These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright PolicyPolicy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
Prior to my suicide attempt I wrote a book as my suicide letter to my loved ones that compiled my journal entries over the past three years capturing the events that led me to that point.
On August 29, 2001, I was working my last shift at Gem Mountain Sapphire Mine in Philipsburg, Montana. I was 19 years old and about to start my freshman year of college. That day, I was assigned to the "fee dig" site on the mountain—a location where customers could dig their own dirt, concentrate it down, and search for sapphires.
I was working aboard an ocean-going research vessel. We (me and my teammates) were using deep-water side-scan sonar for mapping the seafloor and searching.
I am someone who from a young age experienced loss of those I cared for. My father passed of suicide when I was only twelve and my mother cast me out into the world shortly after. My maternal grandmother tried the best she could, along with my maternal grandfather, to look out for me. However they both had health issues and my grandfather also passed during my teens, leaving my grandmother alone. Although she was unable to care for me full-time, she always loved and believed in me more than I did myself.
The thing is, I blocked so much out and only remembered years later. I was 11 and I remember seeing my mother sitting on top of someone. I could see she had her hands round their throat. I could see that, but I was by the door of the sitting room about 6 feet away.
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