ability to slip between one of the bar graph files and another. I had done a little experimentation in this area and was able to get other files to highlight and view the contents of those files. This then appeared to me as awake "memory" where all experienced events are stored.

From my experience at this point, this appears to be the "tunnel" of the NDE and why some people see their life pass before their eyes, because the awake memory files are stored within such tunnel.

This exploration of the tunnel lasted about two hours at which point I took a break and then went back into this altered state because I felt that I may have missed something. I did re-explore the tunnel and found an "opening" on one of the walls. This seemed to go into a void, and with some cautious entering and exiting, felt comfortable to look into this further. When in this void, I found another structure in the distance.

This structure had the appearance of a curved knobby horn, and it took a while to find the access points. There appeared to be various areas on this horn which seemed to be highlighted similar to those of the awake memory files, and also seemed to have been structured in a similar fashion. The only difference being that the memory files appeared to be in a mirror image compared to the other files. On examination of the files, they appear to be past-life memory files which contain events of past lives. I didn't have access to all the files which were quite numerous because only certain files where in this enhanced state. Details spared for brevity.

After exploring this I then took a look around and found another interesting structure near the horn like past life memory files. This appeared to be something like a stack of cubes, one on top of another, in a fashion to that of an elevator shaft. I had found access to the top cube which also has this layered structure, but didn't notice anything except "me". I then tried to access the cube underneath this and found it to be highly repulsive in nature as it seemed to be full of hate and anger or some state that was very unpleasing to be in. Only by partially accessing this state was I able to determine that the top cube state was "me". I'm not sure if this state is normal or this may be some implanted entity or could be the "original sin". It could also be a defense mechanism. I got the feeling that the other "cubes" were related to the past life history files in some way. And this might be the answer to the multiple personality syndrome.

All of this occurred in the evening and it was bed time. I laid down and very quickly found myself in this altered state of consciousness, but at some different level as the void in this case seemed to be diffusely lit in the yellow/white coloration. And I had noticed in the far distance a point of light which approached very quickly and manifested itself as a "human" being. He seemed to be about 5-11, slightly heavy build, shoulder length dirty blonde hair, beard, moustache, a little self-illuminated, and dressed in a very phosphorescent sky-blue robe. I had asked him his name and he told me it was Mogarth, and I had asked him what he wanted, and he said that he was to show me the "secrets of the universe", if I wanted to.

I didn't feel threatened at any time, but I also wasn't sure I was going to die either. I agreed to his offer and immediately lost consciousness. I do remember traveling to some place because this took time and certain things were pointed out to me as we traveled. I think there were times that I had regained some partial "awakeness". I do remember meeting other spiritual beings like him, but I don't remember their names. I had spent about two hours in this state and got quite a tour, but I remember very little of it. I was told to do a few things when I came back, of which [some] have been accomplished. I was also told about this "End of the World" scenario, and this seemed to hinge upon the inability of the human race to continue itself because of some disaster (nuclear) which puts all the souls destined to be reincarnated in a state of limbo. This also had something to do with this unusual personality state which I was told is the cause of all the world's problems.

After going through this experience I found myself to be less materially aggressive, maybe a little more spiritual and a little less religious, and more understanding of other people's point of view.

One very interesting thing is that last year I found a book, Golden Game by Kosslowski de Rola, in which I found my "spiritual being" and probably a good picture of a portion of this tunnel, along with such memory files, and a few other tidbits. Coincidence? Or maybe all this has been experienced in the past.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:57 pm:

I remember before I went to sleep that night before I experienced NDE, all I did was clean the house ‘til early hours and told my Mum how much I loved her before I went to bed.

I felt this power lift me from my bed while I was in a deep sleep, and remember a man dressed in black saying it was my time. I couldn't make out what he was trying to point at. Next thing I know, I was rushed into a black tunnel, and I was traveling with the speed of light in darkness. I remember there was a tiny light; at the end of the tunnel, I reached this light. It was a feeling I can’t explain: love warm, a feeling that I have never felt before; the light was so bright it was white love. Before I knew it, St Virgin Mary was there holding a baby who I believe is Jesus. I then realized where I was and made sense of where I was. Peace, love: I will never forget is feeling the radiation of His love. I asked her why I was here; she replied it’s your time; you have finished your goal and its time to come through.

No matter how much I loved being there, I thought of my mother and how I couldn't leave her to cope with my death with her heart problems. I asked St Mary if I could go back, she replied 'no'. I told her I couldn't stay here and that it was best for me to go back. I remember I was waiting for her reply for ages; it was like she was thinking. Next thing I know, I felt the speed of light coming back to my body, and I woke up with a pounce. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe I was back home. I ran to my mother’s room and held her so tight, and told her I will never leave before she does. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her my experience.

Since this experience, I can’t believe how much my life has changed. I have looked at life in a different light, and that we are all here for a test. I have also found my destiny, have found a good job, and I am coping with problems much easier.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:54 pm:

I had a Death Experience in August of l993, when I successfully committed suicide at the age of 36. So this is why I don't call it a NDE. I had grown up in a very verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually abusive household in spite of the fact that my father was an ordained, licensed minister of the Christian faith. I was sexually assaulted in the U.S. Army by a superior during my tour of duty as a nurse. I also was assigned to work under his supervision, after the fact, for over two years. There was a great deal going on in my life at the time, being a newly divorced single mother of two beautiful children, and being militarily trained as a combat medic and then a combat practice nurse. My children's father was a policeman and was abusive to us all, during and after the marriage broke up. It was a very difficult time for us all.

I psychologically "blocked out" most of the events of the "rape" due to all of the other incredulous responsibilities I carried at the time. When I was finally finished with my obligation, I returned to the civilian sector and worked in gainful employment as a nurse. Approximately l9 months after my discharge, I later found out this was clinical textbook PTSD, I killed myself by a drug overdose. I went about my house and ingested every type of pill I could get my hands on. I guesstimate the quantity to have been close to l l/2 cups. I remember thinking to myself how I was astonished that they all went down so easily. That was around 0800 hours. I then went about the house to tidy it up and then tidied myself up with a shower. I shaved my legs, washed my hair, curled my hair, put on make-up, ironed some clothes, put them on, wrote a note, and then lay down on my bed to die. I recall that I knew my husband of one month was coming home at his lunchtime at give me my truck so I could go to work later that afternoon: at the Dept. of Corrections … Facility for the criminally insane. It gave me the bee-gee-bees working there with all the murders and child molesters.

Anyway, I recall thinking to myself that I would "hang on" until he came home and then I would "give up the ghost." (I have such incredible amends to make to him and my children and my parents for my actions.) The last thing I remember is hearing the truck pull up in the driveway out in front of the house, and then hearing the front door open and close as he entered. I thought to myself, "Now I can give up the ghost." And so I did. My spirit exited my body in the region of my upper chest/head and there was a gray type of fog/smoke surrounding my new spirit body. I began ascending through the bedroom ceiling and out above the roof top. I was so absorbed in this new world. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm dead. I'm in the world/existence that follows the physical one on Earth." I felt weightless, not just in the physical sense, but also in an emotional sense. I was aware that I was no longer in the emotional pain that had overtaken my life. I was in such a state of peace. I recall looking at my lifeless body that lay on the bed as my spirit ascended. I felt no regret. I did feel empathy for the pain that she/I had been in and then felt relief from that pain and peaceful as I "floated" upward and around the ten acres that our house rested on. The beauty of the natural settings: the wooded areas, the fields and the neighbor’s livestock. I felt "one" with them all. I "heard" them talk to me and I "talked" right back: a telepathy. Even the trees and blades of grass spoke to me. "See how beautiful and perfect we are. All we have to do is grow and exist and BE. We are all 'one'.” I "knew” that this way the way life was meant to be: perfect, flawless, complete and in harmony.

I "floated" about for some time and then I recall thinking that I wanted to go see what was going on in our house below. My husband had dragged my lifeless body onto the living room floor and was performing CPR to it. I felt no sadness; just "matter of fact.” Then his best friend arrived, relieved my husband, and began CPR on my body while my husband rushed through the house trying to find the empty bottles of what I had ingested. (My husband and his best friend were active duty … combat medic and nursing instructors.) I had returned all the empty bottles of medicines to their original places so it would be difficult for them to figure out what I had taken. I did not think about the pain I was bringing to others. I only wanted to end mine. This was not a cry for help. By being a nurse, I knew exactly what I was doing: I intended to succeed. And so I did. I recall the ambulance arriving at the house: I watched from above as I "floated" about in the sky and followed the ambulance that carried my lifeless body to the nearest hospital E.R. I watched as they arrived at the hospital and took my body inside to the E.R. staff, as the police cars came, talked to my husband and his friend: it was chaos. I felt THEIR frustration, fear, and pain and I remember wishing that I could convey to them all that they didn't have to feel all those horrible emotions: I didn't feel them in MY spirit any more; only PEACE and RELEASE FROM ALL PAIN. I wanted my loved ones to feel this same FREEDOM that I was now a part of. I continued to "hover" over the scene and I recall the doctor, after getting the report from the EMTs wanted to "call it" but my husband stepped in, refusing that diagnosis/prognosis and took charge of the "core.” The staff just stood around watching him, and then looked to the doctor in charge to say/do something. The E.R. doctor then took over agreeing to keep working to bring me back.

The next thing I recall was leaving the hospital and "flying" upward (kind of like Sally Fields in The Flying Nun) over the trees, rivers, valleys and mountain tops. I went higher and higher, all encompassing the entire Earth. I then was aware that I was being "drawn" or "pulled" to beyond the realm of Earth. I passed the clouds. The Earth was so beautiful below. (Even the most colorful photos of the Earth, that have been taken from outer space and then sent back, could not compare.) It was wondrous, this new world. I had a "new body,” so to speak. I had a head with large dark eyes, no ears, nose or mouth to speak of. I had a body with arms and legs resembling the physical body on Earth, but yet somehow very different. This new spiritual body was translucently white, but then again, it wasn't. It's so hard to describe. It "glowed" or "radiated" such light. It was not subject to gravity of the laws of physics that I had known while on Earth. If I wanted to go somewhere, I didn't use my legs to get there. I simply thought of where I wanted to go, and there I was. I could not "speak" or "hear" like the physical body, but I could "speak" and "hear" just the same. It was like telepathy. I could "hear" everything "speak" and I could do the same. I "knew what the people on Earth below were thinking and feeling without even being near to them. I automatically "knew" things and accepted this without fear or hesitation: it was normal for this new dimension I was now in. I felt myself being "drawn" upwards and left the Earthly realm. I "flew" past the moon, the other planets and the sun. It was awesome. I continued upwards into outer space where the sky was very black and stars were everywhere.

Then I found myself approaching this dark tunnel, which I can equate with what I think a black hole would look like. I was drawn to it. There was a definite entrance, yet the boundaries of this tunnel seemed to just blend in with space that surrounded it. I entered this black tunnel and continued to fly through it. There were many small colored lights twinkling in the "interior walls.” I "knew" these were "spirits" of some sort observing my arrival. I felt no emotion, just the same "matter of fact" acceptance of all this new world that I was experiencing. I flew through this tunnel for a bit and then I was aware that I was approaching this tunnels "exit.” It was the same as the entrance: there was a definite finish to it, but the borders at the exit just seemed to blend into space. It sounds like a contradiction, but it was, once again like a black hole. Upon exiting the tunnel, I found myself "floating" in space once again. But this space was different. It was the darkest black I'd ever seen and there were no stars or other planets or sun: nothingness. No warmth, no cold. No other presence; total aloneness and void. I was without any stimulus whatsoever. I was alone with myself and my own thoughts. I remember asking myself, "What is this place? It's the absence of everything that originates or that's related to GOD: no light, no nothing."

I then became "aware" of the unseen presence of a "guide" for lack of a better explanation, but there was no communication between us. I then saw to my right at a slight distance, a light which was orangish-yellowish-reddish. It was surrounded by the shape of a doorless archway and the colors I could now see were the illumination of flames. There was this shadowy figure standing there in front of the flames in the doorless archway. There was also a type of "table" which led into this place of flames. (I would describe this table as not burnable, but cold and hard. It acted as a type of "conveyor belt" for "bodies" that were to be delivered into the flames. I equate it with the rolling table in the refrigerated compartments in the morgues that dead bodies are placed into awaiting disposition.) I still felt no fear or danger or dread. It was all just a matter of fact. I still had PEACE. I "knew" this place to be the Gateway of Hell: the absence of God and the torment of one's own consequences. It was at this point that the "guide" that I "knew" was there (but had been without any communication with "him”) "spoke" to me. He told me that this is a place of fear: a place without the presence of GOD: hell. He told me that because I had no fear, even in the very act of killing myself and going onto the unknown next dimension, that this place was not where I would go. I was only to be shown it as a "warning or know ledge" to those who live in fear.

The next thing I recall is "floating" below the white ceiling tiles of the E.R. and observed the medical staff still working on my lifeless body. The doctor in charge was giving orders to the other staff: I.V.s were put in, CORE drugs administered, my clothing had been cut away, and electric cardiac shock treatments were being readied to deliver to my chest. It was after the doctor yelled "clear" and the moment the shock was administered, I was back inside of my body. I felt the incredibly powerful surge of electricity radiate through every part of my physical body, from the tips of every toe to the tips of every finger, and to the very ends of each strand of hair on my head. It was not painful, just so powerful. I remember hearing with my physical ears, the doctor, the other medical staff and my husband at my side. I began having tonic and clonic seizures. I recall thinking to myself, "I'm posturing which is indicative of major brain damage. But I can still hear everyone." I could not feel any physical sensations, however. I recall the doctor yelling at me. Apparently, he was trying to intubate me, but I was very combative and would not hold still. I heard my husband tell the doctor to instruct me to hold still so he could put in the trach tube, and do it like a superior in the Army giving me a direct order. The doctor did so, I heard his order, held still and he was then able to get the trach tube in.

That's the last thing I remember in my physical body at that point. I apparently, "coded" on them once again. I remember rising out of my body for the second time, and saw my body laying on a gurney all hooked up to life support equipment. They said that they didn't know where to put me. I was being kept alive by the life support equipment, but they supposed I was "brain dead" and were going to do EEGs to find out for sure whether or not there was any brain activity left. I heard them talking as I floated around the room where I was. They, the doctors and my husband had agreed to placing me in the SICU, do tests, and keep me alive long enough for my daughter to fly in to see me, and say goodbye, should the EEGs come back with a flat line as they anticipated. (I have so much to make amends for to my loved ones somehow, someway.)

My husband and I, my daughter and I, have never discussed this series of events: I had no memory of my DE or all that had happened until just recently, and my daughter, to this day refuses to discuss it. In fact, she will not even speak to me to this day. I am paying the consequences of my actions here in this life. I pray that someday she will forgive me. It has taken my living ten years in hell on Earth, a hell of my own making, and another suicide attempt, another conversation with God after my second suicide, to make me "see" the TRUTH. My husband and I broke up and divorced. It was too much for him, as well. I pray that he will someday forgive me, too. Not for my sake so much, as for his sake and my daughter and son, for their sakes. "Forgiveness is the best gift that we can give to ourselves.” Lack of Forgiveness, I've realized, just poisons those who refuse to "let it go,” and continues to affect our lives in a negative way until we do forgive. Forgiving sets US free. If others choose to hang on to the hurts and resentments, they sentence themselves to an existence based on fear not only in this life, but also in the next life you are given, and the next, until they learn. I'm learning, finally, to Forgive others. It matters not whether or not they receive this gift that we offer. What matters is that we choose to free ourselves from the bondage that goes with the lack of Forgiveness, or the lack of LOVE, or the lack or Mercy, or Compassion, or whatever act of fear that we hang on to. (I've gotten off my story line. OOPS.)

The next thing I remember is my spirit being "drawn" upwards again. I recall such a bright, bright light which permeated everything. I felt such a "weightlessness" again, and not just a physical weightlessness, but one of such a carefree, without a worry or doubt or pain or torment. I then "heard" this very, very, very loud noise: it was almost deafening, so to speak. I can equate it with the noise of the gigantic turbines I saw and heard once on a tour at Hoover Dam. Combine that with what I equate with the vibration and frequency of a large tuning fork. The noise penetrated everything. I got used to the noise, it seemed, because I recall seeing this brightly lit tunnel with concentric circles in it with alternating colors of soft pastels of aqua-blue-green and a pinkish-peachy-coral and solid white. It drew me into it and I felt such PEACE and LOVE. It was beyond wonderful. I traveled into this tunnel of Light and all around, in the "interior walls" were many small colored lights twinkling. I "knew" they were "spirit" of those who had gone on before and were there joyously welcoming me. I saw them standing there as I journeyed through the tunnel. I saw their faces. There were so many. I "knew" them; they were all very "familiar" to me although I didn't recognize their new "faces.” I could "hear" them all talking: they were welcoming me "home.” Then I recall coming to the "end" of the tunnel to the brightest bright I'd ever known.

Next, I was walking with this "friend" who was clad in a long white gown/robe. He was beautiful. He had hair of gold and he shone of PURENESS, LOVE, WARMTH and LIGHT. We walked together, side by side, on a green grass, with a pond as clear and blue as glass. In the pond were ducks and white geese swimming about without a care. The sky above was the softest, purest, warmest blue without a cloud in it. There were these amazing butterflies and birds flying about singing the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard: it was indeed Paradise. He and I "talked" and walked for some time. He told me that He and all there knew why I had taken my own life and there would be no judgment or penalty for my deed: all was forgiven. He told me that I had no right to take my life, or any life, however. Only GOD had the authority to give and take a life. He explained how life was sacred and was to be cherished. He told me that I was welcomed there by all and was Loved by all unconditionally. He further explained that it had not been my time to die or come "home,” yet. He said that I had not completed by mission. He told me that I was to be given the choice of staying there, or returning to finish my tasks. He then led me to what I shall call the "chamber" of a crystal palace. (The crystals were magnificent. They were more than just decoration or part of the architecture; they were somehow "alive.” They didn't move about, but they "spoke with a knowledge.” The room of this chamber was so bright. There were many "others" in the room all radiating their own and yet a common LIGHTNESS. They were all very large and dressed in white gowns/robes. Their hair shined like gold. They acknowledged me, welcomed me and "spoke.” We then were all shown the review of my entire life: every thought, every word, every action I had during my lifetime on Earth as Gayle. It was complete although it seemed to pass before on the close to l80 degree screen at a very, very rapid rate. Almost in the blink of an eye, I would say. All was "known" by all. All was "understood" automatically by all. There was only Pure LOVE present. I felt no judgment or condemnation, only Unconditional Acceptance, Peace and LOVE.

Then HE appeared: The DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE; GOD. The LIGHT that surrounded HIM, that enveloped HIM, that WAS HIM, was almost blinding. I could not see HIS face, only the brightest of brightest LIGHTS. HE WAS LOVE: I felt it. I knew it. I knew HIM. I was part of HIM. I WAS LOVE. All there were total LOVE with HIM and of HIM. It was glorious. I never wanted to leave HIS presence. I knew that HE would never leave mine, even if I chose to return to Earth. HE was part or rather the whole of me, and I was the whole of HIM. All things there were in ONENESS. HE asked me what I had chosen to do: whether to stay there in Paradise or to return to complete my mission. I knew and understood how everything "worked": the laws, if you will, of that dimension. I, without hesitation, told HIM that I chose to return: it was a choice based on LOVE. DIVINE LOVE. HE instructed me to "Make a difference, Gayle." His smile........I carry it with me. I was told that I must return right away as the time for my physical body on Earth was running out. His final words to me were, "Show LOVE. Live LOVE. BE LOVE.”

It was at that very moment that my spirit was "floating" beneath the white ceiling tiles and the white lights of the SICU where my physical body lay, all hooked up to the life support machines. I saw a young male doctor in his long white lab coat, and two female nurses. The doctor was telling the nurses that it was "time" to turn off the life support on my body. One of the nurses pled with the doctor to "give her a little more time" to see if there would be any improvement. He reminded her of the flatline EEG results and that it was the family's wish, and had also been my wish (I stated in my suicide letter that I did not want to be kept alive by artificial means) to be let go if this circumstance came to be. He then walked over to the ventilator and turned it off. At this point, that same nurse walked over to my bedside and whispered into my left ear, "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." At that very moment, I re-entered my physical body: I heard her words out of my left ear. I then apparently began breathing on my own.

The next thing I recall is waking up in the SICU bed and was unable to speak, because I was still intubated, and was unable to move a fraction, because of the very secure four point restraints that were in place. I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling tiles, the white overhead lights, and the ventilator to my left and I knew where I was: I was a nurse and I immediately thought of the teachings in nursing school about what a comatose patient waking up in the ICU would think and feel. I was now in the bed, instead of aside it as a practitioner. I knew exactly where I was and what had happened. (I had no recollection of my DE at that time.) I remember thinking to myself, "S-IT! I'm still alive." I started to silently cry. I remember a female nurse standing over the head of my bed, seeing me open my eyes, and say to me," Don't fall asleep. Stay awake. Don't fall asleep.” I recall thinking to myself, "What the hell. If I'm meant to die, I'll die. If not, I'll be back." I was not afraid. I felt just that same matter of fact, and so fell back to sleep. The next thing I remember is waking up again. I was still intubated and bound. I knew where I was and what was going on. I looked to my left and saw a female nurse sitting down working on a chart. I started to cry. She noticed I was awake and grabbed a tissue and walked over to the left side of my bed and dabbed my tears away. I kept on silently crying. She asked me if I would like for her to untie the four point restraints, and I nodded a yes to her. She asked me if she untied them, would I agree to not fighting, and I again nodded yes. So she untied them all. She explained that she knew that I was a nurse, and that I was intubated and could not talk. Apparently, I was left intubated so the ventilator could be the auxiliary breaths that I still needed. I was breathing on my own, but not at an adequate rate. They extubated me later that day, after my Ph balance was restored to a normal level. I remember them taking it out. Uugh.

I was still in and out of consciousness for the remainder of this, the second day. I was given meds to protect my liver from the possible damage done to it by the overdose and on the third day, I was discharged from the SICU, and walked out on my own without any obvious deficits. I have a little bit of trouble with my memory at times, but otherwise, I am whole. I praise GOD for this. The times after this were very hard for all involved. I lived in a hell of my own making for ten years. My life, my relationships all disintegrated. In 2004, I was so overwhelmed by my daughter's choice to cut me out of her and her sons' lives, that I stopped taking my antidepressants on purpose. I knew that if I stopped taking them that I would become so despondent that I would take my own life, again. It is not my daughter's, or son's or anyone else’s fault or guilt: I was and am responsible for my actions whether or not I think so. I'm paying the consequences of my choices here now in this life on Earth.

On this second attempt fairly recently, I'm not sure whether or not I died, but I do remember being in a really dark place, and "hearing" GOD "speak" to me. He asked me, "Gayle, haven't we had this conversation once before?" I remember "chuckling" with HIM over his question saying to HIM in reply, "Blessed Lord even YOU have a sense of humor in the darkest hour." The intervention of this disparaging act was in itself miraculous, and I thank and BLESS all those involved in saving my miserable life, at that time I mean, for showing the wisdom, compassion and patience they all demonstrated and still do in that day and in those that follow.

My father used to tell me, "Gayle, you're like the mule who had to get hit over the head first with a 2x4, just to get his attention. You're a hard-headed, thick-skulled German." And I'd reply, "Just like you, Sir." My life has changed dramatically, spiritually and emotionally speaking and I give all glory, praise and thanks to the GOD OF LOVE. I still have a lot of cleaning up to do in my life, and so many, many amends to make to so many, many people in my life that I have hurt. I wake up each morning and ask HIM to give me a heart of gladness so that I may be a testament and healing source to all. HE loves us all so very much as we all are his children. May we choose to live a life of LOVE not of fear. PEACE I pray for in this world of troubled times and I send BLESSINGS to you all in HIS NAME, THE DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE, GOD our HEAVENLY FATHER, TRUTH AND LOVE.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:51 pm:

When I was 17 years old, I had the measles and Scarlet fever at the same time. I was given penicillin for the measles which turned into Scarlet fever. This particular mourning I had over slept and remember feeling like I had a heart attack. I felt my body rise up off the bed and come back down hard. At that point I remember looking down at my physical body on the bed as I rose through the house and toward a white light. I saw my house and the surrounding area as I continued to move toward the white light. I felt no pain, suffering, or other discomfort. I felt the white light was a calming peaceful place and I was drawn there. I do recall looking down at everything I knew as I floated away. I could see figures as I continued toward the white light but was not yet close enough to discern them. Right at that moment, my mom came into the room to wake me up. Mom shook me violently, and I remember being thrown back into my body. At that time I was not sure what just happened, but mom took me to our doctor right away. The doctor said, "If my mom did not bring me right over, I would have died." My temperature was at 104 degrees and the doctor had to quickly bring down the fever.

For many years after I had dreams of me leaving my body and going towards the white light. I have found that I relive the future (deja vu). I have had sleep problems ever since. I have had feelings like I have been places before when I have not. I have experienced that I can seem to make people believe things that I say without question. I have had visions of the future, for example last year in early February I had a dream about Atlanta and seven people who are killed in a fiery crash. Woke up one Saturday mourning and found the space shuttle Columbia with seven crew members aboard had disintegrated on reentry. For me, I was genuinely scared because I wondered, did I foresee this disaster with these seven people and just got the name wrong? I was numb for weeks after that.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:50 pm:

I was in a coma after having surgery and a massive infection that shut down my kidneys, caused brain swelling, and many other medical problems. I looked to the side of my bed and an angel was standing there. She told me today would be the day that I would die, and I told her I could not because when my boys came to see me they would be upset that I never said goodbye. She told me there is no such thing as goodbye and that the second I died, God would be there to take me, and that all I had to do was take my right hand and put it into his and everything would be OK. She took me through this long tunnel filled with the most beautiful light, and all my deceased family members were there, although, I could not see their faces... The light was magnificent and comforting. At the end of this light, God was there waiting for me. I walked up to him and put my hand out, and he dropped his hand and said "No, it is not your time," and would not take my hand. The angel walked me reluctantly back through the light, That morning I awoke from the coma to the shock of my family and doctors. They had no explanation for my recovery.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:47 pm:

I had a serious accident. Hang-gliding in 1974, I crashed and it took a couple of hours to get me off the mountain and into an ambulance. Being in shock, I had no pain until I reached the first hospital which didn't want to admit me because I had another insurance plan. I was left on a gurney and blacked out numerous times from the pain while the ambulance drivers flirted with the nurses as they awaited directions for where to take me. Finally, they took me to another hospital where I was operated on. This too took hours, and knowing that I wouldn't survive, experimental surgery (it was a practice hospital where interns were taught) including instances of what was later considered to be malpractice were done on me. After the operation, in recovery, I died on the table. I found myself high above my body watching the nurse turn me over onto my side, all the time yelling at me "cough up the blood . . . take a breath!” (In the accident, I had broken all my front teeth off at the gum level and had profuse bleeding.) The nurse would pound on my chest and periodically slap my body. As I watched all this from above I could hear her shouting, but it seemed as if it were a couple of blocks away.

I remember thinking, that if I let go, I would die and had no fear of that at all, but then remembering I had two pre-teen children and how that would impact them, I immediately snapped back into my body. (I say "snapped" because of my one other out-of-body experience, but it was not an NDE - during that one, I felt the sensation of being snapped back into my body.) But this time, it was just an immediate return.

A few days later, the nurse came into my room and we talked - mainly small talk - she was asking me how I was doing, etc. I asked her, "You're the one, aren't you.” She asked, "what do you mean?” "You're the one who was pounding on my body while I was floating above us," I told her. She began to cry and told me, "God told me not to let you go."

That statement had a profound impact upon me. I'd begun questioning whether God existed until then, had begun to experiment with some religions. Now, He has proved His existence to me in a super-natural way, a way that is so meaningful to me that I've taken risks that a normal person wouldn't . . . All in all, it was the best thing that ever happened to me; it changed my life!

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:59 pm:

I found myself at the ceiling of the hospital room. I had no body, but I was at a point of higher consciousness; a spiritual being telepathically was embracing me with love and peace like I have never known. I felt connectedness and ONENESS with all of life. I knew that I was near death, but I was so happy and liked where I was. I did look down at my mother and another female in the room, but I did not see my body nor remember getting back into it. At times I sense things before they happen or before I see someone, I sense that I will see him/her. Since my NDE, I do have chronic allergy and sinus problems which I did not before my NDE, and also I have migraines that are sensitive to weather changes. I have always had a sensitive nature, but I was not intuitive like I was/am after the NDE. I was left with an insatiable desire to learn and still feel the connectedness to all of life. I do feel that I have a mission, which may be to research NDEs cross-culturally. I did that for one of two masters degrees that I received after my NDE. I have blended Eastern philosophy with my Christian beliefs, but at the time of the NDE I was open minded. I have no fear of death, and I feel that I was enlightened spiritually.

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  By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:56 pm:

I had many "visions". I am not sure of the time frame, as I was ill for some time. I was in a medically induced coma at one point for about three weeks. These could have come then or the months following while sedated in the hospital? Here I go....

From what I've read here on this site, is that my experiences are in the type III - Hellish Experiences. I have so much to share and have never been able to find anywhere to find/share information.

The devil was in each vision that I had. He took form of a black Chinese cat. Sometimes he chooses other forms to "trick" me, but he always had to show himself at some point as the cat.

He wanted my soul, and badly. In one vision, I remember being tied to a cargo net (much like a spiders web), and he (the cat) was in the corner, and he was waiting for me to submit my soul to him. Each time I began to waiver and say....‘ok, take me, I can't do this any more,’ he would approach and then with renewed strength, I would start reciting that my "soul belonged to Jesus Christ." With that, I became emotionally stronger and the cat would become angry and back away. Sounds weird huh? I've only just begun.

I was being held in a black room with a divider half-way between the lengths of the room. The cat (who was taking me to say goodbye) took me to one section of the divided room, and I looked down to the end. There was a window that allowed me to say "good-bye" to my mother, daughter, son and a friend; each person separately. They were crying, and I was telling that it was ok, that I was dying and they would be ok. Everyone accepted this except my friend; she was carrying on about how I couldn't die. The cat then led me to another section that I had not seen before, and it was higher like I had to be elevated to that area. At the top was a "Buddha" that looked at me and said, "Beware of what you wish for." He repeated that saying several times. At that time, the cat informed me that I had two doors from which to choose from. One was of gold gild and the other was a plain door. He opened the gilded door and through it, I could see a large green field with the sun warming it and lots of flowers and children playing and laughing. It looked inviting and fun. I told the cat that I choose that door and wished to go through it. The Buddha again repeated his words. I stepped through the door into darkness and felt myself falling and falling and falling with a panicked feeling of dread, death and hell.

The cat was laughing and telling me I choose foolishly. I said that I had changed my mind and didn't want that door and wanted to be with Jesus Christ; that he could be the only being with my soul. I continued to repeat to the devil that "he could have my body, but my soul belonged to Jesus Christ". I found myself at the platform with the Buddha again and the cat was gone. The Buddha again repeated his words’ and I looked at the plain door. I opened it and felt spiritual warmth unlike I had ever felt. I never "saw a light" or anything like others have expressed. But I knew that I was in the presence of the lord.

I have lots more experiences with the cat that I had before this one with the Buddha but I'm tired and cannot write anymore.